Starting Over
by Phantom 1313
Summary: After the death of her parents she moves to Wammy's but it's nothing like she expected. Still it gets weirder when she meets an.. Unusual boy by the name of L Lawliet. It's like somebody hit the 'RESTART' button for her life.. But what happens when Nonie moves to LA and a murder case hits close to home. What happens when the murderer is her best friend?
1. How It Got Like This

_**a/n The OC in this story is me because I got lazy most of the things are true and some are lies (my age however I will not tell ;) Yes this story is L x OC don't like? Don't read. I am not an orphan (knock knock) and I definately am not smart enough to go to Wammy's House If I was one. I made myself A LOT better looking A MUCH better singer A LOT tougher and MUCH MORE antisocial. I could only think of Vancouver at the time because I wanna go to SPF this year they have Carly Rae Jepsen and Marianas Trench! :D (in play land a.k.a the P.N.E) I don't own death note or L or Vancouver or the OC in this story or SPF or Play Land or any thing mentioned that you may recognize. PS THIS FIRST CHAPTER IS REALLY SAD! Oh and I'm still working on my other stories and my MxM story please be patient! thanks **_

_My heart skips in my chest as I realize what is happening, the plane is going down into the deep ocean below. I start to panic and my mom grabs my hand.  
_

_"It's okay Nonie, It'll be okay don't worry" she whispers.  
_

_I know she is lying, tears roll down my cheeks. I don't know what to do because my Nana is rows behind us and I can't see her. I scream as the plane hits the water and breaks apart. I loose grip on my mother's hand and I'm pushed away by the waves until I can't see her anymore. I swim to the surface and try not to think about what might be in the cold water below. I look for something to hold onto as the waves wash over me and threaten to pull me under. There are very few people above water and none of them are my parents.  
_

_"MOM!" I scream "WHERE ARE YOU!" I start to panic as my heart thuds faster in my chest.  
_

_"NANA!" I scan the water for them and even look underneath the waves but there is no sign of them.  
_

_I wait more than ten minutes and I don't see either of them. I have something wrong with me; when ever I panic about loosing someone I forget what they look like. When they don't pop up I let go of the seat cushion I'm holding onto only to be pulled above the water by a woman in a flight attendant outfit._

_"Hold onto me!" She commands  
_

_"Where are they?" I ask as if she would know  
_

_"I don't know, we'll find them okay? But right now we have to get out of here!" She drags me away from the wreck that was once an airplane.  
_

_I call for them even louder as I panic more and fight to swim back. The woman pulls me away just in time as the fuel tank bursts and the remains of the thing go up in flames. Whatever survived or was around it is dead now.  
_

_"NO!" I squeak.  
_

_Helicopters appear in the air and the woman waves our arms about and catches their attention. Before I can start to cry we are pulled out of the water on ladders. Still no sign of my family. We are all on board and I ask if anyone else was found but they just shake their heads and tell me not yet. Nobody mentions my Mother or my Nana. I burst into tears as my last bit of hope is shredded. The flight attendant who saved my life asks me my name and I tell her Fionna and my last name. I cry into the towel I was given and I fall asleep.  
_

When I wake I am in a hospital. I know this place because I have been here before, I'm in the Vancouver Hospital. I had multiple trips here when I was around six. I scream as loud as I can when I realize what happened. Doctors run in immediately I ask about my parents and they shake their heads. They mutter things like I'm sorry and other things. I freeze and ask what is wrong with me, ignoring the fact before. Apparently I had some sea water in my lungs and a minor concussion.

The week of healing passes by slowly, they know I'm physically fine but what they are monitoring is my behavior. I get no visits.

I am supposed to stay with my aunt and uncle in their tiny two bedroom house. My little cousin has a room and they do to. I prefer sleeping on the couch but I always wake up under the table. I go to my same school but nobody talks to me anymore. Maybe because I hate all of them, maybe because they don't know what to say. Perhaps it is because I avoid them or because I run out of the classroom in tears or screaming. Possibly because I don't wear shoes anymore or change my clothes.. they are always clean I just don't change them.

I run from my 'new home' every chance I get and back to my old address one day I collapse on the lawn because I see a new family in my house. In a mere few days I am sent off to Alberta to live with my cousins. I share a room with my cousin who was always my favorite. I tend to wake up under the bed and I was told that I was scaring the little ones with my sleepwalking and singing through the halls. Everyone at my new school thinks I am crazy and in a week I am sent to an orphanage in England. The place is Called Wammy's House and I'm told to feel proud because it is for gifted children.

Here I have not chance of escape and once again everyone thinks I'm crazy. I still sing and sleepwalk and I hate everyone in this stupid place. I wake up crying every night under my bed, All the classes are easy and No one interests me until I meet a certain boy with dark hair._  
_

**_So there you have it first chapter suggestions are welcomed and I'd love some nice reviews ;D Yes I do sleepwalk and talk in my sleep yes most people think I'm crazy but they have a good reason to. xP LOL I burst out laughing for no reason :l :::Laughs Nervously::: on a different note... Bye!  
_**


	2. I Was Worried

_** a/n So where were we? I went ahead and wrote a chapter in advance, yup that's right I have already pretty much finished this story I just have to upload it for you btw its around 20-30 chapters so be prepared confessions at the end ask the characters questions for me :D they'd enjoy it :) And it's amusing. Especially after the drama so here goes enjoy! I own nothing. Thanks for favoriting and reviews and all the nice people I love you :D**_**  
**

I sighed as I walked down the hallway to my room I have only been here a few weeks and I already hate everyone here. I don't know how long it has been since I lived in Canada but it doesn't really matter, I lost count a long time ago. I hate the stares I get and the only place I can get away from people is my room. I fling myself onto the bed and fall asleep, it has been normal today. It is almost like normal school except the work is appropriate for me we played dodge ball and I was very good only no one picked me. So I was on the team with all the people who nobody likes. They just called our team the outcasts.

I only remembered three of my teammates a red head, a blonde and a boy with dark black hair who was developing dark circles underneath his eyes. Other than them I ignored people. I wouldn't have noticed the red head if he didn't save me from a particularly hard shot to the head. I would have also ignored the blonde if he hadn't shot me angry looks and tried to throw the ball at me sometimes.

As for the dark haired boy... I don't know. I had no reason to be drawn to him but I just was. He never smiled or participated yet nobody dared to get him out. Yes that must have been why I noticed him.

I block out my thoughts after a while and just slip silently into unconsciousness. The only reason I don't sleep without remembering my dreams is because of the nightmares.

_I am running from something I have no idea what but I know I have to find someone before whatever is behind me does. A song echos behind me as I run the song is my mother's song we always used to sing when we baked. _

_Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now that's what you get for Wakin' Up In Vegas.  
_

_This song should comfort me but it does not for whatever sings it will surely bring terrible things. The song has been mutated and changed by what ever is singing it the song is slower and more haunting. I cry as I run when I realize I'm looking for my mother who I will never find.  
_

I wake up crying at the foot of my bed and I put my head in my hands. Over my cries I hear a faint knock at the door. I wipe my tears from my eyes and wonder who it is the door opens slightly and someone asks if I'm okay.

I sigh and tell them yes and that if they can come in. The person opens the door slightly and walks in. My eyes widen when I see that it's the quiet one from dodge ball.

"I heard you and I was worried." He mumbles, staying in the doorway.

I tilt my head to the side silently asking.

"You were crying and I was wondering if you were okay."

"At first though I did think it was strange. A few other people heard you but they thought you were a ghost. Excuse me, My name is L"

Hoping he knows sign language because I still don't want to talk I signal 'Why were you worried? You seem to not like people'

He signs back 'Just because I don't like people doesn't mean I can't get worried. What is your name?"

I sigh 'N-o-n-i-e is your name only a letter?" I ask.

'No my name is L-a-w-l-i-e-t now do you see why I prefer being called L?'

I nod.

"Well I guess I'll see you in math. Mrs.D made us partners." with that he turns and walks out, shutting the door behind him.

_Weird, Well I guess that's how people are here. _I take out a video game and turn off the volume on the T.V I don't play video games but this one I like; Dead Island for my obsession with zombies.

After I die over and over I finally give up and watch old episodes of The Walking Dead on my iPod. I fall asleep with my ear buds in listening to my music. Dreading waking up because of the people I have to socialize with. The only thing I look forward to is Math.

_**So yes I love TWD (the walking dead) I wish I had dead island but I don't. I do not know sign language my character learned at Wammy's :P Yeah me and my mom bake stuff while we sing Waking up in Vegas by Katy Perry. I do sing in my sleep but I do so rarely and you can never understand me. I do sleepwalk and stuff and I have nightmares about being chased. Mostly by zombies... oh that brings me to my last confession I have an obsession with zombies and an addiction to The Walking Dead :D **_

_**Remember! Ask them questions for me I allow anonymous reviews! ;) XoXoXo Rainbow  
**_


	3. Evenly Matched

_** a/n Hey once again confessions at the end and enjoy :3 I own nothing. To the reviews :D thank you I feel so happy now :D  
**_

It's 8 when I wake up I only have a half an hour to get ready. I run around my room like crazy looking for my rainbow bracelet I've been forgetting to wear. I find it and roll up my sleeves so it is showing, it is a bright rainbow wrapped around my wrist. I walk to class and ignore everyone I come into contact with, awkwardly bumping into someone, tripping over feet. The usual.

I see a boy dressed all in black who seems to practically have a force field around him because everyone stays at least a meter away. He looks like L but I know he isn't because for one the clothes are wrong, everyone has an outfit they wear every day and L's outfit is a white shirt with blue jeans. This boy seems to scare everyone.

I stand near him and he glares at me, his eyes are red. That must be one of the things that scares everyone. Not me I just look him in the eyes and stay where I am.

"Go away." He growls in a quiet voice.

I shake my head.

"Just back off alright?" he continues to glare at me.

I shake my head again.

"Fine then why won't you go away?" he asks

I sign 'Because I hate them, all of them'

"I'm sorry I don't speak" he makes a bunch of random movements with his hands.

So I act out 'I hate them' He nods "Me too."

"I'm Beyond Birthday. If you ever speak just call me BB." He mutters.

I show him my hand which has my name written on it in black sharpie 'Nonie'.

"What class are you going to?" BB asks.

I point to the science room.

"Science huh? Me too you're probably going to get the seat next to mine... no one likes me much" He smiles

I roll my eyes as if to say 'I wonder why'. BB walks with me into science and just like he said I sat next to him, I didn't mind he was nice. Plus nobody bothered me around him but he talked a lot, which I didn't mind. Once I start talking again we'd get along just fine, he's about as crazy as I am. Only he is far smarter, second ranked at Wammy's to be exact.

I stare at the board not really listening to anything, only faintly aware of BB's voice beside me. He is very negative... hmm we're a lot alike. Class is far too long for my liking and I have gym next I'll probabLy be with the outcasts like I was yesterday... I sigh.

"What's wrong?" Beyond asks.

I shake my head telling him 'nothing'.

"Are you going to math next?" He asks

I shake my head.

"Gym then?" He asks and I nod.

"Awe well I'll see you in language." Beyond mutters and walks off to math.

I change into my sweat pants because everyone else is and I walk out behind them. Everyone around me is talking and laughing but I just stand alone. The teacher tells us to pick partners and nobody wants to pick me, I don't blame them. L stands off and away from everyone else and we are forced to be partners.

"Today we will be practicing fighting skills" The teacher barks.

He teaches us different types of kicks and punches that hurt a lot when done properly. We also learn how to block them. He walks around to help us with little adjustments and things but when he walks past us he asks us why we aren't doing anything.

"I don't want to hit a girl." L protests

'You won't get the chance' I signal.

"What did she tell you?" The teacher asks L

" 'You won't get the chance' " He replies

"That's the spirit." The teacher laughs "Now show me what you can do. L you punch, Nonie you block. When I shout switch you switch, got it?"

We nod and start. L punches me in the side, the wind is knocked out of me and he asks if I'm okay I nod. He goes for my shoulder and I grab his wrist, just inches away from me. L tries to kick out my legs from underneath me but I trip him and he falls to the floor. I am thankful for the mat on the ground. After a while it seems like everything around me is going in slow motion and it is very easy to counter every move he makes.

"Switch!"

I aim for his face and he blocks me every time. This goes on for a while until the teacher stops us and tells us how to flip someone. It seems we are learning different fighting styles all in one day. He tells us to flip our partner and I go first, it is not easy considering how weak I am but I manage. L flips me in no time. Once we have all practiced this he tells us to start fighting.

"As soon as one person has fallen to the mat you end your match and sit off to the side. Tell me who won. GO!" he shouts.

There is no taking turns now everyone is just fighting. I trip L but he doesn't land on his back like I intended instead he gets right back up and tries to hit me in the stomach and I block him. After a while we both quickly take a look around and see we are the last group still standing and everybody is watching us.

We continue to fight until the bell rings and it is declared a draw. The gym teacher dismisses us and we all go and change I get a few people congratulating me and a few telling me that I cheated or I was lucky. I really think most of these girls are idiots how the heck did they end up here? They are no smarter than the people back home.

I march to language, I am late. The teacher asks why I was late. 'The teacher kept me in gym late I am sorry' I sign and she nods in understanding. I take my seat beside BB and he is silent for once. Today we are learning French.

"Bonjour!" The teacher smiles "I am sure all of you know what that word is so lets move on to something else."

She speaks in french first and tells us to write down sentences and then translate them I am bored the whole time because I already know french but I sit through it because my next class is Math.

_**Yea I am weak and I do know some french. By the way my nickname in real life is Nonie or Nona. When I make friends I do usually tend to like the people who hang back from everyone else and are well.. outcasts. I do wear my rainbow bracelet everyday and I love it :) ^_^ I write on my hands a lot and I am quite negative. I am chatty and I am quite anti-social as I found out last night. (I went to a wedding and just hung out with the adults and ignored the people my age telling the adults I 'Find children annoying.') My mom told me that I am a child -.- anyways I think that is about it for confessions today... bye! Oh and no I do not know sign language but I am learning :)  
**_


	4. Communication

_** a/n Confessions at the end. Why do people write 'I don't own anything'? Obviously You are on emphasis on the word FAN meaning Fanatic as in you don't own it. I suppose it is to be safe though right? Safety first... Enjoy.  
**_

I sigh when the bell rings and gather my supplies. BB walks with me to my next class, I am beginning to like him, as a friend of course and nothing more. He is very nice to me but he snarls at others when they look at him. We pass a boy who I don't really get a good look at and BB calls him A. His roommate.

"Hello A." BB smiles and then seems to look above the boy's head.

What he sees seems to frighten him and make him sad. As soon as the look appeared it disappeared, A didn't seem to notice.

"Hello" A smiles "Who is this?" He asks, smiling at me.

"This is Nonie, she doesn't speak." BB introduces me

"You must like that" A jokes.

'Yes he talks a lot.' I sign, expecting him not to understand me.

"That he does." A laughs

"Do what?" BB glares

"She said she likes you because you share her dislike for people." A replies.

'Thanks' I say to A who gives me a slight nod in response.

The bell rings and we all go to separate classes. I have Math with L and then after I have art with the boy with bright red hair. I have seen everyone in each class at least once. I had no intentions of making friends and I suppose I still don't have any friends BB and A qualify as acquaintances not friends.

The boy with Red hair is just some boy who took a dodge ball to the face for me. I don't know why he did it but it was nice considering it would have hurt a lot. I got the boy back though and so did the blonde. The blonde boy punched him and started yelling I just hit him in the face with a dodge ball, he got a bloody nose. I said it was an accident. Later I found out his name was Carele.

As for L, he is my anti-social, concerned neighbor who I think is kind of cute. Yes I'll admit it he is very attractive. The blonde boy in my logic and law classes is absolutely not even close to an acquaintance because he hates me. The dirty looks he shoots at me in class are enough to prove it. I never did anything to him though so why does he hate me?

I sigh and continue my walk to math, oh how I hate school. It used to be that if I did well then I would skip a grade or get no homework at all. I look around at people in my class when I get there and I realize that everyone is my height or taller, I am a tall person though! At my school I was taller than the grade sevens and I'm in grade six!

I sigh wishing I was back home and things were like before. That can never happen though, they are dead and there is no getting them back. I take my seat beside L and he nods as a silent hello and I tell him hello with sign language. The teacher doesn't understand sign language so we don't get caught talking.

'Why don't you talk?' L asks

"I miss my parents and I hate it here. I protest by being silent' I reply

'Fascinating..' I can just imagine his voice trailing off as he says this.

'Do you mind if I ask you why you are here? I mean how did you end up in this terrible place?' I sign

'My parents were in a car crash.' He frowns

'I am sorry.' I look at my feet and back to him.

'What about you?' L asks

'Plane crash, very few survivors.' I sigh

'I am sorry to hear that.' We don't speak for the rest of the class, though it isn't really speaking.

I tune out the math lesson because I know all of this stuff already until we get to the part with decimals and multiplying that was my worst thing to do in math and it still is. I take notes, not caring that I look like a nerd. Math passes by slowly and I don't mind. Something about the boy beside me makes it bearable.

I remember my best guy friend from my last school and all my other friends and I start to miss them, wishing I didn't push them away. Then again I hated everyone except four people at my school. I refer to them in my memories now as B, K, S and C. I do miss them a bit because they were great friends but ... I really like the fact that I am alone here. If I can't have my parents then I don't need anyone. The only one person I do want to be around is L...

I find it strange that I am so drawn to a boy I just met yesterday and have only truly communicated with just now. I find the way he sits strange but I find it weirder that I think the way he sits is cute. I sit in a strange way too but I have seen others sit this way. I sit with my left leg crossed and underneath my right one, I find it helps me think.

I have zoned out again and am brought back to reality when someone is snapping their fingers in front of my face. I jump in my seat and I look up to see L standing over me.

'Sorry' I sigh

"It's okay the bell to dismiss us only rang few seconds ago." He grabs my hand and helps me stand, though I didn't need help.

Why did he help me? From what I've seen he hates to be touched and smacks teacher's hands away if they ever put their hands on his shoulder like most teachers do. I brush the thoughts off he's just being nice, I decide. L and I walk down the halls and then when we finally have to separate when the bell rings he waves a goodbye to me and I wave back.

'I'll see you tomorrow?' I ask.

L nods and we walk to our classes. I open the door to art and find people are already running to their spots. I walk slowly to my spot beside the red head. He smiles at me and I wave back, I hate smiling at people. Today we are allowed to paint whatever we like and I look around to see that I am next to BB and Matt.

I wave at him and he smiles.

"Still not talking huh?" He smirks at me when I shake my head

"Well why not? I'm sure your voice is beautiful." He jokes

"Beyond stop flirting" The red head raises an eyebrow.

"Why Matt?" BB grins and then says "Did you have your eye on her?"

Matt makes an annoyed sound and flicks paint at the dark haired boy.

"HEY! You three! Do I have to separate you?" The teacher growls.

We all shake our heads and I start painting random lines everywhere on the canvas, I love art. Soon my painting turns into a sunset and by the end of art class it looks pretty good if I do say so myself, My mother would be proud. My mom always used to paint with me and teach me different techniques.

I sigh and look at the art the boys beside me have painted. Matt painted a video game controller and BB painted random red splatters over a black background. All different types of shades. The teacher asks for us to carefully walk up and show the class.

"Hmm... Beyond Birthday? Show us what you painted." She smiles.

BB sighs and walks up to the front of the class everyone rolls their eyes at the colors, I think it looks cool. We go up one by one and when it is Matt's turn everyone says things like 'typical' or 'I knew it'. When it is my turn my cheeks burn red with embarrassment, I may like my picture but I always think everyone will hate it.

They all fall silent as they look at the different shades of purple, pink and black. It is the same as the sunset picture I painted that is hanging in my living room back home except this one has an 'N' instead of an 'F G' in the bottom right corner. My signature of course.

The teacher asks after class if she can keep it and I tell her yes. The rest of the day passes by very slowly and is very uneventful. After school I just walk around in the halls.

**_Yes I have friends with names that start wit and C. I do have a purple and pink sunset picture I painted that is in my living room. ^_^ I tend to just walk around my neighborhood when I am bored so I just made it so I walk the hallways. I tend to ask questions that make people uncomfortable sometimes on purpose sometimes not. My mom and I do paint a lot. I tend to get over things like I do in this I don't talk, I cry a lot and then I repress it. Not healthy but it helps me move on. I don't really repress it I suppose I just accept it after a few weeks or so usually a month. (it's almost been a month in this story btw I forgot to tell you about the first few weeks at Wammy's so I'll give you a summary now: A ton of crying and blaming myself, crying in corners and screaming at people. Next time I'll tell you If I have a time skip though. I actually do think like this; very over descriptive, I use the same words a lot, I over think things a lot. I get in trouble A LOT in class for talking and my signature on my art is either 'thatgirloverthere' or 'FG' that's all for today ^_^ I'll upload the next chapter right after this because I already wrote it._**


	5. First Friends

_**a/n More confessions: yes my mother calls me Nonie yes I like it better than my real name. I am blonde my description is pretty much right except like I said before I made the OC prettier. My friends think I'm a good singer and who knows maybe I am, I despise shoes and socks and hate wearing them. I sit like my character does and my addictions are correct. Honestly I think though If I did go to Wammy's House I'd try to be friends with everyone considering I've been wanting to move schools for a while (maybe I'd even get used to staying in Alberta) but c'mon this story had to be interesting somehow ;) a few more things; I am clumsy as stated below and I usually glare at the ground a lot and tend to zone out. I don't own anything.  
**_

I glare at the ground as I wander the halls, ignoring the stares that I get. Turning the corner I bump into someone, mentally cursing at them.

_"Hey!" _They shout.

I fall to the ground, I was always clumsy. Argh! I should have watched where I was going.

A blonde boy glares down at me, I have to stop from laughing because I think he looks ridiculous. About shoulder length straight blonde hair, and wearing all leather, well a leather jacket and pants. His shirt is not leather I think. I cover my mouth but I make it look like I'm surprised when really I am choking back laughter. It is the boy who hates me.

"You knocked my chocolate out of my hand!" he growls

"I'm not eating it now! That's gross! You owe me! I can't -" He starts to rant.

"Listen!" I interrupt him "I'll buy you more if you just shut up, _alright?_" I growl.

The boy looks surprised to hear me say that.

Carele walks by and wouldn't you guess it he trips the blonde, making him fall on top of me thank god for reflexes. The blonde catches himself with his arms on either side of me. Carele laughs.

"Mello's got a girlfriend!" He shouts.

"Little help up please?" Mello says just loud enough for me to hear.

I shove him away with my hands and he stumbles before standing upright. Shooting Carele a death stare I stand up as well.

Mello smacks him in the back of the head and pushes him against a wall.

"Don't you _EVER_ mess with me" Mello growls and then curses and threatens things that I really wish I didn't hear.

Brushing myself off I lean against a wall. The floors here are gross it's understandable that Mello doesn't even want to touch the chocolate bar I knocked out of his hand. I check my red hoodie for any signs of the disgusting floor junk. When I find none I just look around. I've really never seen these people before, I suppose I know the ground better.

"C'mon." Mello mutters tugging on the sleeve of my hoodie.

"Hey! whoa! Watch the hoodie." I complain.

"Wow she speaks!" he rolls his eyes "I could have used your anger back there" He complains.

"Who do you think I am? The incredible hulk?" I snarl

"No. But I kind of needed you to back me up!" Mello laughs

"You don't smile much do you?" he asks.

"You don't stop talking much do you?" I shoot back.

I buy him a new chocolate bar to shut him up but it doesn't work for long. I bought a Coca-cola because well I kinda just wanted something. Mello just talks and talks after a while I zone out, hoping he doesn't ask questions. With my luck he probably will. I sigh and look around we were walking for a while now. I realize I don't really know.

"Where the h*#! are we?" I ask

"A hallway." Mello laughs.

"Oh really? You don't say. I know what an effing hallway looks like!" I snarl

"Wow the girl who never speaks has a worse mouth than I do." he laughs.

He finally tells me we are headed to the arcade and when I ask why he tells me I talk too much. After I bug him enough he tells me he wants me to meet his friend Matt. Alright this guy is scaring me. I touch my cellphone in my pocket remembering Roger is on speed dial. This was one of the few electronics I still had and thank god this weird boy didn't know about it.

"Hey! Matt!" Mello shouts over the noises of a game.

The boy has his back turned to us and is focusing on a video game. Does everyone here dress weird? This guy has a red and black striped shirt on and a weird tan vest that looks like it used to be a hoodie but someone cut the sleeves off. His jeans have stripes on them as well, he is wearing black boots and he has red hair. Mello takes off one of his boots and whips it at the gamer's back. The gamer is the boy from art.

"Hey!" he shouts as he looses the game.

He turns around and I see another fashion statement of great, goggles. And I thought wearing short shorts with leggings underneath was weird. What's weirder is that everyone pretty much has their own uniform around here. Mine just happens to be my favorite outfit: shorts, leggings, and a red devil hoodie.

"Who's this?" he asks casually and looks me up and down even though he knows me from gym and art.

Feeling self conscious I put my hood over my head. Earning a laugh from Mello.

"The new girl" Mello states

"Oh! Hey Welcome! I... um I guess I'm sorry." Matt frowns

"For checking me out or my reason for being here?"

"Erm... both I guess." He scratches his head.

"It's alright. You couldn't have done anything." I sigh.

Deciding to try joking around for once I say "as for checking me out who could resist" I laugh.

Mello snickers as Matt's face burns bright red as he looks at the floor.

"Wow the silent girl not only speaks for the first time but she's laughing!" Mello exclaims

"What made you suddenly take an interest in welcoming people?" Matt changes the subject.

"She owed me and I kinda like her now, shes cool I guess" Mello smirks.

_Pfft far from it Mello. You have no idea. At least I'm not the only crazy person in this place. _

"What did she owe you?" Matt raises an eyebrow

"Um yuck I know what you're thinking and gross just... blah" I look away from Matt.

"Okay no I-" Mello stops him

"She bumped into me and knocked my chocolate on the floor so I made her buy me some." He shrugs.

We chat for the rest of the day and wander the hallways I'm beginning to regain my faith in people. Maybe they aren't so bad.  
I laugh for the first time in what seems like years but in truth was only weeks. A month at most. Mello tells me it's good to have another friend, it takes me a second to realize he means me. Matt agrees and I am happy to actually have my first real friends.

"These guys are stupid Nonie. The one with the goggles is too anti-social you're better than them" A voice hisses behind me.

I whip around my head and come face to face with Fear. My Shinigami.

_**Sorry it wasn't that interesting just chatter. But I had to make friends somehow! Geeze and yes I do own that outfit and it is my favorite and I love it :D Ask me questions and ask Matt and Mello and the other characters stuff too. Maybe even ask Carele some stuff :) I'm sure it would be entertaining. BTW you're welcome for the cliffhanger ;) Oh and Carele is short for Careless. CARELEss. So yeah. Bye I'm off to write my next chapter of Love and Insanity :)  
**_


	6. Lonely Lullaby

**_A/N i know in the last chapter my OC was OOC lol I bet you don't hear that very often just remember most of my stories are like dominoes I'm sure you need no further explanation for that without further ado here's the next chapter. Hang in here for me I've got their adulthood planned out for them just not the childhood. My problems in my writing always start when I think too much or too little about my story for example: I already know how this story will end and it got bad but don't worry the ending is good so far so bare with me ^_^ (excuse my bad grammar)  
_**

"Shut up." I snarl quietly

"Um... I wasn't talking..." Matt shoots me a questioning look.

"I didn't say anything." I look at him like he has gone crazy and he shakes his head and laughs.

We chat for awhile and I get the feeling these two are more than friends me and my friend used to laugh when we pointed out people at my old school who were most likely gay. There were quite a few. Mello appears to like Matt more than a friend, I smile, they'd be a cute couple. I laugh with them and it feels good to laugh except for the guilt that hits me after.

"Nonie, you shouldn't feel so guilty about smiling and stuff I bet they'd want you to move on" Matt frowns at me.

'Maybe I don't want to move on." I sign and frown at him

"There she goes again.." Mello sighs, rolling his eyes at me.

'Whatever' I sign and say "Whatever"

I get bored with them after a few hours, people are so boring. I tell them I'll see them later and it turns out that their room is just across the hall from mine. When I walk into my room guilt hits me like a ton of bricks and I fall to my bed crying. When I look back up I see a pair of dark eyes looking at me.

I almost scream and then remember that others will hear me.

'Sorry' he frowns

'It is okay." I sigh

"Feel like talking?" L asks me.

'Feel like knocking next time?' I frown

'Sorry' he repeats.

"It's okay" I frown and wipe the tears from my face.

"What was wrong?" L asks

"I felt guilty." I admit

"For what?" He puts his thumb to his mouth and stares down at me.

"I was happy today" I frown, it sounds stupid and I look at my feet

"You don't have to feel guilty. It just means that it's getting better." He states calmly.

I look up at the dark haired boy, almost smiling when I see the concern in his eyes that he is trying so desperately to hide. 'Thank you' I sign. He asks me what for and I reply with a question.

"You don't seem to like people. Or conversation... Why me?" I ask

"Well you seem to share that same anti-social personality..." I can tell he is thinking of something he'd like to add but I don't ask what.

"Tell me... do you like candy, I don't mean to sound all creeper-ish but..?" L laughs at me when I feel my cheeks burn red.

I take out a drawer of my dresser and dump the contents on the bed. I always keep a stash of sweets because I hate any other food. I just run around a lot so that tends to help keep off the weight. I grab some rockets, they are my favorite. L takes a strawberry candy and says thank you.

We just sit in silence and eat a good portion of the stash and after awhile I put the drawer back. L asks if I want to walk around for a while and I nod because although I spend most of my time wandering the halls I only walk the same three everyday. He shows me around and when we pass Carele he shouts things like 'I'm such a two-timer'.

L tells me to ignore him but I can't and I just walk up to the brunette and slap him. I shoot him a look that is a very threat like warning. Saying 'don't mess with me because I _will _hurt you'. Carele stands there wide eyed as I walk away and pull L by the shirtsleeve, making him walk away from the stupid boy. Carele is such a stupid name his name should be Stu for obvious reasons.

L is completely shocked seeing as he had only seen the me that is quiet and shy. After a while he shakes his arm free of my grasp and shoots me a questioning look.

"What was _that_?" He gasps.

'C-A-R-E-L-E is an idiot' I roll my eyes

"That was a bit much though" L shoots me a questioning look

'You should have seen him earlier' I frown.

We walk around in silence I think very bad thoughts about what I'd like to do to Carele other than slap him UGH he's so stupid. People look at me like now I'm not only the craziest girl at Wammy's but of all people I hang out with I hang out with the outcasts? Well I don't really care because if I have to make friends I'd choose these people anyways, me being crazy and depressed or not this is the crowd I fit with.

Today I've learned things about L, he doesn't like to be touched (which I knew already) but depending on his mood I'm an exception... He hates Carele about as much as I do but probably a little less. I feel bad, he's had to live with him longer than I have. L has no friends, except me now. He hasn't said it exactly so I will.

'Is it okay if I consider you my friend?' I ask in sign language

'Yes. Friends then?' He replies.

'Friends' I nod and smile.

Maybe this is why he doesn't mind me, we're friends and as far as I know he has no friends. I ask him about the other kids but none of them are friends of his. I sigh because this was me yesterday only now I have three friends so far I've heard L has lived here since he was seven.

I also learned he is fourteen, probably why he is taller than me and older looking... but what it doesn't explain is why he isn't in the classes for his grade, he's the smartest kid at this school for god's sake! So I decide to ask.

'L? If you are the smartest kid here why do you take the same classes as me?' I ask

'I finished them... and the ones after them.' he shrugs.

I kind of just stand there, staring in wonder at the before me... all of the classes ahead of him? Then why go back.

'Then why go back?' I ask, shaking the thoughts away

"Something was drawing me there..." L puts his thumb to his mouth and thinks for a second.

"Um... is" I start and then sign 'L-a-w-l-i-e-t' "your real name?" I ask, wanting to keep talking

"Yes" he sighs

"Aren't we supposed to keep that a secret?" I wonder, with concern obvious in my voice.

"Yes I suppose." He looks away from me.

Why did he tell me then? I sigh and ask the question that just popped into my head. L sighs and tells me he felt like he could trust me, he sounds like it is exhausting to have to explain everything so I shut up. We walk around the whole building and then we go outside and I pull my hood up. It is winter still and I look at him and wonder.

"Aren't you cold?" I raise an eyebrow at him

"No. What about you? It's snowing don't you feel that you need shoes?" He looks at my feet and then back up to my eyes.

I laugh silently to myself because in my old school we'd laugh and ask people it our shoes matched our hair. When and if the person checked we'd laugh hysterically and say 'you just checked me out'. I don't laugh because I know where I am and I am supposed to be mature I do laugh just not out loud.

"I've always hated shoes, I never wear them.. what about you?" I look at him, he doesn't wear anything but a long sleeved shirt and jeans and no shoes at all like me.

Then I look back to his eyes but really it's just an excuse to actually check him out. L is very attractive although I deny it. He smiles, possibly figuring out that I only wanted to check him out. My cheeks burn red and he doesn't say anything.

"I don't like them either and the cold is something I am used to." He looks off to the distance and we walk in the snow around the yard.

Some children play and build snowmen in another time I may have joined them... but knowing my parents are gone I feel that option has gone far away. I shiver when I remember the snow fights I used to have with my best friend. He didn't fight good battles, he threw snow down my shirt and laughed. I whipped him in the face with a snow ball once so I suppose that he was getting revenge.

I sigh because I want to randomly start singing to myself. L asks if I need a moment alone and I nod. He stalks off to the stair case and sits there. I walk to a nearby tree and sit underneath it, remembering the times I used to love swinging from the branches of the trees in my yard. I sigh and start to sing.

_Symphony of silver tears, Sing to me and sooth the ring in my ears, Overcast these gloomy nights wear on, But I'm holding fast because it's darkest just before the dawn.  
I sang my princess fast asleep, 'Cause she was my dream come true, Oh Annmarie, believe me, I loved you.  
But now those lonely lullabies, Just dampen my tired eyes, Because I can't forget you. Because I can't forget you.  
I'll dissolve when the rain pours in, When the nightmares take me, I will scream with the howling wind, 'Cause it's a bitter world and I'd rather dream.  
_

_Dizzy love turned a star lily pink, And hung above our lids too flushed to blink, But icy blue froze the fairytale cold, Though I treasured you and you sparkled with someone to hold.  
I sang my princess fast asleep, 'Cause she was my dream come true, Oh Annmarie, believe me, I loved you.  
But now those lonely lullabies, Just dampen my tired eyes, Because I can't forget you. Because I can't forget you.  
I'll dissolve when the rain pours in, When the nightmares take me, I will scream with the howling wind, 'Cause it's a bitter world and I'd rather dream.  
I'll dissolve when the rain pours in, When the nightmares take me, I will scream with the howling wind, 'Cause it's a bitter world and I'd rather dream. And I'd rather dream.  
Annmarie, I'll never forget you. Annmarie, I'll never forget you. Annmarie, remember me? I'll never forget you. Annmarie, remember me? I'll never forget you. Annmarie, remember me? I'll never forget you.  
_

By the time the song is over I am in tears. I am barely aware of the soft crunching noise that the snow makes as someone approaches me. Am I crying too much to care or can I truly not hear them approaching me?

"That was beautiful." L says as he looks down at me

'Thank you' I sign.

"Come on it's cold out here." He takes my hand and helps me stand up.

We walk back inside unaware that our hands are still locked together. If I notice... well I don't really care.

_**Wow that chapter was fun to write and I know it's moving fast but on the bright side I forgot how I would end this story so it will be getting better. :) Thanks for all the reviews and alerts and favoriting it really makes me proud :D The song was lonely lullaby by owl city, I am a huge Owl City fan so don't judge me. Yes when I'm sad I sing to myself, I walk barefoot in the snow, I tend to ask questions when I want to continue a conversation. I know more sign language now then I did before ^_^ and I'm getting better. Yeah me and my friend (not telling his name) used to have snow ball fights and in truth we still do. Yes he fights dirty -.- I don't like it once him and my other friends teamed up on my and I hit one of them with an Ice Ball :/ (whoops!) If I were in the OC's position I would have slapped Carele I know from experience once this guy in my class told me not to sit on the couch because I'd break it (he calls me fat a lot... ::sigh::) so I back-handed him. :l He deserved it! When I laughed after my aunt died (not right when I found it out. I denied it at first. (that was in January)) the guilt was enough to send me into a crying fit. Yes I would check out L if I had the chance. Yeah that was a game at my school btw do my shoes match my hair? LOL that doesn't work though a computer... stupid. Wow this was a long chapter, therefore a long a/n I'm rambling now aren't I?... Oh and I have a candy stash and rockets **_**are _my favorite! :D LOL bye :)_**


	7. Sweet Insanity

_**a/n Sorry out of ideas for my stories so if they're crappy don't get mad I warned you (confessions at the end)The confessions are more reasons why I'm most likely insane. I am quite a happy insane person because being crazy is far better than living in reality. ^_^  
**_

"Awe how cute." Fear Laughs.

I shove my hand in my pocket quickly and look away from the boy beside me. Fear is so annoying sometimes! She comes and goes as she pleases and loves to scare me because I'm very jumpy. Oh yeah, and I'm paranoid.

"Sorry." I mutter and my cheeks burn red

"It's okay." I can hear the smirk that must be on his face even though I'm not looking at him.

"Well, I suppose he's cute. This one is hiding something though." Fear looks L up and down with her icy blue eyes that look like they could freeze you dead in your tracks.

Yes I'm aware that Shinigami do not have genders but Fear used to and it is very clear because of her white dress that is ripped and blood stained. She told me once what had happened, she was a very pretty young woman. Blonde with sapphire blue eyes, skinny and tall. Her personality was what got her this way.

A long time ago she was about to be married to the man of her dreams when her servant -who's name she had forgotten- ran up to her soon-to-be husband and started telling him that he loved her and not Fear. It was true that he was in love with the servant girl but she wasn't who he thought. The girl was mean and evil, a witch who had always hated Fear since she started working for her.

Fear ran away broken and in tears, thank god their families weren't invited to see what had gone down that day. Fear ordered for the servant to be sentenced to death for stealing something from her, something of course she had made up. The day before the girl was supposed to die she had cursed Fear and then murdered her after making her put on her dress.

The dress was to be a constant reminder of why she was cursed to be a Shinigami. Her hair got shorter and turned black and blue, Half her face looked like it was stitched on and the other half looked like the girl she once was. Fear was nice now and always helpful to me, but that would never change who she once was and what her fate is now.

"Bye, I'll see you in gym." L waved good bye and stalked off.

"Good bye." I mutter although he can't hear me.

All the children here except A,B,L,Matt and Mello think I am insane. I talk to 'myself' is what they think but really I talk to Fear. I don't care that I am the only one who can hear her they can go ahead and think I am insane because that is what I am.

"Where have you been?" I ask quietly so nobody can hear me

"Around" Fear shrugs.

I sigh, she never tells me where she goes. I decide to tell her something I didn't want her to know because it would give her even more power over me. I don't want that but I have to tell her.

"Fear, I need you here." I sigh

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm lonely here and you're the only person that I... well not a person but you know what I mean. The only... thing that I have to remind me of my past." I frown.

"Doesn't it hurt you to remember?" She asks

"Yes but what hurts more is to forget." I mumble and we don't talk for the rest of the day but she stays by my side.

I am beginning to think I liked it better when I had no friends because now they feel compelled to talk to me. A doesn't talk much so I suppose he is my favorite. B seems to be as crazy as I am and he seems to understand a lot of the messages that are hidden in the things I say. Plus he has a good sense of humor. Mello is aggressive like I can be, I admire that but he seems to be very sensitive. It seems that Mello and I are a lot alike. Matt is someone who you just can't help but love, he's very innocent and nice. Mello makes him a different person though and Matt doesn't seem to care, in fact he likes it.

I don't _like_ Matt but I do like him, if you know what I mean. If not here's the simple explanation, I do not love Matt nor do I have any physical attraction to him -he's kind of cute but that's beside the point- I do however think he is a good person and like him as a friend.

L... he's _different_.

I almost fall when I am walking up the stairs to the next floor. No not down the stairs but up, a habit I have always had. I bump into someone in the hall and it's Carele. _Great, just what I need; a fight with an idiot._

"Oh it's you. Stupid girl." He shoves me

"Higher ranked than you." I smirk.

He glares at me and then goes to punch me, I catch his wrist and throw him on the ground. I laugh and he snarls at me. Carele tries to get up but I step on his back and walk away. I'll hear his clumsy feet running after me either that or Fear will help me. I am fairly certain she will because I have never in my whole life seen a Shinigami who was so fond of a human.

Oh yeah I have a _gift._ Some people call it a sixth sense. I can see and hear ghosts as well as talk to them. I can also see Shinigami with their humans. I have seen one in every country I have been to. Strange, I was told Death Notes on Earth were very rare. Oh well I don't really care.

I look out a window and I catch something out of the corner of my eye. A little boy being bullied by a few older children by the tree I was sitting at. At times like this I am glad to be easily distracted.

I walk down the stairs and pass Carele on my way down. The halls have an eerie calm to them today and I have no doubt something bad is going to happen. I walk out into the cold without shoes again and march over to the kids (who by the way are my age) who are bullying the young boy (about 7). Disgusting.

"Hahaha! What a NERD!"

"Sheep!"

"You blend right in with the snow."

Such stupid insults but I could see behind his emotionless eyes that he was sad.

"Back off" I snarl at the mean boys.

They are all taller than I am and a lot stronger looking but I'll take my chances, I know what it's like to be bullied. Even stupid insults such as these ones can cut you deep and ruin your mind. They drive you mad if you let them.

"What's a stick person like you gonna do about it?" One of them growls.

How nice, people used to call me fat. I think to myself.

"Take a guess you stupid ape." I smirk.

All the boys laugh at me and start to call me names that I block out. Every insult is answered with one that is far more hurtful.

"I could snap you like a twig."

"How old are you five?"

I laugh at them all. Boys are so uncreative and stupid.

"Now, now. If you want to try and hit me you'd have to catch me and someone as fat as you would run out of breath in a mere ten seconds, yes? And no you moron I am clearly the same age as you and if you can't see that then I don't think you are smart enough to be here at Wammy's. By the way, how weak are you that you have to go around picking on someone weaker than you like this little boy here?"

I recognize him his name is Near and he's third ranked here.

"Oh I see, because he is smarter than you isn't it? Well then. I suppose you are mad because you have such an ugly face that your parents were forced to abandon you, fearing that somebody would mistake you for a half man half dog beast and try to hunt you down. I bet the only reason you are here is because you wanted to study hard so that they would take you back." I point to the leader of the three.

My insults barely make sense if they do at all, good it seems that they think the more idiotic the insult is the more it hurts. I feel bad for saying those things to that boy because now he is crying and stomping away, but I feel worse for the little boy sitting against the tree who was crying when I got here.

"Th-thank you... those boys are mean to me everyday" Near sniffles

"Yeah don't mention it." I mutter and walk away.

_**Yeah I warned you it sucked but It'll get better when they are older don't worry. Alright time for confessions: Yea I am easily distracted, yes I do get bullied but it's getting better. They called me fat and ogre because my name is Fionna (I was born before the movie alright?). Yes I am really jumpy and I do talk to myself. Rofl yeah I'm crazy and I have a very active imagination. I am not afraid to say mean things to people if they are bullying someone (or me) but I do regret them if they get really sad when I hit a sore spot. No I do not see Shinigami or have a death note as I have said before and you're gonna think I'm crazy when I say this but I can see ghosts. I can hear them too but not all the time. No I am not all ghost whisperer about it and I have met people with the same thing that I have (ex. My mother). I hate it when People talk to much (offline) but I am one of those people (online and sometimes offline). I can't flip people or kick butt like the character in this story. The character is loosely based on me. (I made myself skinnier alright. But who wouldn't?) Yes I consider myself insane but not as insane as Beyond Birthday (example: I couldn't kill a person.) I am very aggressive if you find a spot that is a weak spot. I won't tell you what they are because I am far too paranoid. I do not like physical contact and prefer talking to people over the internet than online because 1. Online it is slightly less dangerous than in reality you can say things to people that you never have the guts to in real life (there are upsides and downsides to that) 3. you can vent to a blog while remaining anonymous. While there are ups and downs I do love the internet. I am not some nerd however who sits behind a computer and hates sunshine. Not a nerd who sits and plays W.O.W or Minecraft online for hours and hours NO OFFENSE! I do however love video games ^_^ One of the many reasons that if I were in the death note world that I would be friends with Matt. xD and if you think I'm insane then you can leave my story right now and not talk to me. In other words GTFO XD  
**_


	8. My Brother?

**_a/n Yeah the last chapter was kind of pointless but who cares? Near had to be in the story somehow. There he was. Yeah I know I don't like Near either... Confessions at the end (if you care that is xD) Thank you to: account won't log in (rofl) for your review :) I really thought the story went down hill after the whole Shinigami thing heh heh... so here's my story. Beware you may find it cheesy. But cheese is good stuff xD  
_**

_If there is one thing in this world I truly hate it is a bully. Yes technically I am one as well but I'd rather bully a bully, are you following me? Good because I'm not explaining further. _

I slam the book shut and throw it at the wall. Why do we all have to do this? This stupid journal thing. Roger made every single kid at Wammy's start a journal. I have only written in it once and I don't plan to again anytime soon. With a sigh I sit down on my bed with my iPod. Roger allows electronics but only if he can monitor them. Meaning I can't go on any websites I did before.

I pick up the thing again. Notebooks are dangerous things, they can cut like knives if said properly. Especially dangerous is the book hidden in the wall behind my couch... well anyway the ordinary journal in my hand is even dangerous. I can't write what I really think deep down. So I decide to write the half truth.

_I just wish I could be normal._

Maybe Roger will see the story behind the words or maybe he won't. _ Roger is such a strange man... _I think.

"Hey uh... can I come in?" a voice behind the door asks.

_Who could it be? Nobody bothers me when I wish to be alone... maybe it's important. _I think to myself. I walk to the door and open it to see A standing alone in the hall. His usual smile has been replaced with a frown and his normally bright eyes are filled with tears. I motion for him to come inside and he does.

"What's wrong?" _I hate people crying... or being sad... especially when I care about them. _

I've been at Wammy's for a month now and I really care about A... there's just something about him that- then it hit me. We might be related. The dark eyes, brown hair, the eyebrows the line under the bridge of his nose that looks like a scar. Plus he's from Canada. I doubt it though what are the odds?

"I can't take it anymore." he puts his head in his hands

"It's okay" I whisper.

"No it isn't.. My dad left before I was born, my mother died, none of my relatives wanted me. I'm stuck here, I have no friends, nobody likes me, I have to keep up my grades or Roger will be disappointed along with the mystery student! Not only that but I-I just can't stand it here anymore." He sighs

"A.. don't worry so much, why should you care what someone you don't even know thinks? Roger's a weird man but he'd probably understand. None of my relatives wanted me either, my dad left my mother long before I was born. You don't have no friends you have me and Backup. None of us like it here either A and my mom's dead too. That's just how you end up here." I frown

"Thanks..." he sniffles

"A do you mind my asking your father's name and where you are from exactly. I'll tell you as well." I smile.

"No I don't mind but that isn't allowed. will be mad." A protests

"Well I trust you so I'll go first. doesn't have to know. I lived in Vancouver my whole life and my father's name was Jeffery" and I tell him the last name.

"..." Silence. A says nothing only sits there and stares at me. We sit in an awkward silence for a while until he finally speaks to me.

"Me too.." He whispers.

I raise an eyebrow "What about your mom?"

"Rayelynn Flanders." I gasp. That was my mom's best friend in high school when she was 16.

The same time that she got pregnant with me. Sleep around much _dad_. I growl in my head. I talk with A for the rest of the night and I find out his birthday is February 18th, not long after mine which is January 27th. Well, well, well, it seems A is my half brother. I smile at him because I realize that I took his mind off the sad thoughts. My eyes widened when red numbers appeared above his head reading November 21st 2002 that was exactly 3 years from now. What the heck was I seeing and why were there numbers along with our 'dad's' last name and the name Aiden? What is going on?

**_Well now I have to think of a way to explain that xD I need that for something later okay? Don't judge me. Okay confessions time: I am not related to A o_o, Yeah my mom was 17 when she had me alright! I admit it I'm twelve and I can write really messed up stuff and stories like this. My birthday is January 27th and I'm almost sure my 'father's' name is Jeffery something. I don't really care because yeah he did leave before I was born. I do not live in Vancouver but I live in Canada BRING IT ON STALKERS! XD jk don't kill me in my sleep :l My mother's best friend's name was not Rayelynn and if it were it would not be spelled like that because really.. wtf? Yeah my nose does have a weird line on it. B's name will vary in this story from BB to Backup I'll use all of them but Rue Ryuzaki. Yes I hate it when people are sad I may hate physical contact but if you start crying be warned I will want to hug you and make you feel better (though hugging usually makes it worse xD I'd want to but I most likely wouldn't) I hate bullies because people love to pick on me and I know how it feels. well this is a short chapter but I'll update pretty quick here. Off to write! xoxox lol  
_**


	9. The Eyes

_**a/n OMK guys :D Thanks you make me feel so at home here :) You are all so so nice and I really hope that the little girl doesn't come back :S I think all the spirits in my house are good... (there is a man who stands watch over my grandmother's bed, a man and a woman talk down stairs and it's like radio talk (note: we don't own a radio) I see little black creatures scamper down the hallways (note: that is when my cats are ALL outside (yeah I'm that person on your block with three cats xD) Enough confessions save it for the end. Anyways thanks guys :)  
**_

"Glad you feel better A" I hug him

"Thanks Nonie" he smiles.

I am now alone with my thoughts and the fact that I can't see the numbers under my name. I growl why not? I see my name perfect loud and clear. Fionna - - - - - and then a blur. Where is Fear when I need her? I jump back from the mirror when I look in my eyes. They are blood red like B's. Can he see like me? Or is my insanity taking over?

"Nonie" She rasps behind me, making me jump.

"Fear... please tell me... why can I see names and numbers like this?" I turn around to face her and she examines my eyes.

"I see so you are one of them. The ones who needed all the pieces to fit and have the gift without the price." She mutters

"What?"

"You have the Shinigami eyes. You were born with them and only one other person on the planet was born with them. You just needed to find the one person who was missing in your life.. well two and then the gift would be granted to you. The numbers you see are death dates and the names are the names that were given to them." She disappears into my wall and leaves me to figure it out.

I throw myself onto my bed and face the ceiling. _Shinigami Eyes? Wow well I must be _really _lucky. _I have an unnaturally long lifespan _and _the eyes? Yes that is right Fear told me all about Daniel, the servant boy who loved her and crossed into the Shinigami realm with her.

He fell in love with the human who looked most like her; _me. _My mother let me walk to school for the first time in my life last year and that's when everything changed. A man crept up behind me and put a knife to my throat and told me if I moved he'd kill me. The next thing I knew he was at my feet dying of a heart attack and a death note fell onto the pavement beside me.

That's how I met Fear and that is how I am able to live until I am at least 2000 years old (her words). If I choose. I most likely won't and there will be something in my life that I can't live without or a time when I feel I'm not needed. I will have to take my own life, it is the only way out unless I wish to be a skeleton who is stuck in bed. Yes I know it is rude to say but I don't want that future.

I don't know what to do.. it could be cool but there will be times when I want to gouge my eyes out. I wanted to see if this was true so I took out the one picture I had of my mother and looked at it.

The numbers cracked and fell but I saw that it was the exact date of the crash.

I walk out into the halls and observe people from a corner. Nate River - Near, Aiden Michaels - A, Beyond Birthday - Backup... that couldn't be right could it? Oh well more people watching; Alexandra Fieldings - Linda, Mihael Keel - Mello, Mail Jeevas - Matt, L. Lawliet - L... okay that is a bit more believable but no.

Carmelo Halian - Carele, The names went on and on. I hated seeing the numbers so I shut my eyes only to have them haunt the darkness behind my eyelids.

Matt and Mello - January 26 2010

L - November 5 2004...

Wait I lost track of the years... it's not 1999 I must be insane. I sigh because I do that far too often. It's 1994 and A will die in exactly 8 years... wait! L dies at 25!

Whoa where did that outburst come from? There must be something wrong with me. I wait for a very long time until Backup walks by again, I see his name but no numbers.

I wonder if he'll know.. surely he would know what my seemingly harmless sentence meant if he had the eyes. If not it would just reinforce the fact that I am mentally insane... wait does that make sense? Who cares...

I walk the halls and I go back and forth until I decide I should tell him. He is nowhere in sight. Why not take advantage of this and take the time to satisfy my caffeine craving? I buy a Coca-Cola and drink it in under a minute... that can't be healthy. Maybe I'll wait more. I wonder if I can find anything good in my room to do.

I walk back to my room, when I pass the boy's who were making fun of that little boy yesterday and shoot him one of my best death glares which must be enhanced by my blood red eyes. Hah, I've always wanted red eyes now after less then a day I want to rip them from their sockets. Oh the irony.

I dig out a game I am addicted to and put it into my x-Box. I play for hours until it gets dark. Even then I do not stop. I have always been a 'night owl' as they say. Pausing my game of Dead Island I stand up and walk out of my room. The halls are dark, it is lights out and nobody is allowed out of their rooms , nobody cares so I am not surprised to pass Linda. _Why does she get to live longer than L! _I scream in my head.

Okay what is wrong with me? You hate people Nonie, you hate people. I mean L is someone you can hate right? I mean look at that stupid way he sits and keeps away from every one else? What, is he too good for people? _He sticks by you._

"Shut Up Brain!" I say too loud.

Immediately I clamp my hand over my mouth hoping nobody heard me. Also why doesn't he wear shoes? That's so weird. _Neither do you. Once again _Shut Up _brain. _I walk until I start bumping into doors and seeing things. The next thing I know I am on the floor and unconscious.

_**OoOooOOOOOOOoOoOOOOOoh what's gonna happen? well I'll tell you soon because tomorrow is the last day of school and I can write all I want in the summer! :D Okay so yeah I do not have an xBOX or Dead Island but I am however addicted to caffeine and LOVE coca-cola. I do not have brown eyes but I want contact lenses. I have yelled out 'shut up brain' in the middle of class before and I enjoy people watching (without the eyes). I death glare at people a lot when I'm mad at them :l ... I want red contact lenses xD OH and I'm random very random :P I don't have an x-Box sadly :( but I have played a few games for it like Dead Island (my personal favorite.) I love watching zombie movies (good ones) Zombieland is one of my favorite movies because of the way the zombies run... like this ::flails arms around as I run:: I have a normal lifespan... hopefully. You see... if I had to describe my diet to you... just think of what L eats and that's the same for me... most of the time. But I do eat normal food and I don't ALWAYS stay awake 24/7 but I try I have gotten close to collapsing on the floor when I got home from school (luckily I made it to my room on time.) I see things when I'm tired and I see feel and smell them too but there is no possible way they could be there. I see the ghosts when I am wide awake though so don't go all scientific on me now xD. I'll try to make the chapters longer but I kind of like the way they are now, short and to the point but that sounds more like a review.. well I'll to my best. ^_^  
**_


	10. Leaving

**_a/n Well here you go the next chapter.. I can't think of any way to make the chapter longer than it already is.  
_**

Everything is foggy but the room is spinning... where am I. I feel something touch my wrist. What is it... I don't like it get it off! Wait it's a hand... in that case GET IT OFF_ NOW!_

"Is she okay?" A voice beside me asks

"Yes she is just tired, you've done this before haven't you? You shouldn't be so worried." A man says with a British accent.

That's not Roger... Who is it then? Why is someone worried about me? I must still be sleeping and this is a dream... wake up! argh. I decide to just listen in on the conversation more.

"Yes I know I shouldn't worry about a child at Wammys..." _Whoa what? Me? A child? That boy has gone too far._

"But I can't help it... something about her, just.. never mind." The hand is finally removed from my wrist and I recognize the voice... it's L.

I open my eyes slightly to see that it is him and the man with the accent is as all the children call him. Okay wait! Back to L's statement he's only three years older than me! How the h...heck am I a child to him? _He's more advanced than the average 15 year old remember? Mentally he's at least 40 something. And that is at very least._

I notice something.. L and 's death dates are the same. They will both die on November 5th 2004... that would make Wammy 71 and L... I count slowly trying to make sure. He will die at 25... that cannot be right. Why do I even care? Ugh first A now L? Why am I suddenly this... this... girly little creature who cares about... _people?_ I am Nonie the mean girl that you stay away from... the one who hates everything.

Not anymore.

"Do you want me to leave you?" Mr Wammy asks

"If you wish." L mutters.

The next thing I hear are shoes on the floor indicating that I am now alone. Completely alone with someone I should hate. Maybe if I just stay 'asleep'...

"I know you're awake" L tells me.

I sigh and open my eyes I'm spinning again. I don't like it.

"How did you know?" I complain

"I just did." He shrugs.

"So I hear you have a brother here?"

"Yes. It's strange you know? Finding out all the weird coincidences First I find out my only brother in the world was also smart enough to be here and the next thing is I find out... never mind." I avoid stating that I met the only other person in the world who was born with the eyes as well.

Then of all things I start to care.

"You can tell me" L says softly.

Clearly I am changing him as well. When I got here he barely spoke, hated contact with people, disliked everything... now he's this. Only around me though... but why? I suppose the same goes for me.

"No I can't" I shake my head

"You will someday." He smiles for a second, also a rare occurrence.

"Maybe... if you tell me something first.. L why do you care?" I ask

"About what?" He frowns

"Don't play dumb you know I was awake when you said it." I mutter.

"I'm... not sure. I know you do too." _Great. _

"Heh heh... it shows doesn't it?" My cheeks burn red.

L just nods and stares out the window he sat beside me on a chair. Well if you can call what he does sitting. I am in a bed in the nurses office... well more of a mini hospital. I stay in the place for a week and they make sure I'm healthy. L stays by my side whenever he can. Why though.

I hate feelings! They confuse me. It takes me a long time to realize that what I'm feeling now... is something I've never truly felt before for anyone barely even my family but that was a different kind. What I feel is... Love.

It must be because any other emotions don't match like it does. Why? Why love? Even though we aren't competing to be the 'mystery student' 's successor -which by the way is him. He is the mystery student I have all the proof I need.- I still shouldn't get attached. I know, I'll outlive everyone here if I wish. Especially him. He only has 10 years left.

I can't tell him what if he rejects me? What if ... what if a lot of things. I'm not afraid to say I love you, nobody is. What we fear is rejection.

I look at him as he walks beside me to gym we always get stuck together because nobody likes me in gym except Mello, Matt and L. Mello clings to Matt when I'm around I don't really mind though he's just possessive and I don't like Matt... _that way. _Besides I'm sure that Matt and I 'bat for the same team'. As in I like guys and so does Matt... mainly Mello.

I hate sounding all girly but I think I should tell him.. he only has 10 years and I heard that he's leaving Wammy's very soon. When he turns 16... wait. I have been here for two months today and last month was October... he should be gone already! I almost gasped upon realizing I'm in love with a 16 year old... It was bad enough when I thought he was 15. Well my birthday is the month after next and that is when I will tell him. If he's still here.

"I have to go next month." L mutters

"What? Why?" I say sadly _Wait no emotion don't show emotion! _

"I have to... do something." He looks at the floor

"You can tell me." I frown "please" I'm begging now... oh great.

"I have to solve something."

"continue..."

"I have to solve a murder case in Atlanta." L puts his thumb to his mouth and thinks.

"I'm not coming back."

_**Uh-oh.. what's my/the Oc's reaction? find out soon ^_^ gotta think for a bit but it'll be up today or tomorrow I'M OUT OF SCHOOL! So I'll be free everyday to entertain you guys xD. So... confession time. I hate physical contact (as you know) and 'GET IT OFF NOW' Would most likely be my reaction. Yes "I am Nonie the mean girl that you stay away from... the one who hates everything.". I am good at hiding things and quick thinking. Just not with my math xD. I tend to fall for the strange ones, the older boys or on t.v shows and anime... the bad boys LOL. Not in this story but I love BB :) Mine :l When I miss someone Or am going to and I know it I tend to react like this :**_


	11. The Truth

_**a/n Yeah Buddy! Ghost powers ftw! ^_^ And thanks for the review again Kashagal and Natures Ruler for the nice reviews :) I'm weird too don't worry you aren't alone xD Confessions at the end :) In this story here are the ages:  
**__**Nonie-12  
Matt-10 going on 11  
Beyond Birthday-14  
L-16  
Mello-10  
Near-7  
A-13  
**_

_Wait what leaving? T-Today? _My eyes go wide and I stop dead in my tracks. I lean up against a wall and try to make sense of things as my thoughts run wild inside my head. It feels like I am about to pass out again, the thoughts make me dizzy and I snap back into reality. The place I hate more than anything.

"Are you okay?" L tries to hide the bit of concern that creeps into his voice.

'I'm fine' I sign.

I look up at him and he's smiling at me. Before I realize what he's doing his arms are around me. I'm stuck, he's hugging me. I have my arms around him and I really don't mind it. We stay like this even after the bell rings to go to class. I can miss gym once. I don't want to be a successor and Roger understands that.

"I'll miss you." I admit

"... I'll miss you too." No emotion, I can never tell with him... is he lying?

"Don't lie" I sigh

"I'm not." he looks down at me, his eyes say he is telling the truth but his voice says he's lying.

"I don't believe you." I whisper.

After a long pause he asks me what I'm keeping from him and I don't know how to reply. I am keeping a lot of things from him but I know which secret he means. He grabs my upper arms gently and I stare at his eyes. You can tell a lot about people by their eyes. L is far too complicated and It's hard for me to guess what emotions he is feeling because he hardly has any.. only about me, I think. From what I've heard at least.

"You're hiding something... just tell me." I love that voice and that is the problem.

I sigh and I can't say anything. _Don't make me tongue tied, don't wave me goodbye. _ I shoo the lyrics from my thoughts. I wonder if there is a disorder name for that.. always coming up with song lyrics to describe your situation. I'll just call it C.U.W.S.L.T.D.Y.S Wow that's a long name._ Focus Nonie, focus._ Oh right I kinda have A.D.H.D.

There must be a frustrated look in my eyes because he smiles at me again. I can't talk so I sit against a wall. Silently.

"Please don't do what you did before. I like talking to you." L tries to cheer me up and it works

"I like talking to you a lot too. Will they get mad if I skip one day?" I ask him

"No, I do that far to often." He looks out the window again.

"Well you know who you are what are they going to do about it? I'm just a student" I roll my eyes

"Not really..." his voice trails off

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You are my friend... my only friend here. I thought I didn't need people... you're about as strange as me and I think you're nice."

"Thank you that means a lot to me." I smile.

We sit against the wall in silence as the day goes by. I really could stay here forever in silence and be fine with the rest of my life. Forget responsibilities I'll stay here in my corner. With one of the people I care about. The only person in the world from my perspective but I know the bell has gone off and I should see all the people but I don't.

I just sit,think and people watch. A will die in... _what day is it? __oh yeah December 5th. L has less than 9 years left. _Never enough time... A has less than 2 years. I have to find out why. If I have to start caring about people the least I can do is try to help them. I hate my life.

Carele... December 28th 2002 making him... 22. Well then.

"What's wrong?" L looks at me

"Nothing." I mutter.

"Fine." He sighs.

I continue and I notice that all of my friends will die young. Matt and Mello die at 19, A dies at 15, L at 25, BB however... I cannot see his lifespan. I can't see the year but I can see that he will die on January 21st. I have noticed patterns in their behavior B stays away from me when I'm near L, Matt and Mello are inseparable and Mello is overly protective of Matt around me. Matt is shy especially around girls. Mostly because he has no experience with people other than Mello. Matt is addicted to Video games. Mello is aggressive and violent but he means well. He is addicted to chocolate.

'Backup' is very strange, more so than L. He dislikes people very much but he's talkative. His best friend is A and he considers me a friend, _great someone else to care about._ He hates L and from what I've seen is very competitive and always wants to beat L at everything. His addiction is strawberry jam.

L is the one I know the least about, I now know he has emotions. Only they are hard to find. He -as I already know already- dislikes physical contact -like me- but for some strange reason I am an exception. His addiction is sugar.

A is my brother, he is friendly yet he has no friends other than B and I. His addiction? He doesn't have one other than being a workaholic. Poor A he looks like he's happy but he's so stressed out. The way his dark eyes are just show you the real emotions although he presents himself as happy and-

"L's Got a girlfriend!" Carele falls to the floor because I trip him.

He looks at me with an angry look on his face but he screams when he sees my eyes. Someone asks what's wrong and he screams

"H-her eyes!" and runs away.

L tells me my eyes look normal and I take out my iPod and I check to see that they are my usual shade of dark brown. I think or what Carele said and they flash red. Hmm it appears that my eyes are only red when I'm angry. This can be fun.

"L?" I mutter

"Yes?"

"I'll miss you" I admit

"I know I'll miss you as well Nonie" He replies.

"No that's not what I meant." I sigh

"Then what did you mean by it?" _great now he's looking into my eyes.. I don't- I can't speak._

I hold up my right hand. I hold the letters I,L and Y up at the same time. The single gesture that means 'I love you' in American Sign Language.

_**Alright confession time.. I do the song lyric thing all the time and I do have signs of A.D.H.D. I would have tripped Carele for saying that and if you want to know what Carele looks like to me I'll ask you this; Have you watched The Hunger Games? If you have then I imagine that he looks like Cato. (Alexander Ludwig) Both as Cato personality wise and as Alexander looks wise. Just look up 'The Hunger Games Cato' and click the link for wikia and that's pretty much Carele (minus being in the hunger games of course) But if you want to see the hunger games and you haven't yet DON'T because there are spoilers on the Wikia page. LOL anyways... My eyes are dark brown and I sure wish they were red when I am angry that'd be cool XD! A lot of that stuff about the characters is true up there ^ but not for A and B. Well I'll shut up and let you read the next chapter. Bye guys! :D  
**_


	12. Stalling

**_a/n Zetsubou Girl- Yes I know I'm evil MUAHAHAHA XD Enjoy this chapter for making you wait :3 You guys are so nice I have to say it again ^_^  
_**

_Why did I say that? _ I stand up and walk quickly away from him, grateful that no one else was around to see that. As soon as I had told him I regretted it. As soon as I rounded the corner I started to sprint away. Fleeing from the feelings I hated to admit. I try desperately to remember the directions to get to my room after this part.

_Left...right...stairs...straight.._are those footsteps?_RUN..left... unlock the door... go inside... lock the door... CLOSE IT FIRST!... unlock it, close it... lock it. _I fall back against the door with my head in my hands.

"I could tell you what he said if you like" Fear rasps.

I shake my head, maybe when my thoughts stop going insane. I get up and fling myself on my bed. Staring up at the ceiling I try to sort out everything. _He knows! What will he say? Did he leave already? _All these questions fade in my head and my thoughts are panicked and loud but I can't hear them.

I desperately search my drawers for my iPod, the one device I have that Roger doesn't monitor... because he doesn't know I have it. I play Eyes Open by Taylor Swift and try to sleep. The volume is as loud as it can go and I start to drift off to sleep when it plays Owl City but immediately after it plays Marianas Trench by August Burns Red and A voice is screaming at top volume in my ears and I snap awake.

It is dark out and someone is knocking at my door. I open it slightly, hoping it is not L and it isn't. It is A and Beyond. I let the door open and they walk in. I sit on my bed and wait for one of them to speak. Nobody says anything. B sits on my couch across the room and A is sitting on a chair against the wall with the window.

"So?" I say to them

"I heard A is your half brother?" Beyond is obviously not saying what he was going to.

A sighs then tells me the truth "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I cross my arms

"I heard you crying in your sleep." He whispers.

"He knows." I hang my head, I told A because I know I can trust him.

"Who knows what?" Backup frowns.

'Can I tell him?' A signs

'Yes' I reply with a sigh.

"She um... how do I put this... _Likes _L" A states awkwardly.

At the mention of L Backup cringes. He really doesn't like him...

"Why do you like that... anti-social little b-" B starts but A interrupts him

"Don't swear" A shoots a look at him that makes him shut his mouth.

A seems to be getting more and more stressed so I decide I have to say something.

"A stop worrying about me. If you have to worry about someone worry about yourself, you have enough to take care of." I frown

"Yeah I noticed too... what's on your mind?" B asks

"Just work stress." He mutters.

"Well than just try slacking off for once. You won't drop off the leader board if you try to slack off once." It sounds like I'm begging again, I do not like it.

For a long time we sit in silence awkwardly. A thinks about my suggestion for a very long time and nods. _Good. I am happy that he's going to_.

"What if I fall behind?" A looks terrified

"A you are far ahead of everyone, you really think you'll fall behind? Even B is far behind you -no offense because we all are- there's enough distance for you to slack off for one day. Don't worry if you do happen to fall behind we'll both help you, right B?" I look at him and he's nodding.

"Don't worry okay?" B smiles at his friend.

A nods and tells us he's tired and walks to their room. I sit against the wall on my bed with my knees on my chest and me and Beyond just sit there staring at each other for a while. I wonder if I should tell him. Instead I start to stall.

"So what's new?"

"Nothing just trying to figure some stuff out." He mutters.

I decide I should take a chance and say it, he's staring out the window this is the perfect time to say something.

"I have the eyes." I whisper.

This gets his attention his bright red eyes snap away from the window and focus on mine. He curses at me and tells me I'm a liar. My eyes flash red and I growl at him saying that I am not a liar and if he thinks so he can get the H**l out of my room.

"Alright I believe you, I was just trying to make you mad to see your eyes go red. It's cool having the eyes isn't it? But there will be times..." His voice fades away

"But your eyes are red all the time" I mutter

"Yes because I could see the names and numbers since I first opened my eyes. That is why my eyes are always this color." B replies.

We sit and stare in silence for a long time until one of the staff members comes in to tell us it's lights out. Beyond tells me he'll see me tomorrow and he walks out. I have nothing to do but sleep. I fall backwards onto my bed and try to think for a bit. I glance at the clock and it is 9:30pm.

Should I talk to L? Has he left yet? I don't know what to do... That's when I hear a quiet knock on my door. Who could it be at... 11:30? already I've been thinking for two hours? I get up and open the door to see L looking at me. His hair is in his face and I can barely see his eyes. I look at his hands, one is holding up the sign that means I love you in sign language.

**_MUAHAHA I'm so evil two cliffhangers in a row! Well I don't think I have many confessions today other than I would have done exactly that if I told someone that. That's really all I could do I can't just stand there and talk about feelings you crazy? Me talking about feelings in person? Pfft you've really learned nothing about me from my confessions :P When I panic I forget things like when I was really little and I lost my mom in the grocery store I forgot what she looked like :l yup I'm cool like that and that totally wasn't last year :S It didn't show that I was panicking but I am a very anxious person. xP Not one of my best qualities. Well I have to go do chores -_- so I'll update later. Bye!  
_**


	13. Strength and Questions

_**a/n So here's the next chapter I don't really have much to say other than hi :3 Oh and I got the Volume one of the Manga and The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases! :D ::Does Happy Dance:: ^_^ just thought I might share that LOL. Yes I'm using things that came out after Death Note as things that exist (example; Owl city songs) but That's just how I write. So here's a reward for me making you wait :) Oh and warning this chapter is awkward because I'm struggling to write these parts that are kind of emotional yet the emotions are supposed to be buried if you know what I mean? Sorry I make no sense xD  
**_

Was he serious? L looked right into my eyes and his eyes said he was truthful. I stood there wide-eyed and not believing him.

"Are you joking?" I frown

"No" He is once again emotionless.

"I'm still leaving but I've decided to visit every once in a while. I'm going by the alias 'L' because only you and a few others know me as L the rest of them know me as Raven." He said

"That's good" I smile

"I'm leaving in the morning but I'll be here to say goodbye'' L frowned when he said he was leaving in the morning but like every emotion I have ever seen him have it was only there for a split second.

"Okay." I reply

"I'll see you in the morning then?"

"Yeah... I-I guess" I stutter.

With that he leaves. _That was the most awkward conversation of my entire life. _I think. Great now how will I sleep? I have to many questions without answers. Like why do I like him in the first place? Why can't I express feelings with human beings... only electronic devices... I only say my true thoughts online. Why couldn't I have just said to him what I wanted to?

I fall asleep listening to my Owl City playlist on my iPod and I wake up at 6am. Someone is at my door once again and I answer it to see L and Wammy.

"Good morning" The older man smiles at me

"Good Morning" I smile back.

"I'll visit as soon as I solve the case alright?" L says quietly

"Alright" We hug and they leave.

He is confident he will return and I am as well. Now I will have a bit more alone time with less friends here and I am kind of glad for that but things will be less interesting here now. There is no doubt in my mind that I will miss him. I decide to just sleep for now and to ignore the rest of the world, I realize I can't miss another day of school and that it is 6athem and school starts in one hour. I straighten my hair and brush my teeth, all the regular parts of my morning routine.

The bell rings and I rush downstairs to the second floor where class rooms are. Beyond joins me right away and we walk to Math. B is my partner now that L has left. I am okay with that because of all the people I am friends with at Wammy's (really only 5 people 6 if you count Near who kind of looks up to me now.) Beyond is my best friend.

"So class..." the teacher continues to talk about numbers that I understand even when I am only half-listening. Class really just goes on and on all day passing by meaninglessly. BB has replaced L in every class of mine because he is 'Backup' so I suppose that Beyond was given this job so he doesn't raise suspicions. Then again all the kids here are too stupid to guess that B is not L. The only difference is the eyes and the personalities.

"So... you bored now that he's gone?" Beyond

"Nope." I reply as I dodge a ball that someone throws at me.

"Hmm. Well I really hope he stays gone" B growls and whips a ball at someone making them dodge and run right into a ball I have thrown.

We make a good team and I notice the rest of our team has been hit and are now all sitting on the benches. There is only one person left on the other team and that is Carele. We both got him and our team won.

"That was luck!" he screams and walks up to me and Beyond.

I push him to the ground and walk away. Carele screams curse words at me as I walk away but I don't really care. The rest of the day goes by very slowly and it is uneventful. I realize that I haven't talked to Matt or Mello for a long time... _maybe I should ask if they want to hang out with me and Beyond today. _I wonder why I feel the need to socialize then I realize it; Image.

I don't want to act like that stupid girl in that book... what was it? Dusk or something? No wait it was Twilight... god that book sucked. Anyhow, that girl... Bella or whatever, stopped talking to people when that... sparkly guy left and she got all depressed. That's not gonna be me. I'm strong and why should I need... whatever I should call L... to be around me all the time?

That brings up the question though... what do I call L? Friend seems like it's not enough... best friend isn't right either. I sigh _I hate feelings. _They make it so everything that I think seems far less rational. I just wish there was something that could tell me what everything meant... then it hits me. I need to ask Fear.

_Oh how amusing she'll find my questions. _

**_Yeah I read Twilight the books are... okay I suppose but the movies made me want to not live on this planet anymore... though I have OCD with finishing books and movies (CURSE YOU!) so I'll have to make myself watch the last movie somehow without vomiting. heh heh. Yeah it's true I only say things that hold any emotion online. :/ it's kinda sad really. I would have tried to knock Carele over but I'd have failed xD and everyone at Wammy's (the children) think B has left already and been adopted (because some people can -in my story at least- adopt the kids :cough: iftheyaren'tsmartenough :cough: Not saying B isn't smart enough because he is, but I'm saying that's what they were lead to believe. Later chapters will be longer when the story is more interesting :) Sorry for the wait I'll make the next chapter really soon :)  
_**


	14. Matt and Mello

**_a/n did my best to update :) I OWN NOTHING! :) This chapter is mostly talking but don't worry I'm just stalling for the later chapters ;) I'm thinking I'll make this a series? Thoughts?  
_**

"You really want _my _help with emotions?" Fear laughs

"I have nobody else and you're the closest thing I have to a parent now..." I frown.

"Okay fine." She sighs.

"Thank you" I smile

"I could tell you your future -which I can see by the way- but that would be against the rules" I sigh "All I can tell you is that he'll come back and visit... and his emotions are real too." She smiles.

_Real? Like he.. loves me too? _Fear nods and leaves me in my room to think.

L... l- I can't say it again... too shocking. I sit there on my bed for hours wondering how they are real and if Fear was lying to me. Thank god I am saved from my thoughts once again by a knock at the door. I rush to see who it is and of all the people in the world it's Mello._Thank you_, I think as I smile at him.

"Hey" he smiled

"Hi Mello" I smile back

"So I hear A's your brother, huh?" Mello asked.

"Yeah. He is and it's strange you know... all these years I thought I was an only child and didn't even have half siblings yet I found A." I shrug

"Yeah. So on another note I've gotta say... wow. Just wow, I didn't know you had it in you new girl." He smirks

"Had what in me?" I frown

"You pushed Carele down in gym today. All the kids under 11 are kind of looking up to you now."

"Great." I say sarcastically .

"Oh shut up and come play video games." Mello laughs

"I'll let you bring your brother" He offers

"What's the catch? Why are you suddenly Mr... Nice?" I cringe at the word nice.

"Listen Matt's kinda got a crush on you and I need you to stop that." He glared at me.

I out right laughed in his face.

"Mello you do realize that Matt is gay right?" I whisper

"Um no..." He looks confused

"Yeah and so are you." I smirk.

"If you tell anyone anything I will shoot you in the face!" He snarls quietly.

Once again I laugh at him.

"Mello. Being... like that is not bad at all. Why would I tell anyone if you didn't want me to? I know you're religious Mello and I wouldn't ever judge you, we're friends right?" I smile

"Yeah we are but how do you know what its like" Mello growls

"Both teams Mells" I mutter.

He looked at me with a very surprised look on his face and then I just walked out of my room. Mello followed me and dragged me back to their room. We played Smash Brothers Brawl on Wii and I played (just like always) Princess Peach. Matt played as Link and Mello as Ganondorf to my surprise I beat them both.

We played different games over and over and I lost most of them to Matt... of course.

"Hey Matt can I talk to you in private for a second." I say as my character falls off a cliff.

"Um... sure" Matt pauses the game.

We walked out of the room Mello mouthed 'what are you doing?' I just winked at him and mouthed 'don't worry I know what I'm doing'.

"So um Matt..." I smile

"Yeah?"

"You like Mello right?"

"Yes he's my best friend." Matt says, looking very confused.

I lead him further down the hallway.

"No I mean _Like..._" I drag out the word so he knows what I mean

"What! No!" He growls

"Matt shut up I know you do." I lean against a wall.

"Alright I do okay? Please don't tell anyone okay?" he admits with a sigh.

"Okay lets go back alright." I smile.

He nods and we walk back to the room and I smile at Mello. Matt presses play on the video game and we begin the game again.

"Hey Mello you fail at this." I laugh

"By the way Matt you'll thank me later for this" I smirk

"What?" He says nervously.

I pull out a recording device I had in my pocket and I press play and it plays back the conversation we just had in the hallway. Matt's face burns red with embarrassment and I can't help but laugh at him.

"Ew Matt you're gay?" Mello exclaims.

_**Hahahaha... I mean Kya hahahahahahahahahaha ^_^ cliff hangers how I love you xD. Yeah don't worry I'm sitting on the computer at 10pm with nothing to do I'm not done writing just yet. Confession time! If I had a Shinigami like Fear I'd totally go to her for help! I hate the words Love and Emotion but I can't seem to stop writing about them. :) Yes Yes I support Gay people transgendered... etc and I quote my OC "Both Teams" I think that sentence speaks for itself yes? I love Smash Brothers Brawl and I always Play as Peach or Pikachu :3 yeah I love video games, I suppose If I were a DN character (I believe I have said this before) the main two that I am are a mix of Beyond Birthday and Matt (Mail Jeevas) and for a third main one I'd be Misa because obviously I'm a blonde girl who can be stupid at times ::cough:: Misaisstupidallthetime ::cough:: excuse me. :P I'll update really soon ^_^**_


	15. Phone Call

_**a/n Kyahaha I am the master of cliffhangers here to bring you what was said in that room after Mello said that. Oh and the date is December 30th 1994 time left for A: 7 years 40 days 2 hours and 57 minutes this chapter is short but I promise I'm getting to the middle of the story so sh-t is about to get real xD  
**_

"Kidding!" Mello laughed at our expressions and fell on his bed laughing.

I sighed with relief and Matt glared at me.

"What the h-ll Nonie?" He growled

"Matt I already told her I love you... that way" Mello whispered and smiled

"Oh... then thank you but _never _do that to me again." Matt frowned.

I nodded and left the room for them to talk alone. I found A just about to go into his and B's room so I interrupted him and we started talking about how our days went. He's still stressing out over everything so I keep trying to calm him down. I ask him where B is and he tells me that he's in Roger's office for something.

"You don't know what for?" I asked

"No quite frankly I don't care." What was happening to A? I feel so horrible for him.

"What's wrong?" I frowned

"Nothing." he snapped and slammed the door to their room.

At that moment in time I knew A would never again be that cheerful boy I met when I first arrived here. I walk the halls like I used to in the first few weeks of my arrival. I wander around until I actually bump into someone again. Terrified, I look up to see Beyond and I thank god it wasn't someone else.

"Oh... uh sorry." I frown

"It's okay... just watch where you're going." He says with a chuckle

"So I heard you got sent to see Roger?"

"Yeah apparently I'm catching up. I don't want to be Backup though." He sighs

"Who would? Pfft it's kinda stupid, a whole building full of kids who are supposed to be successors for one person. What's effed up about it is there are only like three girls in this whole place.. me Linda and Max but we all hate each other." I shrug.

"That's the only effed up part?" B smirked.

We laugh and talk for hours.

"You know B you're my best friend" I smile

"..." he frowns for a second and avoids my gaze "Yeah, you're my best friend too." he smiles back at me.. but it's fake.

"Something wrong?" I frown

"No." We talk for a long time and then Roger shoos us back into out separate rooms telling us lights out was a half an hour ago.

I sigh and walk to my room, shutting my door and locking it behind me. I turn my cell-phone on silent just in case. I never get calls anyways but I decided to because I had the feeling that I should. I played video games all night until I passed out (it was a weekend). When I wake up my head is buzzing... wait no that's my phone.

I snatch it off the bed and answer it immediately.

"Hello?" I ask the unknown caller

"Hello" it's L... what could he possibly be wanting from me at this hour?

_**Nothing to confess but at least now you know what Mello said to Matt ^_^ I'm gonna go watch anime now :) that's why this chapter is short and rushed. :) sorry but now you know right?**_


	16. Death Note

_**a/n So here you are the next chapter :) hey I'm gonna post a story with the Death Note characters in an insane asylum for various reasons and I'm putting my OC in it (I've decided that's going to be my thing, you know now that she'll be in every singe fic I write but not necessarily as a main character. Sometimes she'll just be like a person who works at the front desk of a hotel. :) just thought I should tell you) In the story (I'm calling it Mad House) she is however a main character. If you like my story here maybe give the other one a try if you want. But be warned it's very dark and twisted at parts. Enough of my spamming you, here's the story. By the way I'm uploading that story like 10 seconds after this xD  
**_

"Oh hi.. what's going on?" I say sleepily

"I wanted to let you know I solved it and I'm going to visit" L replied calmly.

I smiled, that was good that he had solved it... wait solved what? Oh right the case in Atlanta, we studied it in class there is or mor accurately _was_ a murder case going on and that was what L was working on.

"Okay that's good to here" I reply

"Sorry I must have woken you up. I'll see you in a while."

"Bye" I said and he hung up.

Hmm... very unlike him to speak like that, not the calmness that's always what he is like but I mean the words he said... something's changing... he's less... himself when he speaks to me. Why? Wait... he changes me too. I'm less this angry, hate-filled, antisocial _thing_ and more of a human being.

I sigh as I get out of bed, well... I wanted to be normal this is about as close as I'll ever get. I go to my computer to check the date... I'm horrible with years and months and days, they all seemed pointless until I got the eyes. Now I am constantly reminded that every living thing around me will die at some point.

It is...December I know that... oh right new years eve it is December 31st 1994 and L is 15... still going to die at 25. November 5th 2004... the day my life will lose all meaning again, unless I still have any number of people left around me. I can't live without these people here, I know that now. Fear (both my Shinigami and the feeling) may keep me going after they all eventually die but I'll break with in... about a month of their deaths. The truth is I'm scared of dying. Of course I am also afraid of my Shinigami because I know she will be horribly mad if I decide to throw away my lifetime after these "meaningless" humans die.

I pace back and forth in my room, trying to think. _Wait!_ Why has my day taken a sudden dark turn? I'm not... well I am dark and twisted but why after... oh I'm just getting distracted again! What time was it? It was only a matter of 30 seconds before the random thoughts consumed my brain and I collapsed onto my bed.

The thoughts swirled around my head and took over everything. I hated these times when I can't think normally or anything. I stand and shake out the thoughts. I look outside and I answer my first question... kind of. It's still dark out but I'm fully refreshed so I decide to walk the halls like I do in the morning.

I glance at my shoes... when was the last time I wore those? Who cares? I shut the door softly behind me and creep through the hall of doors. Every door has at least one person behind it and I know lots of them are light sleepers. When I get past that hall I start to walk normally instead of walking on tiptoes.

I walk by the classrooms and wonder how many times I have walked the halls like this. I walk everywhere in the whole orphanage even the places we aren't allowed in. I almost laugh because in my head I sound like I'm this kid bragging about going somewhere they aren't supposed to _ooh how terrible._

I laugh but I decide it doesn't sound right so I shut up. I always disliked my real laugh. Now every time I laugh I try out a different laugh... if I remember. I don't even know what my laugh used to sound like.

I walk and I bump into someone again. God when will I stop doing that? Please don't be Roger. I look up and it's B.

"Ha. Caught you. A little night owl here are we?" he smirks

"What do you have to say for yourself young man?" I glare

"I'm older than you" he chuckles.

"God you make me feel like a little kid." I sigh.

I always call people older than me children. It just seems more fitting than calling stupid people like Carele children rather than whatever you call a 13/12 year old. I have to remember though Beyond is extremely smart... far more intelligent than I.

"So what are you doing awake at 3:15 am?" he asked

"What does it look like? I'm hunting for unicorns" I say sarcastically.

We decide to walk together, I spend far to much time with this boy. However I don't give a f- flamingo? I'm trying to curse less and it isn't fun.

"Hey this guy's strange" Fear looks at B

"I can see you you know?" Beyond frowns at the Shinigami who is checking him out

"The eyes... oh right." I smile

"Well then I'm Fear. Your friend here has a Death Note." Fear smiled at me.

_Why did she have to show up?_

_**Well yeah I do forget what day and year and month it is but I'm usually only one off for the year (ie. it's 2012 and I still think -at times- that it's 2011) and as for the month I'm not that bad but if they have the same beginning letter I'm scr-wed xD. The day is almost always wrong unless I have been told 10 minutes before. Yep I consider myself a very dark person. I am a very anxious person, at night when I can't sleep I pace and walk through the halls. Or I read Fics on my Ipod :3 yes I substitute the f-word (there I go sounding like a child again) for the word flamingo or sometimes firetruck -remember I watch smosh xD - and if you don't like it go flamingoing firetruck yourself :P I call people my age and older children if I think they are stupid or just to tease them -usually the latter-. *RANDOM FACT* I like to call people sir who are obviously not sirs (ie. my mother)**  
_


	17. Gone

**_a/n Thanks for another great review! Firetruck Yeah! xD alright so we're still not at the good part yet but we will be soon DON'T GIVE UP ON ME YET! XD :P  
_**

"I knew that already. I couldn't see your lifespan when you got here and then one day you suddenly had the eyes... I knew." Beyond shrugged

"I don't know how I got them really... I never made the deal" I frown

"Neither did I... I don't even have a death note, I was born with these." He replied

"Really? Cool.. must be depressing." I sigh.

"Oh it is. Having to be reminded all the time that everyone here is going to die..." he trailed off

"I know... kind of. I've only had these for a week and I am already starting to be depressed. Not that I wasn't already" I laugh but I don't know why.

Beyond smiles "That's why I like hanging around you. I can't see your lifespan, just your name. Plus you are nice" he added the last part.

"Yeah thanks, same goes for me. You're such a great friend to me" I smile.

There is that frown again.. does he not like being considered a friend?

"Something wrong?" I frown

"No nothing." he replies.

No matter how many times I ask him he won't tell me. I give up very soon. Fear has patiently sat through the conversation and listened in. Laughing sometimes when we talk.. I'm not sure I like the fact that he can see her. At one point we are almost caught by Roger. We duck into a corner and he walks right by us.

When we both agree that it is safe to walk away we do.

"Stop right there." Roger growls.

I don't think he has seen us so I mutter "run." We bolt down the hallways and split up. I head to the classrooms and Roger catches me.

"What do you think you are doing?" Roger frowns at me

"I... uh..." _Fear why didn't you warn me? Wait where is she? _

"Back to your room. I will be speaking to you in the morning young lady. If I catch you out again... there will be consequences. How do you think Mister Wammy would feel about this? He has faith that you will be in the top three by next week, he brought you here personally. Now come with me." He commanded.

He took me back to my room. The only thing I could think of was, it is sad that I cannot outrun that old man. We are at the door to my room.

"By the way, you have a visitor coming in the morning. Now go to sleep." with that he closes the door and leaves me alone.

That always happens to me, the first time I do something bad I am caught and the ones who do stuff like that all the time are the ones who get away. I wasn't even listening to Roger so I don't know or care what he said when he closed my door. Suddenly I was tired so I crawled into bed.

* * Sleeping * *

I wake up with the sun in my eyes, when did I open the curtains? I look around and I'm in my room but something is wrong. Nothing is out of place other than the curtains but something is wrong. What happened?

I rush around my room, checking everything nothing is out of place. I continue to run around like an idiot, even checking for meaningless things... my toothbrush is there in my bathroom. I get on my hands an knees and check underneath my bed every little box is there, every little thing inside the boxes are there.

My Ipod, my xBox, My Wii, the T.V my dresser, my clothes, my bed... everything. But something is gone and I can feel that it is missing. What a great new year, first thing I do is run around like a crazy person... well not the first thing. The first thing I did was answer my phone... no sleep that's the first thing, then I answered my phone. Then I walked in the halls... Beyond can see Fear... Wait! I'm looking for stuff!

Stupid.

I look in my drawers and all my clothes are there. As I'm searching it hits me. _The Death Note. _I push my dresser so the back of it is facing me. I search the back until I find the spot that has a tiny little line that fits only my finger nail I yank open the secret compartment that would otherwise go unnoticed.(I made it)

My Death Note is gone.

_**Kya hahahahaha! Lol so if you are still reading, thanks! ^_^ if not then you will not get to see how it ends ::smiles evilly:: Confessions, every time that I do something bad I get caught the first time -.- I always sleep with the curtains (in my room they are blinds) shut so no one can see me. I am very good at hiding stuff but I'd be to lazy to make a secret compartment like that xD Geeze I don't have much to confess any more. I think the next chapter still won't tell you where it went ;) Speak up now if you want to know right away. If you don't care and you can wait just tell me in the reviews and I'll make the next chapter with Matt and Mello in it ^_^ one of my very most favorite couples (I know it doesn't make sense so deal with it) -Phantom  
**_


	18. Stay or Leave?

**_a/n Kay here you go ^_^ I see that the verdict was for the answer and here you go (another short chapter)  
_**

"What the h-ll?" I mutter

"Lookin' for this?" Carele smirks

"How did you get into my room!" I screech.

"Doesn't matter, you're crazy and I'm telling Roger" He laughs "I mean? I notebook of death? how much crazier could you be? let's see..." he flips through the pages.

"You won't find a single name" I glare

"Found one" He points to a single name, the one in the middle of the book where nobody would think to look.

_Randy Carlisle_, A murderer from Vancouver. He tried to kill his own family on live television, he put a gun to his niece's head and screamed 'give me the money or they all die!'. I remember the broadcast like it was yesterday... Randy was my uncle. He didn't see me write the name and he didn't know it was me who killed him.

When that gun was against my head I knew what I had to do to save my mother and grandmother. Uncle Randy was crazy... he was a user who was unstable. I did what I had to do and it haunts me every night. It was all a waste of effort.

"Anything to say for yourself?" Carele growls

"That you're next if you don't hand it over and keep your mouth shut." I glare

"According to the rules you need my first and last name" he challenged.

"Oh trust me Carmelo, I am well aware." I smirk

"How do you know that? Well you don't know my last name so HAH!" He shouts

"Your full name is Carmelo Halian and your middle name is Jasper... tell me, why did you creep into my room? Most of all how did you know to look behind the dresser?"

His eyes went wide for a second, realizing his life -to him I was dead serious, but I couldn't do it- was in danger.

"I knew there was something wrong with you... it was just a lucky guess that you hide this where I would hide my stuff. Lucky you're a heavy sleeper." He laughed.

I have an idea... I got myself angry so my eyes flashed red and stayed, this wasn't enough. Carele was startled but he didn't run.

"Well Carmelo I _Fear_ you are messing with the wrong girl." I smirk as my Shinigami comes to my side.

Carele freezes and drops the book. He stumbles back into the hallway screaming 'what is that thing! What is that thing?' over and over. Now nobody will believe him that I have a book that kills people -as if they would anyway- because they will all think he sees things that aren't there.

I pick the book up and put it so it is hidden by my sweater, the bottom of it is stuck in the top part of my shorts. I'll have to seal up that compartment today.

"Yo man what's wrong?" one of Careless' friends asks

"Can't you see it?" he screams.

"Dude you're crazy."

"She's the one with that... that pet _monster!" _Carele shouts.

I look at him funny then look to his best friend and shrug. I give the sign in sign language that means wacky... really its what kids use anyways for crazy. I tell them to take him to Roger and they do.

I shut my door and wait until I can't hear them anymore.

"Fear I need you to do something for me." I frown

"What?"

"I need you to take back ownership of the Death Note, and then give it back to me if you wish. If not simply leave me... your choice. Please." I say, handing her the notebook.

She nods and with that she flies away.

"Prepare yourself to forget." she nods at me again.

_**So confessions first and then I will say my random stuff :P Yeah you know the sign you used as a kid to call someone crazy,a wacko, wacky, or just plain weird? yeah in sign language it means wacky. Randy Carlisle is not my uncle I got the name Randy from (get ready for a long pointless explanation) The Walking Dead marathon on T.V I'm a few episodes away from the part where **SPOILERS AHEAD** Randall comes into the picture -yeah I liked Randall, deal with it. So I just shortened the name. I got Carlisle from Lucy on Raising Hope (if you watch it she's Hope's mother who murdered her boyfriends). I do not have a secret compartment on the back of my dresser nor do I know how to make one. LOL. Yeah TWD marathon on AMC (it's half over already and I watched it all :D) I just finished watching the episode 'Secrets' and it continues in the morning with 'Pretty Much Dead already'. That's all for now. Muahaha 'nother cliffhanger, will Fear give back the notebook? Or will she stay with me/the OC? Another question for you... how long does Fear have left? I mean haven't I had her since I was Eight? only four years or was she prepared? Find out tomorrow after at the same time (about 11pm)  
**_


	19. Running Out of Time

**_a/n So here you go. Once again thanks for the support :) Another cliffhanger and another short chapter. My chapters will get better once I get to when she is graduated from Wammy's. I promise I won't keep up this lazy boring crap for long... just tired. But I'll get to timeskips and important events really soon... in fact... just wait like a few chapters ;)  
_**

My mind went blank for a second and then I remembered it all. My parents are dead, my brother will dies soon, my Shinigami took my Death Note... wait what? Wasn't I supposed to forget everything? She must have not taken it yet. My thoughts are only answered with a little black notebook at my feet. I pick it up and look and sure enough the name Randy Carlisle is gone.

I guess it was the eyes that let me remember. I don't really want to see lifespans though. What did this mean? Does Fear like me?

"Yes." She answers "And it was because of the eyes that you did not forget."

"Oh... but Carele does right?" I ask, slightly worried.

Fear nods and gives me the full "I have to stay until you die" speech.

"Oh by the way were you listening to Roger last night?" Fear asks

"No" I laugh.

She shrugs and laughs with me. What to do... hmm I should go see A. I smile at Fear and say 'happy new year'. She just laughs at me and tells me I remembered.

I walk out the hall to see Carele stomping away and yelling at his friends who are laughing at him. _I win. _I smirk. I'm competitive okay? I love to win but losing is something I can stand, I hate it but it's bearable. I knock on A's door and B comes out.

"Hey, how was getting caught by Roger? Happy new year by the way." He laughs at me

"Yeah thanks for that- oh cr-p I have to go talk to him. I'll be back in... considering it's Roger... three years" I frown.

I rush off down the hallway and sit outside Roger's office. He tells me to come in right away and assumes that I slept in. I immediately shoot back that I just didn't want to talk to him. He gives me a speech about how it's wrong to be out late at night when I should be studying. He wants Watari/Wammy to know he made the right choice by bringing me here. I don't like being pressured.

Roger says that I should have slept because I have a guest coming to visit today. Whoa wait... who would care enough to visit me? Isn't it not allowed to have people you know before Wammy's here and I am too tired to figure it out. Who in the world could it be?

Roger dismissed me and I practically ran out of his office. I knocked on the door to Beyond and A's room and this time A answered. I looked above his head and the numbers now read ; September 1st 1995. That was this year.

_**Sorry I know it's short but bear/bare (sorry Idk which one to use O_o Help?) with me! It'll get interesting! Yes I am quite competitive and I can stand losing... I just don't like it... in fact I hate it. Not many confessions just one :/ well I have a question. When I finish this and/or my Asylum story I'm going to make a story with Death Note Characters in the hunger games (some OC's in it) Win or Lose? As in Good Idea or Bad? Thanks for support guys you're amazing :')**_


	20. Visitor

_**a/n So here is the next chapter... sorry I've been busy I have a life in the summer yay! xD And I made some new friends at the river ROFL I'm a nerd... I jumped off cliffs and into the water and stuff, people here are so nice sometimes :) I still don't like people very much but some are okay when given a chance. :) Like you guys, you're awesome. Thanks Anonymous Tokumei No for all the nice things you said. :D You don't have to review me in return you know so don't feel pressured to. Thank you though because I love reviews :D lol And I love your stories too :D Thank you also to Kashagal and Natures Ruler for all of your reviews too and for supporting me (that goes for all of you ^_^) thanks for the review and I love the pen name :P I still own nothing  
**_

"What?" A said sharply

"Oh nothing... what's wrong lately?" I ask softly

"Nothing." he snaps.

"Sorry." I look at the floor

"Want to walk with me?" I smile

"I'm busy." He snaps "I have to study." With a glare he slams the door in my face.

"Oh no.. A what has happened to you?" I whisper so only I can hear.

I walk around, really hoping nobody will talk to me. I looked outside there were children playing as there always are at this time of day. I pulled my sleeves back down to my wrists and walked outside. There was still some snow on the ground, I hid under some trees. I was comfortable with my Ipod hidden in my shirt and my headphones hidden from view.

My battery died and I took out some papers that I kept in the right pocket of my shorts and a pen. I started writing song lyrics and I was very focused on what I was doing until Near walked up to me.

"Why don't you wear shoes?" he asked

"Well... bare feet help me think... and it's comfortable. Why don't you?" I look at his feet

"Same reason." He said simply and walked away.

_He blends in with the snow! _I tried to keep from laughing. God I'm mean in my head. Wow I sound like those boys who bullied him... at least I don't voice it. I look around and realize, this is the tree I always sit underneath. What should I do to pass time? _People Watch! _I laugh quietly to myself... If people watching were a sport I'd be a pro. I guess the eyes even wrecked some of the things I used to do when people watching.

I used to guess names from what people looked like. Oh well. I watch some people a girl asks Near to play but her friends tell her to leave him alone. To my surprise it was not Linda it was a girl named Elizabeth Patterson otherwise known as E or Ever. Lifespan; January 30th 2029. To me she looked about 5 or six and it is 1995 so that means... she will die at 32? I don't feel like doing math.

She went inside so I watched Near. Nate River he would live a long life and die at 87. I cross my arms, all the people I let myself care for die before they should. I sigh, If only I could give them some of my lifespan. I wonder... no Fear would have told me. Or would she? Yes she would have.

I wonder when my best friend's life will end... hopefully I'll at least have him. Oh well I really hope so... I sigh and get up because I'm starting to get cold. I walk- no run is the right word- to my room. Avoiding people and taking the hallways people are rarely in. I just don't want to talk to people right now.

I rush into my room and shut the door behind me.

"Fear." I whisper

"Yes?" She asks from my bed where she is eating some of my candy.

I almost laugh she looks so happy for once. I don't get mad at her for eating the whole drawer full because she looks as happy as a little child eating her candy.

"You can see B's lifespan right? And Mine?" I ask

"Yes but I can't tell you his. Or yours other than you have many years left thanks to Daniel" she sighs

"Why not?" I ask again.

"I don't know it's just another one of the rules. Please don't act like a three year old going through your 'Why?' stage" Fear laughs

"Okay." I smile "you owe me all of that" I gesture to the empty drawer.

"No I don't go eat real food." She replies

"Yes mother." I frown.

Fear laughs at me from her spot on my bed as she continues eating the candy. I sit beside her and take some Air Heads.

"Take them all I hate those ones." Fear cringes

"Good I plan to." I laugh.

We sit and eat candy for most of the day and listen to music. Luckily Fear likes the stuff I listen to. I talk to her, forgetting others can hear me when they pass by my door. When I realize that I talk quieter.

"Will student letter X please come to Roger's Office." The intercom voice commanded.

"Isn't that your letter?" Fear frowns

"Oh great, what did I do now?" I mutter.

"I'll come with you if you want?"

"Yes please." I squeak.

You see the thing with the letters is that you usually are assigned the letter that your alias starts with. N and NN are taken but X is not so I picked that being the immature person I am because X sounds cool. Mello is M, Near is N, Matt is M2, A is obviously A, Backup is B, Carele is C, Linda is Q, L is R because most knew him as Raven (assigned the name by Roger), and I am X.

I walk as slow as possible to Roger's office because I know I must be in trouble because Roger obviously hates me. He tells me to come in as soon as I arrive but not before scolding me for being late.

"I told you last night you have a visitor." Roger frowns.

"Hi." A familiar voice says.

I look up immediately to see L standing there.

_**OoOoOoH xD Well its almost to more important parts thank you for your patience. Yes I have a candy stash but a Shinigami didn't eat it. I love airheads favorite flavors in order - Blue Raspberry, Cherry, Strawberry, Green Apple, Mystery flavor (the white kind), watermelon :S. O)o that was random but who cares? I am random. Yes given the choice I would pick the letter X :p I am awesome at hiding my headphones and my ipod when I have to. Especially because when I do a test it helps me think. I would want to let people have some of my lifespan if it were indeed possible to do so if I knew they were going to die. Bye :3**_


	21. Chatting and Stalking

**_a/n So here's the rest and I really thank you for being such great people and being patient when I don't update or when my chapters suck. Like I said it's almost halfway through (longest fic I've ever written!) and it'll be getting interesting here soon ^_^ This chapter is pretty much just a conversation, I tried to make it so it wasn't but that didn't work well so I just let it be.  
_**

"Hi" I say, looking at my feet.

_Really? Being shy?_ I think. Immediately I look back up. _I'm twelve not eight. I stopped being shy when I was eight._

"Will student letter R please come to the office?" Roger said into the microphone.

If it makes any sense at all L's letter is technically -known to others than B, A and I- R. The children here now know B as R because B - as you know - is posing as L for the time being. A few seconds later Beyond appeared and Roger let him in. When he spotted L he gave him a death glare. It's a little much... but really? Who wants to be somebody's backup?

"You are back now as yourself. The story is we found you because you ran away and the 'being adopted' part was a rumor. Okay?" Roger says

"Yeah sure." B growls.

"See you later." He says to me before he walks out and gives L another dirty look.

"You two can go now." Roger says to me and L.

_Thank god you can practically feel the awkwardness. _I hate being in the same room as Roger since he obviously hates me. We walk out the door with Fear following us.

"You're a liar." I smirk

"I know but what exactly are you referring to?" L asks

"You said you weren't coming back." I reply.

"Yes but then I said I'd visit." he replies

"Well... fine then you win." I give up.

"I think I might be staying here for a while. Still doing my job of course but staying." He says

"What exactly is your job?" I raise an eye brow as I ask

"I can't tell you right now. Not with people listening." L replies.

We walk around the halls like always and I feel like somebody is watching me other than a Shinigami. I turn around but nothing is there.

"Something wrong?" L asks

"No, nothing." I mutter.

"You have a very pale shadow." Fear snickers

_What the heck is that supposed to mean?_ I turn around again a few seconds later and I catch something moving by the last corner we passed. I walk up silently to the corner and peek around it. That is when I realize what Fear meant. It's Near who is following me. Seriously? This kid hates people just about as much as Beyond hates L and that's saying something. Literally no emotions, no friends No nothing! Why is he following me?

"Hi." He says in a shy voice

"Hello my little stalker." I laugh.

He looks at his feet, ashamed. Near doesn't say anything for a long time and he looks terrified when L walks up to him.

"Is there something you need." L smiles, obviously amused by this.

"No." Near replies and runs down the hallway.

"Well that was... strange." I frown

"I think that he is scared of me" L laughs

"I have to agree with that." I smile.

We walk away from where Near had been hiding. I still think that there is something wrong with that kid.

"That kid is a pain. He's been stalking me and wants to talk to me every time I want to be alone." I mutter

"Well I am not sure but I think the most likely answer is he either admires you very much or he has a crush on you." L replies

I laugh at his answer "What gives you that impression?" I roll my eyes at the completely impossible answer.

"Well Near is completely anti-social so that is my guess." L replies simply

"Maybe he actually wants a friend." I refuse to believe that a sheep has a little kid crush on me.

"Would somebody stalk you if they really wanted to be your friend?" L asks

"It's possible. It is a little kid we're talking about here." I reply

"Very true but your idea is about.. 20% believable."

I shut up after that. As soon as you bring percentages into stuff I lose interest in my argument. I always hated math, I'm terrible at it._ Hey I can put random percentages on things too! There is a 1% chance that a bird will fly into the open window at the end of the hallway. _I think to myself.

"I still don't agree." I mutter, still being stubborn.

"Fine. Don't believe me then." He rolls his eyes

"Do you act like you do around me all the time?" I attempt to change the subject

"You are just trying to change the subject aren't you? Oh well... No. I suppose not." L replies.

"Why?" I ask

"I'm not sure. I think... never mind. I'm not good at emotions." He frowns

"Don't worry neither am I." I look at my feet.

_**Well I'll put up a chapter again later tonight. We're almost at an interesting part I'd say in the next three chapters and then I have it all planned out. Sorry for all of my awkward random weirdness so far. I am bad at figuring out their childhood because they are all so unlike normal children. That is why I used myself as an OC instead of making up my own. It's hard enough trying to work out the childhood without developing a new character. Alright confessions; I am terrible at math (especially percentages but I'm getting better.) I hate it when a little kid 'likes' you -yes believe it or not I have had a little kid get a crush on me before- I hate it mostly because it's a little creepy. One time I was at a friends house sleeping over and she has a little brother. We were eating soup for some reason and her brother was watching us. She kicked him out and told him to go to bed and the next thing I hear from around the corner is "I just want to watch her!". That was her little brother who said that and that was one of the most awkward moments of my life but I couldn't stop laughing. I have a habit of laughing when I'm nervous... well actually I just have random outbursts of laughter. At all the wrong times of course (example: when I was watching TWD a character was getting devoured by zombies and I couldn't stop laughing at how fake it looked and how hilarious the zombie looked. Of course my mother thought I had gone insane because I was laughing at -what she thought I was laughing at anyways- a person getting eaten alive.) Where was I? Oh yeah that's all the confessions I have this chapter. Thanks for reading this far into my story -it'll pay off soon I promise :) Thanks for your patience guys you're all awesome, time to go all Oprah on you "YOU GET A favorite! You're on my favorites list, you're on my favorites list!" xD When I can if you want :) sorry I'm not actually Oprah so I can't promise cars xP**_


	22. Secrets

_**a/n here you go here's another chapter as promised ^_^ I hope you all like it (timeskip in the next chapter I think (haven't decided yet but I'm pretty sure.) possibly this chapter will be the timeskip instead you'll just have to find out. Possibly both) This is going to be finished really soon since I'm almost done with my improvising :) Oh and my OC's birthday is January 27th (like mine of course :P) So she is 13 in the story.  
**_

**Time skip **

_Date; April 3rd 1995_**  
**

"Well I'll see you in a few months"

That's right he was leaving again. I have kind of gotten used to it now because he has done this 4 times already. L told me what he does and what his job is finally and I'm surprised I wasn't smart enough to figure it out. Completely a face palm moment. He is a detective and in 6 months he has become the world's greatest

"Okay I'll see you then." I hug him and he leaves with Mister Wammy.

I walk around my room trying to figure out what I should do for the rest of the day. Mello and Matt don't really talk to anyone any more, only each other. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for them but I'm a little bit better with my social skills now and I do like to talk like I used to. A has changed a lot now and I really miss the old him. The boy who liked to talk and always had a smile on his face.

A used to make everyone laugh, he was impossible to hate but he never had friends because he is a workaholic. He still is but magnified by ten. Now he rarely comes out of his room. Only for class and when we are all forced to eat food. He doesn't talk to me anymore and he yells at me when I try he's a bitter person now. Not the sweet boy I met when I first arrived. A doesn't even talk to Beyond anymore.

B has come to accept that but still, whenever I hang out with B we have to stay in their room because we are both afraid his numbers will fade away faster again. His death date is still September 1st of this year. They have been ever since the day they changed again. We constantly watch him because we both know that he is going to die and his numbers could fall at any time now.

I decide to go see them now. I knock on the door and as always B answers.

"Come on in." He frowns

"Anything?" I ask desperately

"No. If anything at all he's getting worse. He won't even sleep." Beyond sighs.

"...A?" I ask.

Silence. Nothing not even a glare like I had gotten last week when I tried to speak to him.

"It's no use I've been trying all day." Beyond holds his head in his hands as he sits on his bed.

I sigh and sit next to him. I glare at B for a moment until he asks me what I'm mad at.

"How do you just give up? That isn't the B I know." I glare

"Well does that seem like A to you? Can't we just accept what he's going to do?" He snaps

"I don't want to." I mutter "Neither do you."

Beyond doesn't talk to me for the rest of the day until we hear Roger's footsteps down the hall. I walk over to my room across the hall like I have done every night for the past few months and shut my door. I wait an hour until I walk back across the hallway. Beyond catches me yawning and says he'll take the first shift watching over A.

I nod and shut my eyes as I lean against the wall. I fall asleep instantly and I wake up on the bed and B is sitting in the spot I was in before I was asleep. I smile at him.

"Thanks... I was really tired." I stand up and go to sit beside him

"No problem, I'm surprised you didn't wake up. I am still wide awake. Thanks for taking most of the shifts last week." B whispers back.

"It's okay it wasn't any trouble I guess I was so tired I didn't really feel tired you know?" I shrug

"You should have seen the signs. First you're giggly and then you cry about everything. Next comes my favorite - the one I like to laugh at you for. You get super paranoid. Then you get so tired you pass out. You did that about five times." He laughs

"Really? Would you like to know how you act when you're tired?" I snicker.

"No but you'll tell me." He smirks

"You bet I will. You are very chatty at first and then you laugh at everything, you see things that aren't there and you tell a lot of secrets" I laugh.

Beyond curses under his breath and asks what I told him. I tell him nothing interesting when really he told me all the reasons why he hates L. Everything bad he's ever done in his entire life and why A really is his best friend.

He hates L because he feels like his only purpose here is to be his clone, his copy, his_ Backup_. He hates him for a reason he wouldn't tell me even when I threatened to throw his jam out the window. Beyond hates L because he thinks he is stuck up and thinks he's better than him. B thinks he doesn't care about A or any of the children here at all.

Beyond is best friends with A because he was the first person he met here at Wammy's House and the only person who was nice to him. B doesn't care that A is the top student and that he is the second best he likes A because he understands. A is his roommate and 'the only thing he has that's even close to family.

Beyond also told me that I am his best friend and A is more like a brother than a friend to quote him 'We are more like family. Too close to be friends... But you, you are my _best friend _... but I wish...' he wouldn't finish that sentence even when I threatened him.

"B?" I ask

"Yes?"

"I'm going to try to talk to him." I frown.

_**I was not 13 in 1995 :l That would make me 31 O_O You'll find out what B wouldn't tell me in the later chapters and you'll see the timeskip again soon ^_^ You will also be seeing other stuff and in about 2 chapters this will be good :) confession time. I do this when I'm tired; in this order it is; Giggles, Depression, Paranoia, Anxiety, Paranoia and Anxiety, Scared easily, I NEED to write and draw whether It's my comic book I'm making, a song, a story ANYTHING I just need to, then I pass out. Trust me I know I've done this 3 times this week so far. I might have insomnia... anyhow... I really love writing this story :D I'll be sad to see it end :/ Thank you for the support once again :") I can't stop saying that :D I'll probably update again tonight I'm on a roll xD**_


	23. Too Late

**_a/n So here it is the chapter where I can stop doing my improvising. Confessions; the story I tell about embarrassing myself in front of a guy I thought was really cute? Yeah that happened last year -.- Here is the next chapter D":  
_**

I tried to talk to A but he wouldn't say anything to me. I went back to my room for the night because if I didn't Roger would find out.

**Time skip**

_Date; August 31st _

_Time left for A; exactly 24hours  
_

_We have a rules at Wammy's and one is if you are sick one day you must be at school the next or at least have Roger give you all of your assignments. You need Roger's approval to do your work from your room though... and Roger hates us so that wouldn't happen tomorrow. A had been allowed and we had not.  
_

I ran to A's room this morning and B let me in without hesitation. Today B and I both 'caught the 24 hour flu' that everyone at Wammy's seems to be getting this week and are staying in our rooms for the school day today. We both stayed quiet as we watched A working away at his desk.

"A?" B asked and there was only silence as a reply.

He asked multiple times before he screamed "ALTERNATE!" at the top of his lungs.

"What the f-ing h-ll do you want Backup?" A growls

"Please just take a break for a little bit from your work A." I whisper

"Fine! You want me to slack off today? I will!" A growls at me.

"A please. We just want you back for a day. That is all... Please?" B asks

"Okay." A sighs in defeat.

We talk and laugh like we used to and for a few hours A was back.

"Whatever Mr. 'I'm so cool' what about that time in third grade when you were trying to flirt with Ella and you tripped over a desk?" A laughs

"I'm sure we've all done something stupid like that at some point." B laughs nervously "Back me up on this!"

"Um... when I was camping when I was 11 I was talking to this guy I liked and I tripped over my own feet and fell down a hill. The next day I was talking to him again and I walked into a tree..." I looked at my feet as they both laughed at me.

"Hmm... oh I remember this one time I was trying to impress Ella in grade 4 and I fell down the stairs." A laughs, trying to make me feel better as I laugh nervously.

The rest of the night continued like that until we all fell asleep.

* * *

I wake up too the bell ringing and A working away at his desk again. I sigh and look at his lifespan still ticking away 01:30:19 one hour 30 minutes and 19 seconds to go.

"A are you going to be okay with us gone?" I ask, knowing the real answer is no.

There is no way to stop him from doing it. We hid everything that he could possibly harm himself with and put it in my room a few weeks ago and their window doesn't open. We locked the bathroom door last night and he can't get at the mirror in there. B gets up and I see the tears before he wipes them away with his sleeve.

We say goodbye and I hug my brother. When we are about to go out the door A smiles at us and says

"I had fun last night... thank you. That was the most fun I've had in my life." and with that he returns to his work.

Before we shut the door I catch his lifespan 150 20:30:40. It went up but there is no guarantee it will stay there. I smile because it gives me hope that he will be alive when we get back.

Nothing interesting happens all day. I'm bored without B and Matt and Mello ignore me in gym. Careless gets stuck being my partner and we have to fight. I win of course and he complains for the rest of class about how I'm cheating.

I change and rush to art class. I know B will be there and that's really what I'm looking forward to. On the way to our seats Carele takes a dive and falls to the floor in front of B screaming about how he tripped him. The teacher tells B to go to detention after class. Art is our last class of the day on Fridays so Beyond tells me I have to go check on A alone.

When the teacher turns her back Beyond looks over at me.

"Give me your phone for a second" he asks

I nod and hand him my cell phone. He presses a bunch of buttons and tells me to just press talk and then 13 if I need him after school. I nod and take back my phone. The ending bell rings and we go in our separate directions. Beyond goes to see Roger and I go to a room that I hope won't have a dead person in it.

I run down the hallways because something tells me I am not too late. I fling the door open when I get to their room. A turns around and looks at me with a sad look in his eyes. He drops an empty bottle on the floor that once held sleeping pills.

"I'm sorry." A whispers and with that he falls to the floor. _Dead.  
_  
I feel my eyes starting to fill with tears as I shut the door to his room _I was too late. _I take my cellphone from my pocket and with tears still running down my face I dial 13.

"I was too late." I whisper.


	24. Aftermath

_**a/n This chapter depressed me :/ I liked A D"x Thanks for the reviews guys you're awesome and supportive. Thank you for the new reviews and favorites and adding me to your alerts and stuff you all make me feel so happy :)You're awesome :P :D back to the depression now :(  
**_

I sat with my back against my room door in the hallway. Roger chased B down the hallway yelling at him to come back. I told Roger what happened when they got there and he opened the door to see A on the floor of the room. He called the hospital even though he was already gone. I didn't want to go, I didn't want my memory of A to be him lifeless I want it to be his last night with us when he was happy, alive and laughing.

B stayed behind with me and sat with me. Silently we both looked across the hallway and at the now empty room. I found myself crying again and I pulled my knees to my chest and held them close, just wanting to disappear. I didn't want anything to do with the rest of the world at this moment. I wanted to disappear.I knew how to deal with a family member doing this but nothing truly prepares you for death.

You never accept it even when you expect aunt did this last January and I was sad for a long time until I realized that committing suicide was extremely selfish. The thing was that I never had a chance to stop her. A's death? My brother just died in front of me and if I ran faster I could have stopped it. This was my fault. He's gone now and I can't help that.

"You tried." B whispers to me

"I'm going to go sleep okay?" I say, standing up.

It's noon but I want to be alone he nods and I shut my door behind me. I wait until his footsteps fade away down the hall until I really start to cry. It's the one feeling I hate when you cry so hard you cannot breathe. I have cried that way before a few times but never when I am being watched. It is weak to cry like this I know but I can't help it.

I decide to collect myself after about 15 minutes so I do and I can breath once more. I decide to go and take out my floorboard that's under my bed, my new hiding spot for both notebooks. The journal Roger gave me and the Death Note. I take a pen from my pocket and sit on my bed.

_From now on I will only write song lyrics to describe how I feel. I would rather let you decode them than actually tell you.  
__If I die young bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses.  
Sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song...  
_

I wrote the rest of the lyrics and closed the book. When I hear a knock at the door. I open it and B is there looking at the ground. I tell him to come in and he does. We sit and talk for a while until I randomly start crying again. I try to hide it but it's no use.

"Are you alright?" he asks me

"I'm fine." I mutter, looking at the floor.

"Are you okay to talk about... it?" B says softly

"Yes." I whisper.

I wait for him to say something and he doesn't so I just stay quiet.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without A... I've never had a room to myself, ever. He was always my roommate." He sighs.

It takes me a second to realize what he is hinting at.

"Like you could get Roger to agree to that." I scoff

"I have an idea." B says

"What?"

"They sort the rooms by.. sexual orientation right? I'll just say I like boys... no problem." He shrugs.

I actually smile at him "You'd seriously do that?" I ask

"Yeah. I would." He replies

"Beyond Birthday you have no shame" I shake my head.

That was the night I got a roommate and the night that Roger hated us a little less. B told me exactly what he said to Roger to convince him. He told Roger that he was gay and he didn't believe B at first. B also said that I was a little bit messed up from what happened this morning and shouldn't be trusted alone.

I cried a bit more that night until my eyes turned red - like they do when you cry too much and like they do when I get mad. It's hard for me to keep it together at night when everybody is asleep and I have no one to pretend for. My room seems crowded when really it's just normal now. Two beds two dressers just another room at Wammy's.

I felt my pocket buzz and I almost jumped three feet in the air because I forgot that it was there. Who could be calling? Nobody phones me? Only one person... L.

_**not the greatest chapter but... oh well its getting better and closer to being finished :) Yes the aunt story was true (bless her soul) I miss her a lot and she died this January but I'm alright - as in I don't need sympathy. Even if I get news like... the guy who voiced Mermaid Man on SpongeBob died (yes I cried about that!) and I cry I can still laugh about a minute after. I have to move on at some point and the first thing I do is deny cry and then deny some more and then I cry and accept. Sometimes I get angry. I needed to find a way to fit the random moments into my stories that I think of. Like that being roommates thing? B pretending was unnecessary but it got my OC to smile and that's what I wanted. It makes me feel better to vent online. A few more random things that are going to happen are people singing together. One coming up really soon will be B and the OC singing A song by Three Days Grace. The song in this chapter by the way was If I die Young by The Band Perry. I like putting music in my stories because it is really one of the few things I'm emotional about. I can't write a song fic to save my life and I despise musicals so I decided the journal thing would be a good way to do that.  
**_


	25. Notebook

_**a/n Thanks for... everything I guess. I'm probably going to stop the a/n at the top of every story unless I have important things to say ... for the most part I don't... so here xD  
**_

"Hello?" I mutter

"Hello." sure enough it is L

"I heard what happened today... are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes I'm fine, thanks for worrying." I yawn

"Oh... sorry I woke you up" he apologizes

"No..." I yawn "just tired.." I say sleepily.

"Well... goodbye" L says

"Bye." I reply.

With that he hangs up and I fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up with the curtains closed again, no wait... its night. I look around and check my Ipod and sure enough it's 9pm.

"Morning." B says

"I missed school?" I ask

"Yeah but Roger is letting you stay out of class until you feel better. You're stuck with me by the way." He smirks

"Why?" I frown

"Because I have to watch you remember? Roger won't let you be left alone after that." He replies.

"Oh.. I better go to school tomorrow then.." I mutter

"You got permission to work from your room when you're ready." B replies

"I'm never going back there." _I know how they'll look at me now, just like everyone else from my last school did._

I look at the floor and I see faces like always.. you see I like to find smiles in random patterns I always do and I used to laugh about it with my grandma. Only all the faces on the ground look like they are crying, screaming or just sad. It's disturbing and I look away.

"So... you know I'm not gay right?" B asks

"Yeah why do you think I called you 'shameless'? Faking stuff like that... But you _are_ doing it to help somebody so I guess it's okay." I shrug

"Alright." He nods "I'm going to walk around. If Roger comes in here cover for me, 'kay?" Beyond says

"Alright." I nod as he walks out.

I start pacing again and I turn on my music for my head phones. At one point my Ipod falls out of my pocket and slides under B's bed. I mutter a curse word, this is like the 10th time I've dropped it. I look for it but instead I find a notebook. _I shouldn't read it... what if there's something I really shouldn't know in there. _Says the reasonable part of my brain I listen to it until the unreasonable part screams for me to open it. I ignore it for a while until I can't anymore. So I open the book and this is what I read.

_I usually hate it when new people come to Wammy's house because they never know their place here... Why am I even writing in this stupid thing? Oh well... Anyhow, But this girl isn't that bad. She's quiet and nice... h-ll she's pretty too. Only she won't talk to me... she only uses sign language. A can understand her though. So he knows her name; Nonie._

What?... I ignore the part that is a complement because I don't really want to acknowledge it... I'm bad with complements. I read the date and it was my first day at Wammy's I turned the pages to the latest entry; today. I feel like a horrible person for doing this but I can't help it. I'm too curious for my own good.

_I had to fake being gay for her ... I'm okay with that. She's my best friend after all. I've taken caution now in case somebody reads this and in the case that is is her; Hello, I don't mind you reading this. If it is anyone else then drop this book and run before I kill you. In case Roger reads this, which I'm sure he won't until the day I leave this behind. Then I want you to know I hate you. Everything about you. Roger if you read this before I come back then I still hate you and I know you hate me too.  
_

_Anyhow. I really want anyone reading this to know that I hate L and he needs to know that A's Death is his fault and not Nonie's. She blames herself because of him and He needs to know that. I hate him with everything I have. I want you to lose L and you will fail at some point. He has a letter that he has promised not to open until the day I die and if he opens it before I die I will know. I wanted him to know something and one other person will get a message like that as well but that's a long time away.  
_

_I'd like you all to know that by the time I allow anybody other than Nonie or Alternate to read this then I will be dead or gone. ~ B  
_

I shoved the book back under the bed and grabbed my Ipod and sat on my bed. I feel bad for reading that now even though it said I was allowed. I don't think I should have. I listen to music and close my eyes and before I know it I wake up and it's morning. Was I asleep? I don't really know but when I look across the room B is asleep so I know at least that much was real. I hear a bell ring and I fall off of my bed._  
_

"Sorry." I say when I see I woke him up

"It's okay." Beyond laughs.

"Hey you wanna learn sign language? I can teach you." I say randomly.

I spent the rest of the day trying to keep my mind off of everything else and teaching my best friend sign language. By night he's still not bored and we have gotten all the basics; Hello, How are you, My Name is, all of the alphabet, I love you, I am, Help, stop it, No, Yes, etc.. By the time it's lights out he knows how to have a basic conversation.

_**Nothin much to say other than; In case you want to know why she isn't really reacting to her brother's death it's because she's denying it still. The patterns thing is real I do see that a lot and it's common most people do. You'll get to read the letters ... or will you? LOL I love leaving stuff like that, oh the evil cliffhangers xD Sometimes I do fall asleep without realizing it but was she sleeping? or awake? dun dun dun... LOL any questions? Review and ask if you do ^_^**_


	26. Emotional

_**Wow their childhood is far longer than I planned xD This is short but I'm writing the next chapter right after.**_

"You two. Go to bed... NOW" Roger says to us before closing the door.

I sigh and sit in my bed, B does the same.

"Shoo!" I whisper-yell as I laugh

"Not tired yet." He smiles

"Fine. What do you want to do?" I sigh.

"Hmm..." he says, looking around the room "Hey you watch The Walking Dead?" B asks

"Yeah... you want to watch it?... but be quiet." I say

"Yes, I do and don't worry I don't really want to see Roger again tonight." he smirks.

We end up watching the second season with the volume as low as it can be while we still hear it. When in the part with Glenn trying to get a walker out of the well I start laughing. Beyond looks at me like I'm the craziest person on earth, because it looks like the character could get eaten alive by the zombie/walker.

"What is funny about that?" he asks

"I'll rewind it, you tell me." I laugh.

I rewind the video a few seconds and pause it at the part when it growls at Glenn. B starts laughing like I am.

"The face... that's what you were laughing at." he laughs

"Well yeah! It's ugly to begin with and funny looking and then he goes and sticks his tongue out." I smile.

B sighs "I think I'm starting to get tired now." he yawns

"Okay, good night. Now off my bed" I frown.

"Fine. By the way I know you read it, I'm fine with that." He smiles and walks across the room to his bed.

It feels like forever until he falls asleep. I sigh, I must have really bad mood swings because one moment I'm laughing and watching T.V and the next I'm curled up in a ball crying and trying not to wake my roommate/best friend. I tip toe to the door and open it quietly, the lights are off in the hallway so Roger must think we're all asleep now.

I don't shut the door completely because I know that Beyond is a light sleeper. I walk through the halls and try not to make a lot of noise. I rush down the stairs to the Science class room because the teacher always leaves the door open and I would rather not be inside Wammy's House at the moment. Sure enough the window is open and I rush outside.

The tree I always sit under is directly across the lawn from the window in my room so instead I climb up the tree where I can't be seen. I start to cry again over A. I hate that feeling. The sensation that you can't breath through the crying. I try pulling myself together but it's no use, I have no motivation. I do start to cry less though.

It fades until the tears fall silently. I would sing to pull myself together more but it's no use, there is no reason to. I don't even care about the guilt that I was laughing, I just don't care. With a sigh I wipe the tears from m eyes and look around but all I can see is the forest around the tree I'm in.

"Are you alright?" Beyond asks

"Yeah." I frown, I should have known he'd follow me.

"Can I come up?" He asks

"Sure" I reply

"You know I'm not really allowed to leave you alone right?" B says as he sits beside me on a branch

"I know, It doesn't bother me... in fact I don't really trust myself anymore" I sigh and lean my head on the tree.

I take out my Ipod and put one of the earphones in and turn on a song.

"Roger told me to give you this when you were ready." Beyond whispers and gives me a piece of paper.

I look down and it's A's suicide note.


	27. Bells

_**Short chapter again... don't worry soon it will change up again.**_

I look down at the note in my hands and almost start to cry again. I don't think I can read it but I try anyways. I've had to read something like this before and I barely got through it.

_I can't take thee pressure anymore, I can't take having to live up to the expectations of being his successor.  
_

_I'm sorry Please be comforted because I am happy now. I'm sorry, B and Nonie. You are my only friends and I let you down.  
_

_B you always believed in me and helped me, you were my best friend until the day I died and that means a lot,  
_

_Nonie you are my sister and my friend you helped me since the very day I met you, thank you both for a wonderful last day.  
_

_L, I let you down and I'm sorry I can't do it anymore. It's too much.  
_

_Goodbye_

_Take comfort in the fact I'm free, A_

That last line was painfully farmilliar. I am angry at him right now, It should make me guilty but it doesn't at all. I'm too mad to care about anything. I'm angry and sad and frustraighted. I hate myself and I'm mad at A for being selfish, that in it self is selfish. I suppose we both are then. I give B the note and tell him I don't want it now.

"Okay, are you okay?" Beyond asks me

"I'm fine." I whisper as I look at the ground

"We should go inside. It's 4 am.." He says.

I nod and jump out of the tree he follows me and I walk back to the window. When we get inside he hugs me.

"It'll be okay." B whispers.

I nod and walk away.

* * *

I wake up to the bell that signals the start of school. No it's not the bell for school, today is Sunday, meaning I didn't miss school yesterday... meaning What are those bells for? I listen carefully. It's the deep ringing of the bell up in the tower. Signaling that someone has died. I hang my head in silence and listen to the noise.

I feel an arm wrap around my side and look over to see B. Tears fall down my cheeks as I listen to the bells go silent telling us it is the end.


	28. Sing to me

_**The song is called 'Animal I have Become by Three Days Grace'**_

I wiggle out of his reach and sit back down on my bed and sigh.

"Can I just act like nothing happened?" I sigh

"That's not healthy..." Beyond frowns

"Too bad for health." I say, my voice is hollow as I look out the window... as if I'm not there.

He sighs and sits across from me with his head in his hands. He's mumbling things to himself and I only understand every few words.

"Someday... away from here... I love... dammit..." he sighs

"I'm worried about you.." I sigh, getting up

"I'm worried about _you._" He replies.

I shake my head and walk over to where he sits on his bed. I notice the tears so I hug him.

"You know, you always make me feel better... It's my turn" I sigh.

He smiles slightly as he continues crying silently and leans his head on my shoulder._ I hate the feeling I get around you... _I think with a sigh. Never have I seen him like this, so sad and innocent looking... it was unlike him. This only magnified the feeling that made me want to pull away but I resisted because he needed me for once.

"It will all be okay someday." I whisper

"Can you sing for me?" he asks, his voice weak

"Well that was random... if you sing with me." I reply.

"Okay... how about... the one you were listening to yesterday in the tree?"

"Okay." I sigh and lean my head on his.

"_I can't escape this hell_..." I start

"_So many times I've tried, but I'm still caged inside_" B sings

"_Somebody get me through this nightmare_"

"_I can't control myself! So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me. No one will ever change this animal ._"

"_I can't escape myself.. So many times I've lied.. but there's still rage inside_" I sigh

"_Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself!" _

"_So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become" _We sing together.

"_Help me believe it's not the real me, somebody help me tame this animal I have become, help me believe it's not the real me somebody help me tame this animal. Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself" _He looks up at me with his eyes full of tears still and I hug him tighter.

"_Somebody wake me from this nightmare, I can't escape this hell!"_

_"So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me, somebody help me tame this animal I have become, help me believe it's not the real me, somebody help me tame this animal... this animal I have become." _

I closed my eyes and listened to him sing the last few words of the song. He mumbles something so quiet I can't understand it.

"He was my best friend." B sighed

"I know... you can cry, it's okay." I whisper

"You are my best friend too... not to mention my only friend now." He sighs and continues crying.

"You're my best friend too B... I wouldn't give you up for the world" I frown

"I know... that's a problem... I feel the same way." He looks at the floor.

He signs something but it's too quick to realize what it was. I caught a glimpse of the letter Y and then it disappears. I guess he does what I do- talks to himself in sign language. I sigh and close my eyes, just wishing that when I opened them I'd be back home.


	29. Hate

_**Hi guys.. short chapter this time ^_^ Guest; if you are still reading FG stands for my initials not F**k God :3**_

"Hey! There's an assembly now- oh, um... am I interrupting something?" Matt's voice woke me up.

I looked around and realized we had both fallen asleep. _Shit._ I jump back and he wakes up.

"No nothing at all." I say quickly and in a nervous voice.

_That doesn't help the situation!_ I shout at myself in my head. B just laughs at me.

"C'mon." He sighs.

I nod and we walk with Matt and Mello.

"So is that where you've been?" Mello says with a wink

"No!" I say hitting him in the shoulder

"Whoa take a joke.." he rolls his eyes

"Sorry." I mutter.

"It's okay." Matt says

"We know what happened." he sighs

"Don't wanna talk about it please." I say.

We all sit together on the benches in the back of the gym, luckily we got there first, therefore we don't have to sit on the floor. I didn't speak to anyone until Roger appeared on stage.. only B in sign language.

'It will be okay.' he signed and threw an arm around me

"I know. Thank you." I sign back and lean on his shoulder 'You are a great friend'.

"Yeah." he sighed.

Matt looked at me funny when I leaned on Beyond's shoulder so I glared at him and he looked away. Roger silenced the room full of children and began to speak. He said meaningless things about life that were supposed to be meaningful. So at first I just acted like I was listening.

"Alternate may not have had many friends or family members." _Who says that?__  
_

"But I know every one of us cared deeply about him." _Roger Ruvie you are a complete liar.. nobody gave a shit when he died and no one does now.. only us._

"He was an extremely intelligent young man and we will all miss him." I tuned him out again because he started rambling.

By the time it ended I was half asleep and B walked me out only to be stopped by Roger in the hall.

"Young man, go back to your room. I would like to talk to Nonie alone." Roger commanded

With a glare he did as he was told, nobody ever disobeys Roger... _ever._ The old man motioned for me to follow him to his office, like B I did as I was told. Keeping my eyes on the floor I walked behind Roger.. _I must be in trouble, that is the only reasonable scenario._Oh how I hate that man. Everything about him. Even the way he walks.. like he's so much better than all of us.. just because he's friends with the inventor who founded Wammy's. Wammy's was invented by Mister Wammy to create a successor for L.. a genius who is already -has been known as since he was only 14- known as L the world's greatest detective. If we are going by those standards then I should be better than Roger... L is... my... I don't know _what_exactly but something.

Once in his office he told me to sit down in a chair opposite him, I did. I hugged my knees to my chest like I did when I was trying to disappear.. it still didn't work but it was comfortable.

"It has come to my attention that Backup has lied to me." Roger said, emotionless

"Huh?" I acted

"Don't play stupid, I know Backup is straight. What is going on is against house rules." He sighed.

"I know sir." I hung my head "I-I just need someone now.. He-he's my best friend and he n-needs me too.. I just-" I started sobbing

"Alright.. I'll allow it. Just know this, young lady. If anything goes on between you I will have no choice but to separate you two." I nodded.

"You have a visitor again." He dismissed me.

I walked out of the office and shut the door behind me, wiping the tears from my eyes I smirked _such a good actress..._ I thought to myself. Oh right.. a visitor. I walked back to my room and I fell back onto my bed. B was already in the room doing homework when I arrived.

"So you got a visitor, huh?" He asked, not looking up from his book

"Yeah how'd you.." I looked up and realized that it wasn't just us in the room

"Hi." I say, voice going shy again

"Hello." L replies.

"You mind I'm trying to do homework." B growled

"Sorry.." I muttered.

Fear appeared for the first time in a long time and glared at Beyond from beside me.

"I suppose we should leave Backup to his work." L muttered

"Okay.." I glanced at B with a sad look in my eyes.

He didn't look up from his book. My heart sunk as I walked out the door.


	30. Awkward Conversation

_**Fluffy goodness ^_^ and guilt... so much guilt :l The nerdy thought is true... you'll know it when you see it xD My evil cliff hangars are back KYAHAHAHA! XD Does anyone else watch; Code Geass , Pokemon, Death Note, AND Avatar: The Last Airbender? Or am I just messed up? Very short chapter ahead... I think this is longer than the chapter... happy reading ^_^  
**_

I sighed as I shut the door behind me... I know he hates L but can't he be an adult about it? I shook my head. I'm just as immature. We walk for a long time through the halls in silence until he realizes I'm not going to speak.

"Something wrong?" L asks, I just shake my head.

"I'm sorry I'm not around to help... it's just, my job." He sighs

"It's alright." I smile weakly.

Once again he hugs me, it's a surprise considering he barely even speaks to anyone at all.. never mind _this._

"L?" I ask

"Yes?"

"What... what would you call this?... Us..?" I ask

"Well... I guess... my girl...who... an... um..." He looked away.

"You've never had a girlfriend.. have you?" I smirk.

L shakes his head.

"Would... um.. that be okay...?" he asks

"Yes." I smile and hug him again

'So you are my girlfriend then?' he signs

'Yes' I laugh.

I feel guilty... for being happy like this after A died.. for well... this in general. I feel like I shouldn't be saying that.. just like it's not right. Fear says nothing, silently smiling at us.

"Have you ever had a boy..." he starts to ask

"Nope." I reply with a shrug "Too busy."

"Oh? Doing what exactly?" He asks

"N-nothing." I reply, looking away again.

_Nobody needs to know I'm a comic book nerd who wants to write and illustrate comic books for a living... and dreams of attending Comic-con in San Diego._ My face burns red at the thought of somebody knowing that.

"Listen.. I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you when..." L stops walking

"It's okay." I say

"No, it isn't I should have-"

"Just shut up" I smirk and kiss him on the cheek.

"Very well then." He grins.

Both are unaware that B had just witnessed that.


	31. I Will Never Forget You

"Well I'll see you later.. Roger's gonna be mad if I don't go to my room now." I sigh, rolling my eyes

"Okay. Goodbye" L smiled.

Once I was in my room I just sat on my bed and listened to music. _I should really do my homework..._ I sigh and pick up my homework. The first question was like a million letters and numbers long.. algebra, I hate it. I finish the page in a few minutes.

"How was your _date_" Beyond growls

"Huh? No it wasn't a date, and fine thank you... what's got you all angry?" I ask, setting the pages of homework down

"Nothing. I am completely fine." He growls

"Awe is somebody possessive of their best friend?" I laugh.

"Maybe." B mutters

"Awww" I tease "You wanna watch TV with me?" I smile

"Sure.." he sighs, putting his homework down.

I turn on Code Geass and watch the first episode. My eyes are glued to the screen as I watch, I haven't watched this in forever and I forgot why I loved it.

"I have a feeling someone has a crush on the actor who plays Suzaku." B smirks

"What? NO!" I push him

"Well it's kinda hard _not _to notice you practically drooling over him whenever he's on screen.. and Lelouch." He rolls his eyes

"Okay so maybe they're cute... but they're just actors. Sure they're totally hot but I bet they're asses in real life." I mutter.

"So you like the character?"

"Well... so far yes. I have to admit though Lelouch is completely hot... how could you not think someone with unnatural eye color and a face like that was attractive?" I rant

"Oh?" he raises an eyebrow.

I don't see what he's getting at until I look at him. Okay so maybe my best friend has a handsome face and he has unnatural eye color- oh shit.

"I worded that wrong" I shake my head.

Beyond just laughs at me.

"But I like Suzaku too I mean he's freaking adorable." I shrug, trying to make him uncomfortable is clearly not working.

We're only on episode 4.

"You know I'm still angry.. you are unforgiven." B says

"As long as you don't hate me" I smile "You know if it's a big deal there are a lot of other girls at Wammy's ... go make me possessive. It's no big deal B." I shrug

"Not the same if you have permission." he smirks.

"Alright I'm sleeping, go ahead and keep watching this but I'm sleepy." I yawn and curl up under the blankets in my bed.

B starts to get up but I tell him it's okay if he stays sitting there, as long as he doesn't mind me kicking him in my sleep. I shut my eyes and try to remember my brother, everything about him. The way his hair changed color, it was light brown one day then blonde the next. His eyes that looked dark brown if you weren't paying attention but really were blue. The scars on his arms from cutting. The happiness in his eyes that was always there even when he was mad or losing it and starting to fall.

His voice, the way it was always cheerful and sweet but still a low voice that made it very clear on the phone that A was a boy. Alternate... Aiden Michaels... my brother...A... he was dead. I sighed and let the tears fall again, being careful to keep quiet. I shouldn't have... but I don't ever want to forget him... I don't even remember who my parents were or how they acted... nothing. Gone.. just gone.

I decided to give in to the memories. My first day here when I spoke with B and him.

_"Hello A." BB smiles and then seems to look above the boy's head._

_What he sees seems to frighten him and make him sad. As soon as the look appeared it disappeared, A didn't seem to notice._

_"Hello" A smiles "Who is this?" He asks, smiling at me._

_"This is Nonie, she doesn't speak." BB introduces me_

_"You must like that" A jokes._

_'Yes he talks a lot.' I sign, expecting him not to understand me._

_"That he does." A laughs_

_"Do what?" BB glares_

_"She said she likes you because you share her dislike for people." A replies._

_'Thanks' I say to A who gives me a slight nod in response._

* * *

_"Hey uh... can I come in?" a voice behind the door asks._

_Who could it be? Nobody bothers me when I wish to be alone... maybe it's important. I think to myself. I walk to the door and open it to see A standing alone in the hall. His usual smile has been replaced with a frown and his normally bright eyes are filled with tears. I motion for him to come inside and he does._

_"What's wrong?" I hate people crying... or being sad... especially when I care about them. _

_I've been at Wammy's for a month now and I really care about A... there's just something about him that- then it hit me. We might be related. The dark eyes, brown hair, the eyebrows the line under the bridge of his nose that looks like a scar. Plus he's from Canada. I doubt it though what are the odds?_

_"I can't take it anymore." he puts his head in his hands_

_"It's okay" I whisper._

_"No it isn't.. My dad left before I was born, my mother died, none of my relatives wanted me. I'm stuck here, I have no friends, nobody likes me, I have to keep up my grades or Roger will be disappointed along with the mystery student! Not only that but I-I just can't stand it here anymore." He sighs_

_"A.. don't worry so much, why should you care what someone you don't even know thinks? Roger's a weird man but he'd probably understand. None of my relatives wanted me either, my dad left my mother long before I was born. You don't have no friends you have me and Backup. None of us like it here either A and my mom's dead too. That's just how you end up here." I frown_

_"Thanks..." he sniffles_

_"A do you mind my asking your father's name and where you are from exactly. I'll tell you as well." I smile._

_"No I don't mind but that isn't allowed. will be mad." A protests_

_"Well I trust you so I'll go first. doesn't have to know. I lived in Vancouver my whole life and my father's name was Jeffery" and I tell him the last name._

_"..." Silence. A says nothing only sits there and stares at me. We sit in an awkward silence for a while until he finally speaks to me._

_"Me too.." He whispers._

I raise an eyebrow "What about your mom?"

_"Rayelynn Flanders." I gasp. That was my mom's best friend in high school when she was 16  
_

_Well, well, well, it seems A is my half brother._

* * *

_"Hey! Funny seeing you here." A smirked at me  
_

_'Please don't tell.' I sign.  
_

_I don't want anyone to ever catch me in a comic book store... ever.  
_

_"It's no problem... Hey you read The Walking Dead?" he asked  
_

_'Huge fan.' I smile  
_

_"Me too!" Alternate exclaimed  
_

_'Ever read this?' I gesture to another zombie comic  
_

_"Yes and it was horrible... but The Skinjacker Trilogy is good... no zombies, ghosts but still entertaining. You can borrow my copies... no keep them I never read them anymore." A smiled  
_

_'Really? Thanks!' I grinned.  
_

_"No problem Nonie" He smiled, handing me three books; Everlost, Everwild and Everfound.  
_

_"Thank you" I smile  
_

_"No problem... you have a pretty voice by the way." he commented.  
_

_My cheeks burned bright red and I laughed.  
_

_'You too." I sign.  
_

_A just laughed at me  
_

* * *

_"You know you are really not good with your feet right?" A laughed at me as I tripped after glaring at him  
_

_"You suck." I growl  
_

_"Whoa! You are my sister..."  
_

_"Shut up." I laughed "You have a dirty mind."  
_

_"Hey I made you laugh didn't I?" He smirked._

* * *

_"A?" B asked and there was only silence as a reply._

_He asked multiple times before he screamed "ALTERNATE!" at the top of his lungs._

_"What the f-ing h-ll do you want Backup?" A growls_

_"Please just take a break for a little bit from your work A." I whisper_

_"Fine! You want me to slack off today? I will!" A growls at me._

_"A please. We just want you back for a day. That is all... Please?" B asks_

_"Okay." A sighs in defeat._

_We talk and laugh like we used to and for a few hours A was back._

_"Whatever Mr. 'I'm so cool' what about that time in third grade when you were trying to flirt with Ella and you tripped over a desk?" A laughs_

_"I'm sure we've all done something stupid like that at some point." B laughs nervously "Back me up on this!"_

_"Um... when I was camping when I was 11 I was talking to this guy I liked and I tripped over my own feet and fell down a hill. The next day I was talking to him again and I walked into a tree..." I looked at my feet as they both laughed at me._

_"Hmm... oh I remember this one time I was trying to impress Ella in grade 4 and I fell down the stairs." A laughs, trying to make me feel better as I laugh nervously._

_The rest of the night continued like that until we all fell asleep._

* * *

_I run down the hallways because something tells me I am not too late. I fling the door open when I get to their room. A turns around and looks at me with a sad look in his eyes. He drops an empty bottle on the floor that once held sleeping pills._

_"I'm sorry." A whispers and with that he falls to the floor. Dead.  
_

* * *

By this point I'm sobbing and I can't stop. Dammit!

"Shh it's okay." B whispered in my ear

"I-I'm f-f-fine" I stutter "Jus' lemme sleep" I whisper.

He hesitates before he stands up and walks over to his bed.

"I'm fine... I'm fine..." I whispered, then silently cried myself to sleep.


	32. Butter Knives are Deadly

"You know I just wanted to make you uncomfortable yesterday right? I don't like the character Lelouch just his looks" I shrug

"It's not easy to make me uncomfortable... and looks are deceiving never forget that." B replies

"Yes mom... I know" I smile.

"I'm going to do homework... please do not bug me." B replies, I nod.

When he isn't looking I take out paper and a white candle. I write down what I am supposed to remember and I fold the paper as small as possible. I then cover it with wax. It doesn't take me long to finish. _I wonder..._ I let a drop of hot wax fall onto my hand. It burns for a second then hardens on my skin.

"Hmm..." I do it again... it makes me want to laugh.

I don't enjoy the pain but it is bearable. I let the wax drip down my arm to my elbow, watching it closely the whole time. When I move the wax breaks... it is to be expected yet I find it fascinating. My whole hand is covered in wax so I scratch it off and start over.

"What are you doing!" B shouted, grabbing my wrist and holding my arm away from the candle.

"I... uh.." I don't know exactly... an experiment would be the right words.

"You're hurting yourself!" he shouted

"I wasn't-"

"NO! Don't even talk! Are you seriously doing what I think you are doing?" He threw my arm back down.

"Come with me." he sighed, taking my other hand and dragging me to the bathroom.

He ran my hand under cold water and it hurt. I hissed.

"Never. Again." He growled, looking me straight in the eyes.

"I was just-"

"_Never again._" he snarled and let my arm fall onto the counter.

"Alright but-"

"No." He glared.

"I was doing a god damned project and I got carried away! Now shut the hell up and let me talk!" I snarled

"You're a jerk today." I stomped out of the room and walked down the hall.

_He was only worried_, said the rational part of my brain... the other part of my brain was too busy screaming curse words that it didn't hear. I walk down to the game room, nobody is ever there other than Matt... or... I sighed, A used to go with me and beat me at most of the games. Matt is most likely in his room, still asleep or playing games somewhere else. I walked up to a shooting game right away and shot at people.

"Hmm... I wonder if you shot someone in the arms and legs... how long would it take for them to bleed out?..." I wondered aloud

"Wow some scary thoughts there new girl." I jumped three feet in the air

"Matt! How the...?" I asked.

"I'm a ninja" he laughed "Mind if I join?" he smiled

"Not at all, here." I said, handing him the other controller.

We chose different teams and started shooting at each other. I duck behind a dumpster and shoot him from there. He dies and I laugh at him.

"Dude you'd suck at laser tag." I laughed

"Whatever. Hey where are your two... _friends_?" Matt put air quotes around friends

"Ah shut up Matt. For your information B is pissed off at me and L is busy." I sighed, Matt knew who L was because he was in the top 5 and now I was too.

"Oh. You know you're actually pretty lucky... I think you're the only one of us who actually _knows_ him." Matt changed the subject "You're his favorite you know."

"No Near is." I frown.

I shoot a bunch of people on Matt's team and run away.

"No that's his second favorite." Matt replies "For a different reason of course." he winked

"Oh shut up or I'll shoot you too." I said.

Matt paused the game.

"Lets change to zombie mode." Matt suggested.

I nod and switch modes, now we're on the same team. I shoot a zombie in the face when it creeps up behind Matt. We are both focused on the game and stay silent other than the occasional 'good shot' or 'look out behind you'.

"You're good at this, I totally want you on my team in a zombie apocalypse." I laugh

"Back at ya." Matt smirks "Oh shit we have art in an hour!" He gasped

"Oh yeah aren't you supposed to be in school?" I laugh.

"I ditched... aren't you not supposed to be left alone?" Matt frowned

"Yeah I guess." I shrug and turn the game back on.

We finish the whole game with 5 minutes to spare.

"Good job!" Matt laughs

"Oh my god we did it!" We high five... oh crap the wrong hand.

I curse and clutch my right arm with my left hand. I look down to see it's bright red where the wax touched it earlier and even worse on the palm of my hand.

"Oh crap! Are you okay?" Matt asked

"Yeah... it's nothing really." I gasp

"That's why he's mad... isn't it. You burnt yourself, on purpose." Matt accused

"Yeah." I admit.

With that we walk to art together. Today we're carving bears out of soap, oh joy. I sigh and take the knife the teacher hands me, its like a small butter knife with a wooden handle. The knife itself is about as long as my pinkie finger and it has one corner near the bottom of the metal part that is sharp.

"You could kill someone with this..." Matt muttered

"Oh my god get out of my head!" I growled

"Oh really how would you go about that?" he rolled his eyes

"Across the throat with the sharp part... if you had enough pressure you could also stab people.. Oh great! Now you've got me thinking about ways to kill people with a butter knife." I glare

"Hey! you said it not me! But that is exactly true" he laughed.

After art I walked back to my room, art is the only subject we aren't allowed to do in our room. Beyond sat on his bed and did his work silently.

"That was incredibly horrible.. I understand I overreacted earlier but you are not forgiven." He muttered

"I'm sorry." I whisper

"It'll be okay... So I hear you have a very twisted mind, you little murderer." B smirked.

_What?_

_**The butter knife conversation was in fact a real conversation with someone when we were doing art.. after I wrote that I thought 'Who was I talking to?' and then I realized it was a guy in my class who actually goes by the name Matt! But his real name is Mathew not Mail... :/ That was by accident though I didn't even realize that xD **_


	33. Protective

"I heard both conversations with that little kid... Matt right? You twisted little monster." B smirked

Don't call him a little kid he's only a year younger than me.. almost exactly he's only born on February 1st and I was born on January 27th. I looked at the smirk on his face and pushed that feeling to the back of my mind.

"Sorry... I bet you think I'm weird now don't you?" I sigh

"No. In fact I think like that all the time.. did you know if someone was double jointed in their shoulder you could strangle them with their own arm? You could do it with a normal person but it would just be easier" He shrugs.

Well that's good I suppose because I do too. I am happy to have a good friend like B... he always understands.

"Oh my god it would be..." I thought.

"You think about this stuff a lot don't you?" he smirks

"Yeah. Did you know how many ways you can kill somebody with a knife?" I ask

(With a creepy smirk on my face no doubt) I thought of the ways; Stab them in the temple, stab them with enough pressure in the chest -aim for the heart or lungs... I could go on forever with the list.

"I've thought of it briefly." He shrugs.

I sit down and do my homework, I finish it in ten minutes when I hear a knock on the door. I tell the person to come in and I look up to see B glaring at the person; it must be L. Sure enough when I looked up it was him. A face I sincerely missed... I really don't like this emotion.

"Hi" I smiled

"Hello." He replied, emotionless as always

"I heard you and Matt were scaring the other children in art class" L smirked .. for a second and then it was gone.

Terrifying is more like it, they all thought me and Matt were going to get up and start killing people. I almost laughed at the thought, B is right I am a twisted little monster.

"A harmless discussion really" I shrug

"About how many ways you can kill a person with a knife?" he asked.

"Okay... maybe not _that_ harmless" I laugh nervously.

"It's alright maybe even considered a skill, when solving cases maybe you can figure out cause of death better than others. That goes for you as well Backup" L noted

"Wow, thanks." B replied flatly.

Beyond kept glaring at L so I decided I should say something.

"Oh be nice." I laugh.

B rolled his eyes at me and did his homework.

"Good boy." I smirk.

He shot me a glare and kept doing homework. Suddenly Mister Wammy appeared in the doorway.

"You are needed." He said

L nodded "I'll see you later."

I sighed and gave him a fake smile as he walked out the door. I looked back over at B who was staring out the window at something I couldn't see. So I watched his eyes and tried to figure out what he was thinking. Sadness, anger and something I couldn't figure out that was always there. He looked at me, wondering why I was staring at him.

"I'm just wondering what you were staring at. It was the tree." I shrug

"How did you know that?" he asked

"Good guess?" I shrugged

"I'll be right back." I mutter

"Where are you going?" B asked

"The common room." I replied.

With that I ran down the hallway and to the common room. As soon as I entered the room people stared at me like I was insane. I saw Mello fighting with Near in a corner and Carele glaring at me. Everyone looked away and went back to what they were doing. I'm an outcast here worse than my old school

"Nonie?" Fear asked.

I jumped, I hadn't heard her speak for a long time now and I was starting to forget that she was always there.

"I need to speak to you."

"Um... later please. I really don't want to talk in public." I sigh

"Alright." she muttered.

I remembered that it was time again to change my clothes, It's been two days. At least I don't smell but my clothes will start to if I don't. Maybe I'll even walk around wearing different clothes.I wear my devil hoodie every day but I occasionally take it off to let the maids wash it, I don't want to smell like a skunk now do I? Today I decided to step from my comfortable shell. The sweater was baggy and it made me look boy-ish in my opinion. Rushing to my room I decided to wear my favorite shirt.I saw B and asked him why the bathroom door was closed when I got to the room.

"May is cleaning in there." B sighed

"Hello Nonie!" she smiled as she poked her head out of the bathroom

"Hi May!" I smiled back.

May is my favorite of the staff members, she's so sweet and she gives the children lollipops when she sees them. Although we aren't really children she gives the successors lollipops too when the other kids aren't looking. Mello and Near are tied for second now so I am 4th. May said she was proud of me and always commented on how tall I was. She knew of how I used to be the tallest in my school and now I was just normal. She smiled at me always she was only 5 foot 1.

"Oh shit.. B I um... need to change can you just not look?" I sigh, hiding underneath my blankets

"Sure." he said as he looked out the window.

I changed my shirt and put a jean skirt on instead of my shorts. I told Beyond that he could look as I started to tie my hair back in a ponytail.

"I love the shirt." He smirked as he read aloud "KEEP CALM AND KILL ZOMBIES"

I looked down and read it too I loved the way the red letters from Kill Zombies looked like they had blood splatters that were across the white letters of the words 'Keep Calm and'. B laughed as he studied the white tomb stone above the letters that read "R.I.P" because beside it there was a little red hand that seemed to pop out of nowhere on the black T-shirt. I studied this shirt multiple times since I arrived here because it was the last thing my mother bought for me.

"So the new girl finally dresses like a person and not a devil?" Matt smirked as he leaned against the doorway

"Shit! I left the door open?" I ask

"Yeah but don't worry I saw nothing." he laughed.

"Hi Matt." Beyond said

"Oh hey Backup! Congrats on first place on the board. Mells is fighting with Near so I decided to come talk to Nonie." Matt replied with his goofy smile still on his face.

How could you not love Matt? He was adorable, I love him in a little brother way so it's okay. Still though, I hate loving people... look what happened to A. I looked over and realized why B was angry for a second until Matt congratulated him on first place. _God B you're so protective._

"Hey I have an idea" said Matt

"What?" I ask

"Why doesn't Backup come play video games with us?" he says

"Sure.." B shrugs.

_This will be interesting._ I thought with a smirk as we walked down the halls to the game room. There are very few three player games here but they are almost all killing games, thank god. Those types of games are my favorite and I have a feeling B might enjoy them too. I laughed because Matt chose to be on his own team.. he might beat me though considering he plays games more often and I am not sure how good Beyond will be with video games. Two against one... well 5 against 5 if you count the computers.

"How the hell...?" Matt asked quietly as B shot almost all of his team members.

I smirked _oh this is fun_ I thought.

"Looks like you aren't the only boy at Wammy's who is awesome at video games" I smirk

"Okay... can we all just team up?" Matt asked

"What's wrong? Don't like to be beaten?" B asks

"No. Not at all." Matt replied.

That is how I found out not one but two of my friends were an even match for me when it came to video games. We spent the rest of the day killing zombies, people and at one point we played Super Mario Bros on the Wii. It was all good until I remembered I had to go see my Shinigami.


	34. Sad Talk With a Shinigami

_**Well it's a short chapter again and there will be another timeskip really soon. I regret to inform you that on the 16th of August I am going to visit my family and I won't be able to update unless it's at night on my iPod... I'll do my best but I promise nothing. On a random note I get all 'oh no my story is going downhill when I don't get reviews but for some strange reason it's like you sense it xD and you either review me or I get a new follower on this story and all is well xD Thank you for everything and I'll make it up to you after she's out of Wammy's stuff gets complicated ;) **_

I gasp and they both look at me with concerned expressions.

"Something wrong?" B asks

"Uh... no I just... Be right back I forgot I had to go talk to someone!" I say, rushing out the door and down the hallway.

I rush upstairs to my room and fling open the door where a very unamused Shinigami is sitting on my bed. Fear looks at me with a disappointed look and I hang my head.

"Sorry... I forgot." I whisper

"It's alright, But it is important. You should have remembered but I forgive you." she replied.

I nod as a signal telling her to get on with it and tell me already. _What could be so important?_ My heart raced in my chest Fear never does this..if she has something that is important she just tells me... never like this though. What was it? She fell silent for a very long time.. _Get on with it!_ I scream in my mind. Just tell me already!

"We can't stay here for much longer. As soon as you turn fifteen you are moving out." Fear says finally

"What? Why?" I ask

"You just have to trust me... someone here is a very bad person.. just do as I say." she growls

"Is it B? Listen just because-"

"No if it were I would just tell you to change rooms and I would say it in front of him. Just trust and go along with it alright? Even if he was the problem I wouldn't know." Fear interrupts.

Who could the problem be... Roger? There's a big chance it's him... that creepy old man.

"No. It's a certain someone who likes to follow you around. He knows too much and by the time you are fifteen he will most likely know of me and all of the secrets you keep hidden."

"Alright that's creepy. How do you know though?" I ask

"I can't tell you." She replies.

"Why when I'm fifteen?"

"Because you'll be able to pass for 18 by then" Fear shrugs.

I sigh and lean my back against the door.

"Where will I go?" I sigh

"Um... Los Angeles! You always wanted to live there right?" Fear says

"LA" I scoff "Good luck trying to find a neighbourhood that I am not likely going to be murdered in." I cross my arms.

"I have two death notes and I can write the the person's name before they kill you. That is ... if it comes to that. I can warn you when someone like that is approaching."

"But... if you do that won't you die?" I gasp.

"Yes." she shrugs

"But-" I start but I am interrupted by a voice outside and knocking.

"Are you okay? Who are you talking to?" B asks

"Uh yeah I'm fine... no one." I open the door to see Matt and B.

"Oh.." B says when he spots Fear on my bed.

I just tell him that I had to talk to her and that it's nothing to worry about. I'm just dreading having to leave the only place in the world that I belong in.


	35. A Strange Nightmare

Staring out the window I sit in art class I pay noattention to the teacher telling us how to draw a sketch of a person when someone describes them to you. In other words how to be a sketch artist for the police. I stare out the window and my mind wanders, I barely slept last night. Too bust thinking about having to leave hear in three years. L had left and went to solve another case last night. _I wonder how mand people are here today... one, two... wait! Focus!_ I wish today wasn't the day I had art. Then I could sleep... sleep... just close my eyes and... fall asleep.

_I screamed as I was chased down the abandonned street. He was close behind me and he was going to kill me, I knew it. I also knew who he was... I just couldn't place the voice. If only I read his name or saw his face. I knew how to defend myself if it came to that but I was still terrified. I shut my mouth because I knew nobody could hear me. I was all alone with a murderer on a dark abandonned street in L.A after midnight.  
_

_Why I was here I didn't know. I should have known better than to take a shortcut home from work. Fear wasn't with me... I don't know where she was. Suddenly I was grabbed by the shoulders and pushed against a brick wall. Too gentle... who was this.. what did he want? I squirmed around to face my attacker and was met with two blood red eyes staring at me and a knife at my throat.  
_

_"It's no use fighting. I am the only one who can beat you in a fight." B growls in my ear  
_

_"B-B? What do you want?" I whisper  
_

_"Why are you trying to distract me?" He smirks, seeing right through it  
_

_"I thought you loved me" I cry.  
_

_"I do. Your time is running out and I do this because I love you." he replies  
_

_"Please-" I start but I am cut off with a rough kiss.  
_

_"Come with me" B says as he picks me up bridal style and carries me into one of the buildings kicking and fighting.  
_

_"Now, now, struggling will not help your situation." He growls, kicking the door shut.  
_

_I have no time to talk, he throws me on the bed and I look at him, terrified. The look in his eyes tells me he isn't going to do what I think he is. He crawls on top of me and kisses me again, I try to fight but I'm too weak. When he pulls away I gasp and a rag is pressed against my mouth and nose. I am greeted by the sickly sweet smell of chloroform and the world goes black. Tears run down my cheeks because I know I will never wake up.  
_

I open my eyes and I scream. Looking around I realize I'm in bed with the covers wrapped around me, must have been what I was trying to fight, most likely fighting just helped wrap it around me even tighter.

"What's wrong?" B asks

"Just a bad dream. A horrible nightmare... " I whisper

"Want to talk about it?" he asks.

I shake my head and push the covers away from me.

" It didn't make sense any way.. How did I get here? Wasn't I in art class?" I yawn

"I carried you, don't worry you didn't kick me too much. Geeze what were you dreaming about? You'd think I was going to kill you. Sorry by the way... I kind of dropped you, but it was on the bed. To be fair you elbowed me in the stomach." B admitted

"Not a problem... and sorry." I hang my head

"It's okay you were asleep. You didn't know it was me" he shrugged.

What a terrible and weird dream. Don't dreams have meaning or something? What did that one mean then? B would never do something like that to me... would he? No. He said he loved me and I know that is a lie so that is one dream that is meanlingless. So I swept that dream to the back of my mind, planning to forget it... but I couldn't.

Why B? Why was he going to kill me? None of it made sense and I was only running in circles trying to figure it out. To make sense of this dream would be like Careless trying to make sense of B. I almost laughed at the thought. I can't even make sense of Beyond let alone some idiot like Carele. I remembered I had to change my age so that I had all my information so I could be ready for when I run away. There is only one person I can ask to do that and that is Matt.

* * *

"Matt can you do it?" I ask

"Yeah sure thing Nonie. It isn't that hard. Nobody here knows how old you are unless you told anyone." Matt shrugged as he typed away on the computer

"Well... I did but only you, Mello, Backup, Alternate and L." I reply

"Just tell them and they'll understand." Matt sighs "And there you are now 15 and in three years you will be 18" he grins.

"Thanks Matt! I'll talk to you later." I laugh and hug him

"Hands off!" Mello shouts at me

"Geeze Mells calm down I'm leaving!" I laugh and walk out the door.

I can hear Mello yelling at Matt about how cheating is wrong and giving him a huge speach. I giggle to myself, Mello doesn't understand, it isn't like I like Matt in that way. It was a friendly hug not... a different kind. God, Mello is so protective of Matt. Like Beyond is of me, If I didn't know better... no I can't think about things like that right now... I have something I need to do.


	36. Almost Time

As I walked down the hallway I decided to go to the one hall at Wammys that had nothing connected to it, a dead end. Someone messed up when they built this place. I walked to the middle of the hallway and spun around quickly. Sure enough there was a seven year old boy about fifteen feet behind me. I sighed and looked at him. He looked terrified that he had been caught.

"Near why do you follow me?" I say, very bored

"Follow you? I don't follow you I just needed to get to..." he starts

"Near. There isn't anything else in this hallway. Why were you following me? You do it all the time" I mutter.

"I took a wrong turn!" he shouts.

I sigh and snap my fingers behind my back and Fear appears at my side. Luckily I know Nate doesn't know sign language so I ask Fear what he is thinking.

"He's scared... and L was right" she shrugs

"Dammit!" I growl and move to one side of the hallway so Near knows I'm not walking to him.

I walk around the scared little boy and then start to run, taking twists and turns so he won't know where I went. I just want to go sit in my room alone. Hopefully B isn't there right now. I open the door and he's sitting on his bed as usual. Flashes of my nightmare come back to me and I rush down the hallway to the front door. Trying to get away from it.

I always hated having dreams that involved any of my friends. If they did they were like this; scary and they didn't make sense. Somehow though I always had to try to block them out because of something about it. I push the door open and rush out to where the tree is. I climb it so no one can see me and I try to block everything out.

I hear children laughing around me and I can barely see them through the leaves, meaning they cannot see me. I hear foot steps at the bottom of the tree. Someone starts climbing up and just like last time it's B.

"You okay?" he asks

"Yeah I'm fine I just... I'm fine. How did you know I'd be here?" I ask

"This is where you always go when you're upset." he smirked.

"I'm not upset." I sigh

"Yes you are. Just tell me what's wrong... please?" B says

"What's this? Beyond Birthday has manners? No friggin way!" I gasp.

He laughs and then looks at me with a very unamused look.

"Oh fine. I have to leave in three years." I sigh

"Oh... why? And uh... if you don't mind where?" he asks

"I don't know Fear wouldn't tell me. I am going to have to live in LA ... she won't tell me why for that either." I reply.

I look over at B and he's clearly thinking about something. I sigh and climb out of the tree. I walk into Wammy's House and wander around, not sure where or why. I just want to remember this place for as long as I can.

* * *

**Time skip 2 years ; Date: October, 29 1998  
**

I sigh and sit up on my bed. I have to leave next year on my birthday, how stupid is that? apparently Fear and I are stupid when we try to count because I have to leave when I am 16 not 15 I was 14 when she told me I had 3 years. I mutter curse words to myself and B looks up at me.

"What?" he asks

"Nothing. Just.. nothing. So you excited for your birthday?" I ask

"Not really I'm just getting older. Happens every year nothing special." He shrugs.

"You're boring." I sigh and fall back onto my bed.

B just laughed at me.

"Beyond Birthday. You are no fun... what's wrong?" I ask

"Nothing just don't really want you to leave next year." He mutters

"Awe how sweet" I laugh

"Oh shut up" he says and throws a pillow at my face.

"I guess you are turning into a teenage girl then? Starting a pillow fight?" I smirk

"Once again. Shut up." He growls

"Oh be nice I'm just joking" I laugh "I just think it's cool you were born on Halloween." I shrug.

"Let me guess, it's your favorite because you used to get free candy and walk around scaring people" B smirked

"How did you know?" I roll my eyes.

I pick up the book I chose for a report, some Murder case book that I didn't care for. I took out the laptop from underneath my bed and started typing about how the writer messed up on this or that. Just doing what I was supposed to. Not really trying to do anything special. Just passing everything. I finished it and printed it. As I was walking out the door B asked me where I was going, I just waved the paper in the air as an answer and walked down the hall.

I still didn't want to go back to class I'd rather work in my room, I prefer not to be in crowded places all the time. I bumped into Carele. _What is up with me bumping into people! More importantly why Carele? _I sigh and brace myself for the yelling.

"Well, well someone decided to dress like a girl" he smirked and looked me up and down

"Ew." I cringed and ran around him.

"Boy's like him are so gross!" I whispered my complaint to Fear and he laughed at me

"Oh don't worry about it kid, it could be worse." she smirked.

I sighed and went to logic class where Ms. Kelly worked. When I knockked on the door she opened it and smiled at me.

"Hello! Oh you have your paper, thank you! We are about to start a chess tounament would you like to join?" she asked

"Oh no I-" I start

"Nonsense!" she laughs and drags me inside.

Oh great now I'll be forced to play chess with these people. I wonder if L left already because he has logic class too. I scan the room and sure enough my seat is empty and L is sitting next to it. _I'm gonna lose._


	37. Stalemate

I sigh and take my seat beside L. Ms. Kelly writes who we will play against up on the board. Of all people I am facing Carele first. I sigh and take my seat across from him when the teacher tells us to.

"Ready to lose?" Carele smirks

"Is what you should be asking yourself" I finish with a smirk.

Of course I beat him after about 2 minutes. Then I go sit in my desk and wait for the next person I have to face. Which is either Mello or some girl named Jenelle Elizebeth. Of course Matt wins, I don't know why but I find myself going easy on him, then I catch myself and I win.

"Good game" I smile

"I still rule at video games" Matt smirks and shakes my hand.

My next opponent is Mello who is a lot harder to beat but I do end up winning. Hmm... it appears I am better at this than I thought. It involves a lot of thinking and that is something I am usually too lazy to do. I must have something to prove to them. Carele's friend Ranger likes to call me stupid. I guess that is why I'm trying so hard to win, prove to morons like her that I'm not stupid.

After having a rematch with Carele and winning I can play my next opponent. I smirk because it is Ranger. I beat her after a couple minutes, she's actually pretty smart for somebody who hangs around Carele all the time. I bet if I make it near the end I'll have to face L and I bet anything that I'll lose. Sure enough my last opponent is L.

I consentrate and I tell him to go first. He moves a pawn I sigh, and move a pawn as well. It is hard to beat him, I can't do it... I know I can't. I know my mother would yell at me for that, and I'm about to give up the game and start moving pieces randomly when I realize I can end this game with out either of us winning. L is almost cornered. I move a knight and his king is stuck.

"Stalemate" I mutter

"Hmm..." L puts his thumb to his mouth "So it is. Good game"

We shake hands and the bell rings.

I walk down the hall and make my way back to my room. Suddenly I feel someone grab my wrist and spin me around. I look up to see L.

"How did you do that?" he asks, truly curious

"Do what?" I reply

"I have never been beaten at that game in my entire life." He says

"And you still haven't. In any other game I believe that is a draw, meaning nobody wins." I shrug.

"Not to sound arrogant but I've never... not won at chess." L says

"Hmm... I rarely win. I guess it was just luck." I reply

"No such thing. Good job." he smiles

I laugh at him "Well thanks I guess. Although it's not like I won some life or death contest... like The Hunger Games" I laugh and walk down the hallway after saying goodbye.

What a strange day so far. Oh wait! I need to get something.. I rush down the hall to the cafeteria and speak to May (she works in the kitchen as well). She smiles when she sees me.

"Oh hello Nonie!" she smiles

"Hi May... um can I buy one of the jars of strawberry jam off of you?" I laugh

"Sure. Backup's birthday in two days right?"she laughed.

"Yeah, I just need you to reserve it for me in the fridge until then please?" I smirk

"Not a problem. If it were up to me I'd let youu have it for free." May replies cheerfully as she takes the money from me.

"Alright, thank you.. I'll see you in a bit" I hug her and walk back down the hall full of windows.

That is what I dislike about the ground level, there are windows everywhere. If I weren't on the ground level though I wouldn't have seen the person dressed in white watching me from the woods. I wasn't scared of it for some reason. So I kept walking. It was the same thing I kept seeing everytime I went outside. It was harmless... it seemed that I had another stalker dressed in white.

_**There you have it, almost out of Wammy's and things are about to get complicated. :3 you might want to try and guess who the new weird thing is or if it's even real. :0 ;) Thanks for being great people and supporting my randomness xD I could never beat L at chess you crazy? Although I did come in like 10th for my class chess tournament (I don't have spell check anymore DX) maybe it was second place... no I think I was like top 5 I'm not sure. That is going on two years ago so I have no clue I just remember I wasn't bad at it :P  
**_


	38. The Question Game

_** Zetsubou Girl- Thanks for the heads up but I know already... practically everything here is not made yet.. I mean the girl has a 4th generation Ipod and she watches The Walking Dead. I think I briefly mentioned the book New Moon as well (not fond of it) and that came out in what? 2006? I'm positive Owl City is at most 12 years old and Code Geass (the anime) I'm not sure when it came out but I don't think it was around that time xD I just made it so it all fit together because if I started talking about stuff like Nintendo 64 and game boys, etc. I doubt everyone would know what I was talking about. Also I don't know a heck of a lot about that stuff.. I'm not even sure when Nintendo 64 came out... all I know is I had one when I was really little (not mine, my mom's) anyway here's the story :3 Thanks for the heads up, my bad I don't think I said this earlier (all the explaination) anyhow.. enjoy ^_^ Sorry if I sounded mean or defensive :/  
**_

I ignored it and kept on walking through the halls. I sighed when I saw B outside with that girl again... I have to admit I missed him more than I should have. Ever since last year he started hanging out with a girl we nicknamed SJ. I guess I'm just jealous, I realize now that B used to love me and now he found a girl who is practically his soul mate... No she _is._

Of course I'm happy for him and all it's just.. I used to like him too and I still do a bit. I just remind myself that I have L and I'm not alone or anything. Beyond really likes her and he's actually happy. He used to be happy around me but not like this... I sigh and kick the mat on the floor. It's frustrating trying to dislike that girl... she's so sweet and innocent.

Beyond is the person I go to for help and the one I know I can trust. The person in white disappeared into the woods. I sighed and tried to smile, something not easy for me, I can fake any other emotion but not being happy. In fact I am horrible at it, every friend I have sees right through it like glass. I have to say though this year is very boring.. I can't wait to get out of here now.

Maybe it's just because of the thing with B... I'm a horrible person for it I know. At least I'm alone in this stupid hall of windows. I liked it better being 13... nothing was complicated and still on the outside it isn't. I'm not even sure I know I liked B. I gasp when I feel someones hands around my waist. I turn around and of course it's L.

"Do you just like to creep up on me or something?" I laugh

"Maybe a little" L smirks.

_What I want to say in my bitter mood is 'Wow emotion. Who are you?' and turn around again, but I don't because I'm not that mean. _Also it's amusing to see how much I changed him... he's still the same emotionless person around others but to me he isn't. When I feel sad he's the only person who truly makes me happy again and I love him for that.

"You creep... don't make remind you that you're an adult... almost" Yes that's right, Halloween is L's birthday too

"In two days" he shrugs

"What do you want for your birthday?" I ask

"Nothing." he replies.

"You're no fun, tell me or you get nothing." I cross my arms.

L just shakes his head. _So stubborn._

"What If I was?" he smirks.

_Not this game again._ I sigh and decide to play along, accepting a challenge knowing I'll lose. I still want to know what he wants for his birthday... in my family before you pretty much weren't allowed to not want something for your birthday. Easy for others -cough- me. Some not so much.

"I don't know, what if?" I reply

"You aren't good at this are you?" he laughs.

No actually I am terrible at this game and losing isn't something I'm fond of. L knows that. I look out the window for a second and I'm reminded of B sitting out there with his girlfriend. She lives a few doors down from us. I never read her name, just her lifespan.

"Not even close but you like to win don't you?" I smirk.

"What gave you that idea?"

"Can we quit now?"

"Fine." L says

"Hah! I win I smirk.

"You little cheater" he smiles

"But you still love me" I kiss him.

"Yes, yes I do" he smiles again.

"I'll see you later okay" I sigh when I spot Fear down the hall

"Alright" L sighs.

I walk down the hall towards where Fear is standing and I keep walking to my room. It turns out she didn't want anything she just missed me. I hugged her and laughed because it turns out she likes me more than Shinigami are supposed to like their humans. She's so sweet even though she doesn't like that to be said out loud.

Fear is like a parent to me and that is one of the reasons why I don't want to let go of my death note. I walk over to my bed and sit down. I sigh again because I'm starting to feel that stupid jealousy again. SJ... that girl has been here since A was and shes a couple years younger than B I think. In fact I think she used to be his friend.

I kick some box of mine over and make an angry noise when pictures of me and my friends from now and before fall out... I kind of want to burn them all at the moment... but I don't. Instead I put them back and shove the box underneath my bed where it should be and take the matches out of my pocket. Better used for something else.

_**Well that was not planned O_O just needed a way to end the chapter I guess and thank god its a cliff hanger ;) I do not own the character SJ another great fanfiction author does and I will tell you her name closer to the end ;) I also have to thank her (you know who you are although you probably won't read this story)because she gave me the idea for the ending ^_- I told you stuff would get complicated :P The ending for this chapter was unplanned but oh well... expect a chapter late tonight or early tomorrow... give or take a few hours. Thanks guys! :D  
**_


	39. Burning Paper

"NO!" Fear growled and snatched the matches from my hand.

"Why what do you think I'm gonna do?" I snarl

"..." she didn't answer me.

"Oh my god Fear! I wouldn't do that! That's a bit dramatic don't you think" I snap

"What do you think I think you're going to do?" She said, holding the matches out of my reach.

It helped her a lot that I am only 5 ft 4 and she's a 7ft tall Shinigami.

"You think I'll burn myself... or SJ... or the building. Which I won't so give me the god damned matches!" I jump on my bed and take them from her.

"I used to do this all the time and you know that. It's less painful then cutting or burning." I sigh and take out a piece of paper.

I write things about people around me that I hate and on another piece of paper I write what is on my mind, lastly I write one that is practically a suicide note and I burn them all. Fear watches closely to make sure I don't do anything stupid. I don't care that much do I? Maybe she is just wrong... Fear is wrong about stuff right?

Before the fire reaches my fingers I let it go and blow the fire out after it eats through the paper. I store the ashes in a box that I have kept over the years for notes like that. As soon as I store the box away again the door opens and B appears with SJ behind him.

"You aren't supposed to be alone Nonie" B scolds

"Shut up. I'm fine you don't need to watch me all the time anymore and it's not like you try anyways!" I snap and push past them.

I walk to the game room, I feel like shooting people and the closest I can get to that without going to jail is my zombie games. Sure enough Matt is there like always.

"Hey Matt." I growl

"Hey blondie, what's wrong?" Matt asks

"Nothing, I just feel like shooting people." I mutter and pick up one of the guns for a shooting game.

"... Is it the new girl?" he asks

"She's not new!" I snap as I shoot zombies on the screen, smirking when the blood makes a satisfying pattern on the cement walls.

God... I'm becoming a psycopath. What scares me more is I don't care.

"Isn't Mello you're blondie?" I ask

"I called him that once and I got slapped after laughing when he got mad about it." Matt smirked

"Mattie you know better." I laugh.

"Yeah, I do. So I hear the sheep still has a crush on you." he laughs

"Don't even joke about that. I bet he's outside right now." I turn around quickly and sure enough he's there.

I focus on the game and shooting everything that moves that is in my way, why does everything have to be so... different. It's like it all changed so fast, one day I was happy... well as happy as I could be in my settings. The next I was falling out of the plane. Then I was here... sad but B helped me through that.. there were others but it was mostly him.

I sing a song to myself quietly so I don't cry or freak out.

"_If I could control the world, everything would be different... If I never turned around to look maybe I just wouldn't miss it. I remember the life that I had and I'm holdin on as much as I can. Everything is changing so fast, and I know that there's no going back, no! Through my eyes, through my eyes, I'm holdin onto memories re-writing my diary. Through my eyes, through my eyes, I'm playing all my history I see it so vividly, nothing is the same as before in my life. Except through my eyes." _I didn't want to finish the song, I was choking back tears and it did the opposite of its purpose.

I kicked the game and swore as I died. I hated my life right now, and for that I hated myself.

_**Sorry for the short chapter but I'm still updating later tonight ^_^ The song was Through My Eyes by Lauren Taveras... listen to it it's really sad but it's pretty. I do the write whatever is on your mind and then burn the paper thing... but I don't keep the ashes, I make the wind blow them away and I only write what's on my mind not the other stuff :/**_


	40. Abusive

_**Zetsubou Girl- Thanks it's good to know I didn't sound mean :) and awe thanks :D  
WARNING: This chapter is very dark and sad... but mostly dark. B has changed a lot... for the worst. My emotional chapter is due to me watching too many sad death note tributes on youtube and my emotional stages I go through when I'm tired. The one I was watching before writing this is my favorite one that makes me cry a lot (don't ask... I have a problem; when I get to my depressed stage I always want to watch this video and I end up in tears O_O) L Change The WorLd - If Today Was Your Last day. The youtuber is Petalfall342 it probably won't make you cry unless you are like me though :l  
**_

"Something wrong?" Matt asks

"I'll get over it" I sigh and place my hands on the corners of the arcade game.

"You can tell me" I shake my head and stare at the floor.

"It's B isn't it?" Matt, you always know..

I sigh "Maybe" I say flatly

"You have L.. don't worry it'll all be okay and you'll grow up and have a great life" Matt encourages me.

"That's what I tell myself every day" I sigh and drop my head into my hands

"Just look at-" he starts

"How happy they are? Don't rub it in." I sigh

"Are you.. not happy?" Matt asks.

"No.. well yes... um.. It's just.. L. It's like he doesn't really care, I know he does but he's just never there for me... B was I couldn't help it. Obviously I'll always love L more but..." I sigh again "I'm such an idiot" I snarl under my breath

"Jeeze is it that time of the month?" Matt mutters to himself

"Not funny Matt!" I growl "And no... you perv" I glare.

I walked out without saying good bye. I walked to my room and was happy when I saw nobody was there... not happy really. More like relieved. I flicked on the T.V and started watching the National Geographic channel. Guilty pleasure really, if you didn't already figure it out I'm a huge nerd. Some boring show about stuff I already knew came on so I flipped through random channels until I found my favorite show.

I started to cry when my favorite character died because I remembered a really sad tribute video. I don't know why but every time it made me cry.

"Who the hell am I?" I say to myself, remembering the girl I was when I was twelve.

Nonie.. the mean girl you should stay away from. I sigh because now I'm this... stupid over emotional girl. The people around me changed me mostly L. I'm a better person now but this here is the downside. I hear the door open and I'm about ready to kill whoever it is. I look up and it's B... even more ready to kill who is is now.

I open my mouth to say that I'm fine or to shout curses at him but instead I shut my mouth and whine as I feel Fear scratch part of my arm. B doesn't see that she does it and he takes my wrist and holds out my arm so he can see it. He glares at me when he sees the cut on my wrist.

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you." he growls

"You don't understand I-" I whisper, not wanting a repeat of the wax incident

"I can't believe you." he glares

"Give me a god damn second to explain!" I growl back.

He stops talking but continues to glare at me. I take this as an opportunity to talk.

"Fear did it!" I say

"You expect me to believe that!?" B says angrily

"Well-"

"Just shut up and let me clean the cut" he growls.

He is clearly furious with me... but why did Fear do this? I didn't want his attention that bad.. no she knew that and she isn't the type to stir up drama just for entertainment either. So what were her intentions? Every time I try to explain what happened B just tells me to shut up... he's different around me now.

A bit more mean than he used to be... I guess it's because now he is paying attention to someone else. Maybe not exactly that but close. Beyond paces the room and insults me. He's definitely not the person he used to be. He is like A was in his last few days alive. I crawl under the covers of the bed and pull the blanket up to my nose. I watch him pace and shout at me.

He even raises his hand and he looks like he's going to hit me, I cringe and brace myself but when I look back up he looks disgusted... either with me or himself. It looks like it's the former and he confirms that with what he says next.

"You're weak." he growls.

I can't believe what B has become. Abusive is the right word for it. What stings even more than anything is the fact that even with him doing this and being as mean as he possibly can be to me... I still love him. I can't take it and I burst into tears, he continues to insult me. I just curl into a ball, shut my eyes and wait for it to be over. My shoulders shake as I sob, B is careful to keep his insults quiet enough that only people in the room could hear but loud enough so that I won't miss a word. Abusive is the only word running through my mind.

I just feel sorry for myself and I hate it! If I were weaker I would be dead! I can't take it! I just shut my mouth and keep my eyes shut, fearing that if I say anything I'll get slapped.

"You idiot! Why would you do this?!" he shouts

I know why Fear did it.

"I love you alright! I admit it! Would you just think how what you do will effect your friends?! God. I admit it okay? I have since I first met you."

That's why.

_**Geeze my mind is violent when I'm sleepy :/ well I don't even know what happens next.. she was supposed to learn that waaaaay in the future like at the very end when she finally reads the letter. But now... I don't know. ::sigh:: Fear you little trouble maker. Sorry if you didn't like the new chapter guys... I'm a little concerned if I went too far but I think I did okay. Oh well. Bye I'll update tomorrow , I'm trying to make up for when I won't update while I'm in Edmonton.. maybe I'll even try to rush along so I end it soon. I'm starting to get tired of this story but I've decided that I am doing another fanfic loosely based on this one. I'll tell you more about it at the end ;) Remember how I said I don't own SJ? Remember how she came out of nowhere... you'll understand it all at the end. What about the person in white? I'm not allowed to tell you yet and I most likely won't in this story. But when I finish it if you don't want to read the other story (that has the answer to the question in it) just message me when I finish this story and I'll tell you. I also have to wait for my friend's story to be done because the person in white is also her original idea ^_- however B turning into an ass was all my fault so blame me. Well I will see you all tomorrow.. or later today. A thank you and good night ;)**_


	41. Here For You

_**Well this chapter is sad but I kind of liked writing it, it's got a sweet ending so don't worry :) extra short chapter :S It was originally 300 words long so I added stalling... and authors notes so you would be distracted from the shortness of the chapter xD but I guess I just told on myself for that now didn't I? Anyways I've decided to tell you in advance who owns SJ (keep in mind I trust you not to look her up juuust yet because she has the answers to the ending and that would wreck it, so if you're like me and you can't resist then don't read the name) It's in an easy code so here: 14, 21, 11, 9, 1, mua hahahaha if you want the name you have to solve the code.. if not just wait til the end of the story and I'll tell you her name ^_^  
**_

"Then why are you doing this?" I cry

"A better question would be why are you?!" B shouts.

_Why won't he answer me?_ It's a bit irritating having my questions being ignored. So what if he loves me? He loves his girlfriend more and I love L a lot more than I love B, especially right now.

"I told you it wasn't me!" I scream.

By now I've jumped out of my bed and I'm yelling in his face. We are both furious with each other and I am about to hit him but I know I can't do that. I don't want to end up seeing Roger again... or the nurse. I've had enough visits to both of those people since I've been here, but I don't think I need to say anything about that.

"You expect me to believe that?" he growls

"Well then what did I use? Where is your evidence genius!?" I challenge "I don't even want to talk to you right now." I whisper weakly.

It's true every word, he just won't listen. Honestly I'm not listening to him because he's being an ass! I really don't want to see him or talk to him, or have anything to do with him. I am so angry I could cry, that makes me even more frustrated having to choke back tears when I'm trying to shout and be intimidating.

"Well then leave!" and so I do, slamming the door behind me.

I keep my eyes on the floor and lean against a wall. I sit down pull my knees to my chest and hold my head in my hands. As I start to cry I hear a voice above me.

"Are you okay?" I look up and it's L.

I don't know whether to feel happy, sad or angry that he was out here. The feeling that wins over the rest of them is relief, I need him right now.

"Yeah..." I try to stop crying

"I heard what happened, did he... hurt you?" he whispers as he sits down beside me.

_Yes but not the way you mean_. He hurt me far worse than the way that he means, being bullied like that hurts. Especially from someone you love. I push those feelings away to the back of my mind and focus on what's going on right now where I am.

"Not physically." I sigh and wipe tears from my face with my sleeve.

"Please don't cry." he hugs me.

I missed this, I miss spending time with L. We are rarely together so this is kind of nice. Once again I'm not sure what to feel; anger at my Shinigami for doing this or relief because I finally know what B feels and I get to spend time with L. Sadness and Anger win. I can't believe the hurtful things B said to me in there.

I lean my head on his shoulder and ask "How much did you hear?"

"... All of it, I'm sorry I didn't help you"

"It's fine.. you couldn't have done anything." I sigh.

"I'm not there for you." L replies

"You are there as much as you can be.. don't blame yourself." I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes

"... I know you like him back." L says.

My eyes snap open and I look up at him "Is it that obvious? It's okay though..." I smirk and whisper "I love you more."

I go back to closing my eyes, I'm not even close to tired. I just want to sit like this for the rest of the day and forget everything.

"I love you too" he whispers

"I know... I just want to forget everything else right now." I sigh

"I can help you with that" he says.

L puts his hand under my chin and gently makes me look at him. Before I know it he's kissing me and I've forgotten what I was sad about. This is very unlike him... and I love it. We break apart and he gets to his feet and helps me up. I am about to ask what's wrong and I'm lead down the hall away from the door and B walks out and down the hallway in the opposite direction. I start to cry again but L won't let me, he pulls me close and kisses me again.

"Don't cry. I'm here for you now." he whispers.

_**Well this was a really short chapter but I like the ending :3 I'd be extremely mad at Fear for that :S Oh by the way there is a surprise that is in the beginning of the next chapter... also very unlike L. You'll see what I mean. I am not kidding it's like I'm reading this story with you I'm still improvising with parts and I didn't come up with this until he apologized for not being there... the last line also helped me decide on it ;) xD ahh I've never really hinted at stuff like this before (and this is my second account!) so enjoy xD :**_


	42. My Favorite Moments

_**xD Be warned the beginning of this chapter... surprised me... and I'm the one writing this! Anyhow just read ahead and you'll see what I mean. By the way on a random note I know the whole alphabet in sign language, my name, and a lot of basic words I know how to say Beyond Birthday without spelling it :D ... I also know how to threaten people. I usually get in trouble for that a lot so I found out how to say 'I will kill you' and stuff... ::sigh:: I'm mean. Anyhow enjoy! xD Oh and if you want to know how to say 'L' the letter then just make an L with your hand.. there you know some sign language lol  
**_

I yawned when I woke up and I was surprised to see him still next to me.

"I ... don't think we should have done that" I sigh

"Don't worry you won't get in trouble." L replies and then with a smirk he says "No one outside of this room heard you, don't worry."

"That's... well I guess it is why I'm worried. Aren't you late for class?" I ask, trying to change the subject as my face goes bright red.

"Yes but I didn't want you to wake up alone." He replies, putting a shirt on

"That's sweet" I smile

"Yeah I guess it is.. hmm you did change me. I'll see you after class" he kisses me on the forehead before leaving for class.

I sigh and put my jeans back on trying not to feel guilty about stuff. Although I can't help but be in a good mood, I groan because I know I have to face B when I get back to my room... then again probably not, he's either with SJ or sleeping. I pull up my hood as I walk back to my room, not even wanting to talk to my roommate at all.

I open the door and my eyes go wide when I see him sleeping in his bed, I just have to be really quiet and- I trip.

"So. How was your night?" he growls at me

"What do you mean?" I ask

"You know what I mean." B folds his arms over his chest and glares at me.

"No way! I was playing video games with Matt and I fell asleep." I shrug.

I have always been good at thinking of lies very quickly. I can even carry myself so it appears that I'm not lying... it's a bad quality I know but it comes in handy.

"Oh really what if I ask him?" B challenges

"Go ahead." I shrug again and take out my phone without him noticing, as the bell rings I text Matt.

_If B asks you where I was last night say I was playing video games with you - Nonie_ I dial the number 12 and expect it to go to Matt instead B's phone rings and he glares at me looking very disappointed in me.

"What's this then? You dialed me instead of Matt!" B growls.

"So what? I'm not yours. You do not own me Beyond Birthday"

"True but what if I tell Roger?" he asks

"I'll just leave early!" I challenge.

For the rest of the day we didn't talk.. I have a feeling we aren't friends anymore.

* * *

**Date: October 31st 1998 **

I haven't talked to my roommate at all since our last fight and honestly I don't care. Happy birthday asshole. I walk to the tree I always go to angrily and sit on one of the higher branches. I put in my headphones and turn on Riot by Three Days Grace because that's the song I always play when I'm angry.I hear someone below and I look down to see L.

"Hey... can I come up?" he asks

"Sure but I never thought of you as someone who would climb trees." I reply with a smile

"Well I never saw myself having feelings for someone yet here I am" he replies and sits down beside me.

For once he sits normally.

"Why aren't you sitting like you usually do?" I ask

"I don't really feel like I need to think right now." he sighs

"Wow.. emotions, sitting like a normal person... I really have changed you" I laugh.

L just replies with a nod.

"Happy 18th birthday, you pedophile" I laugh

"Thanks and no, yesterday I was technically still seventeen" he corrects me

"Fine then" I roll my eyes.

"I'm really going to miss it here" I sigh

"Well maybe you can visit with me and help out the little kids." He offers

"Yeah.. okay that would be nice" I smile and lean my head on his shoulder.

I really like times like these... just no drama, no talking, no thinking just silence... happy silence.

_**Well in the next chapter there will be yet another timeskip. Either that or the next one... you'll just have to wait until tomorrow night to find that out ;) Thanks for supporting me :D Good Night/Morning my fellow fangirls - and boys?- Told you it was OOC for L but hey, that had to happen at some point so why not now? personally I think they are too young for that ::scolds OC:: but oh well it's just a story. I am off to work on my comic books... Phantom awaaaaaaaaay! ::points to the sky and nothing happens:: shit... ::holds her blanket around her dramatically like a vampire cape and runs away::  
**_

_**I don't know I was just trying to end this author's note dramatically ... don't judge me -.-  
**_


	43. My Worst Nightmare

_**Thank you for the reviews - I never sleep muahahahahahahahaha O_o maybe I should... got this chapter idea from an awesome friend (the same one who owns SJ) so pretty much everything in this chapter was written because of her idea. ^_- the added things to A's character are also hers.. just so it all fits ;)  
**_Kapibarasan_**- If you're still reading and haven't quit by this point then thank you for your input but my character is like that for a reason. 1)she is based on me :l I suppose you find me unlikable then? lol 2)Every story needs a character like that just look at BB or Shane from TWD what are their good qualities? B has none he kills people. Yet fans still like him and I am one of those fans who likes him. I may sound defensive so for that I apologize I am just defending my hard work. Thank you very much. Rant over  
**_Cereza101_**- Thanks ^_^ I know he's OOC but ... you'll see later. My point to that is he's different around her :) I love you too xD... as a friend :P  
I will explain why this chapter is late at the bottom :/ sorry but I have a good reason. For now enjoy.  
**_

"I haven't done my homework" I sigh

"Alright, go on now we don't want Roger coming to get you." L says

"See you later" I smile and rush across the lawn to the door.

I walk to my room but when I'm going up the stairs I trip, making myself fall up the stairs. Something I always do.

"Oh... are you okay?" A girl asks me.

I look up and it's SJ, I sigh and try my best not to glare or be rude.

"Yeah I'm fine" I smile

"That's good" She replies

"So how was your day?" I ask with fake cheer in my voice.

"Oh it was great, but I'm pretty tired" SJ sighs

"That's what she said" I laugh and her face goes bright red.

It's so hard to hate that girl! She's just too innocent... that must be why B likes her. I sigh, I get it now. She balances it out, he's.. not innocent and she is. I guess that it's good to know somebody will be there to keep him.. sane.

"Something wrong?" she asks me

"No just thinking. Hey you knew A right?" I change the subject

"Yeah I was one of his friends" SJ replies

"Can you tell me about him?" I ask

"Of course." she smiles and sits beside me on the staircase. "Well he was really nice, of course A was a genius. He actually got me and B together."

_My brother, _I sigh _your actions haunt me._ I fake interest, she isn't that bad.. I only have one reason to hate her if that even counts. Jealousy. I've done something like this before. Hating a person without reason. It's not fair, she tries so hard to be nice to me but still I dislike her.

"He was so nice to me, a great friend and I just... can't believe he's gone." SJ sighs

"You and me both. A was my brother and I miss him so much but a friend helped me through that." I look away from her and out the window.

"Do you see the person?" SJ whispers and points outside.

It's the person in white but I can't see their face, therefore I can't see their name.

"Yes. It follows me, does it follow you as well?" I ask

"Yes. Thank god you see it, I thought I was crazy." She replies.

"Don't worry. If you ever feel crazy just come talk to me, if you talk to someone who is crazy you feel less crazy." I smile and it's real

"You're weird" she giggles

"I have to agree with you." I smirk.

I hate her less but I still dislike her. Although it is nice to actually talk to a girl after all this time around boys. We talk for a good portion of the day. Until the intercom speakers squeal and signal someone is about to speak.

_"Attention students, I apologize for this interruption. Ms. Summer has an announcement." _Roger says

_"Hello everyone! Since it is Halloween we will be having a dance. You MUST come in costume and you have to be there. There are no exceptions you have to be there and come in costume. It will be at 3pm today. Thank you and I will see you ALL there tonight"_ You can almost hear the smile in May's voice.

Oh god there is NO way I am dressing up to go to some stupid dance. I thought Wammy's was better than this.

_"If you do not have a costume I will give you one." _ May says.

Great there is no escape.

"I wonder what I'll be." SJ says

"I'm not going" I mutter

"But you have to. Come on it'll be fun!" She smiles.

"It's not like anyone will actually dance" I growl to myself

"I bet May will make them. I'll hang out with you if you want" SJ tries to cheer me up.

"Fine." I sigh.

Dances are my worst nightmare. I can't dance at all unless I'm too sugar-drunk to care. I used to love dressing up, now I don't see the point.

_**Sorry for my late update but my laptop is no more :'( stupid cat wrecked it -_- I love my animals but as soon as they wreck my electronics I want to throw them. BUT I don't because then I'd hurt them and that would be mean. Now I have to use my iPod that is dead and I have to charge it at my nan's work. I woke up at 6am for you! Be grateful :/ SO now I'm bored sitting here typing away in the back room of a hotel for you Dx Oh well it's better than not updating for you :) I'll be putting up a new chapter soon **_


	44. This Is Gonna Suck

_**here you go :) I'm going to be skipping ahead a bit after the dance so I thought I might warn you. Also I am planning on ending this in about 10-20 chapters MAX no more I don't want this to go on forever xD Also the dance and Nonie talking to SJ were Nukia's ideas ^_^ So were the costumes for BB,SJ,Matt,Mello,and Near  
**_

"May I don't wanna go!" I shout through the door.

The last thing I want to do today is go to a gym full of people who hate me and I dislike equally. Especially when I have to go dressed like this. I'm taller than I should be this dress looks stupid and I'm going to trip if I'm wearing these stupid shoes. There is no doubt I'll fall in these if I try to dance.

"You have to. You're going with Matt and Mello" May says softly

"Couldn't I have at least been a zombie?" I sigh.

At least if I were a zombie I wouldn't have to wear all this pink makeup! I mean really do I have to look like a 5 year old girl's room threw up on me? I am serious at very least I could have been the princess my friend said reminded him of me. I forget who she was but she wore blue.

"No! You're going to be a pretty princess and you're going to like it!" she snarls.

"Come on out I bet you look fine." Mello laughs

"Might I remind you you're dressed as Luigi?" I growl

"At least May didn't make us wear mustaches" Matt laughs.

"Oh shut up you know you like being Mario." Mello mutters.

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if Matt helped May pick out the costumes. I know it isn't very fair to act this way since May worked so hard on the costumes but I just don't want ANYONE to see me like this.

"Awe but Peach suits you so much better blondie" I smirk, using the nickname Mello hates

"Come out here and say that to my face!" Mello shouts.

There is no way I am coming out of my bathroom after that comment. There might have been a chance before but I don't really feel like dying today. I laugh quietly hearing Mello angrily muttering curse words because I called him 'blondie'. He's so easy to annoy. Maybe annoying people is my favorite pass time. I guess I'm just like that now.

"Please" May sighs

"Fine" I growl and open the door.

I glare at May for making me wear this dumb outfit and then look down at it. A dumb skin tight pink dress that only goes to my knees, pink heels that make me as tall as Matt and a dumb little crown.

"I could have at least been Rosalina" I sigh and Mello looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Yeah that's right I know stuff." I glare

"You're as nerdy as Matt" he laughs.

He knew that already though, playing video games and being antisocial. The only difference is I'm a girl and I am most likely -out of the two of us- to go insane one day. Who am I kidding? I'm already insane. Jealous, mean, angry, just... not a good person.

I roll my eyes and tell them I'm not leaving this room.

"Yes you are." May sighs and grabs my wrist

"Not with these shoes on" I growl "or in this lifetime."

"Come on!" SJ says from the doorway.

"Fine." I laugh and look down at her "God you're short" I smirk.

_Wait aren't I supposed to hate her? Yes I hate her, this girl is too innocent for me. Not a friend. Enemy yes an enemy. I don't like her one bit._ I try to convince myself again. It's not working though. I bet I'll hate her later though.

"You're just like B!" She rolls her eyes and pulls me by the wrist behind her

"How so?" I ask

"With your smirking and picking on me, your weirdness. I wouldn't be surprised if you're addicted to jam" she laughs.

"Let me guess. You like to make fun of him, yeah?" I ask

"Maybe a little." SJ bites her lip

"Well it's good to know that's not just another weird habit." I mutter

"Nervous habit" She shrugs.

"I meant I do that too." I mutter.

She pauses and waits for Matt and Mello to catch up. I laugh at them because they just look so stupid. I use this as a chance to take off my shoes and still I'm a half a foot taller than SJ. I don't like calling her by this name but I still refuse to see her real name. I don't like calling her SJ because it stands for Strawberry Jam.

"Really? I've never seen you do it.." she asks

"You don't see me very often and I rarely get nervous." I shrug.

I look at her costume for the first time and realize she's Juliet, _oh how romantic_ I roll my eyes _someone needs to read the plot._ I laugh when I see Near. A sheet ghost. I take it he didn't trust May to get him a costume so he dressed up like ... that.

It's our turn to go in and I don't want to. I stop right where I am and tell them I don't want to go in.

"Put your shoes back on Cindy it's time to go to the ball" Mello smirked

"Make another joke like that and you wont like where those shoes end up" I laugh

"Come on! Lets get this over with" Matt sighed.

I followed him inside and laughed when Mello said he didn't want to go in, Matt and I ended up dragging him inside. I sigh and look around, it's so stupid. everyone is already here and believe it or not they're actually dancing. Hell, even Near is dancing with Linda! I need to take a mental picture of this as proof. Nate River actually having fun? He still looked funny.

"Why don't you go dance?" Matt asked

"I can't dance." I bit my lip and looked at the floor

"I bet, you're so clumsy" Mello laughed, jealous again I see.

Oh well. I understand the jealousy thing but why does he have to be jealous of me? There isn't a chance at all that I could ever steal Matt from him Matt is gay! ... Oh I get it now. He's exactly like me. There is no chance I'd ever be with B yet still I am jealous of SJ.

"Oh shut up Mells. Listen, I can't dance either. Don't worry about it." Matt smiles.

"This is gonna suck" I sigh.

_**I'm basing things on pieces of the story Beyond This Love by Nukia because there is a surprise later that needs this to connect with that story to make sense so don't read that story yet, you'll spoil the ending for this. God I sound like a mother "Don't eat that you'll spoil your dinner!" xD lol bye**_


	45. No Backing Out

"Just go dance with Mello" I smile "I'm fine to be left alone for a bit"

"Okay" Matt replies and walks away with Mello.

I look over to the corner of the gym that is farthest from me to see B and SJ, I quickly look away. There's that jealousy again, only this time it's mixed in with sadness. I sigh and lean against the wall. I don't even want to think about it. I feel like a child who's jealous because she likes her older sister's boyfriend. Yeah, SJ is a year older than me.

_You need to get over it and stop being an idiot about it. _I growl to myself. Sometimes I can just be so-

"Hey" A voice says behind me

"Shit! Stop doing that!" I laugh

"There is a 97% chance you just like scaring me." I smirk

"Make that 100%" L replies.

"Let me guess, you told May you were a panda and she let you in"

"Ha. ha. Very funny." he rolls his eyes.

"No need to be so serious" I mutter

"You look gorgeous by the way." He complements me

"Thanks but it's not exactly my choice of what I wanted to wear tonight... or any night for that matter." I laugh.

"Well, I have to get to working again... try to have fun for once in your life" he smiles

"Y'know I could say the same thing to you." I reply as he leaves.

I giggle to myself as the song 'I'm Bringing Sexy Back' comes on and Matt and Mello start dancing. Their dance would be inappropriate and I would be looking away embarrassed if it weren't for the Mario Brothers costumes.

I look away but keep laughing as they dance, to be honest they are cute. I keep giggling like a little girl. When the song ends they walk up to me and I try to keep a straight face but end up laughing like an idiot again.

"What is so funny?" Mello asks

"Princess Peach just saw the Mario Brothers dance like they are on jersey shore." I giggle.

"_next up is the boy pick girl dance girls on the right side of the gym"_

We do as we are told and stand on opposite sides of the gym, I know I won't get picked so I hide behind all of the desperate girls at the front of the line and lean against a wall.

The song starts to play and people start pairing up and slow dancing. Some actually dance but others just sway awkwardly.

"Care to dance?" Matt asks me

"Why not?" I laugh and walk out to where everyone is dancing.

We sway awkwardly and just chat about video games until the song ends. I have to admit Matt is cute but he's just a friend and ontroop of that he is gay so it's not likeshy would even have a chance if I did have a crush on him.

"Oh Mello don't get mad, it was a boy pick girl dance and you aren't exactly a girl" Matt laughs and then says in faceless Italian accent "And Mario wanted to dance with princess Peach"

Mello tried to be angry but ended up laughing in the end.

"If you weren't so adorable I'd dump you Matt" Mello smirks

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around to see SJ.

"Hey!" she smiles

"Hi" I smile back

"Come dance with me" she says happily

"Alright" I sigh.

We got back out to where everyone was dancing and as soon as we got there the song 'I'm sexy and I know it' came on. We looked at each other and laughed. I wonder what is up with the songs that repeat the word 'sexy' tonight?

"Lets just wait another song." SJ bit her lip and laughed a bit more

"No way, you dragged me out here and now you're gonna dance" I giggle.

We laugh and start dancing to the beat of the song. Apparently this dance was the 'crazy dance and the two who are the favorites get bracelets. We won and danced to thefaking firework after that. Aren't I supposed to hate this girl? Oh well not tonight.

"I'll be right back I have to talk to May." SJ smiles

"Alright" I say and walk over to where Matt and Mello are.

"I guess that Cindy doesn't get to dance with the prince tonight?" Mello smirks

"Oh shut up. I am actually having fun" I reply.

"Hey! I need to talk to you" SJ drags me from them

"What do you want?" I ask nicely

"You're dancing and you can't get out of it." she replies

"Why would I want to?" I ask

"You're dancing with B"


	46. It's Nothing

"No way." I shake my head

"If you don't I'll just tell May and you'll have to dance with him in front of everyone." SJ threatens

"Fine" I mutter and she pushes me towards him.

I glare at him and he tells me he's only doing this because SJ made him. I tell him the same goes for me and not to worry. I laugh and make fun of his costume and he says she made him wear that.

"Don't worry I think it's cute that you match" I laugh

"Just like you match your boyfriends over there?" he smirks

"If SJ weren't watching I'd slap you for that." I growl.

The song starts and interrupts our conversation, I'm relieved when I recognize the song. A Team by Ed Sheeran. B starts to dance with me and it isn't easy to keep up, like I said I can't dance to save my life. He starts to try to talk to me and I start dining along to the song, trying to ignore him.

_"White lips, pale face , breathing in snow flakes." _I sing

"it's rude to sing when someone is speaking to you." B glares

"Oh yeah? Well it's rude to completely ignore someone and last time I checked verbal abuse was also very rude." I snap.

"I'm sorry please just listen." he sighs.

"Fine this is awkward though so you have until the chorus" I smirk

"I am sorry I ignored you and I was mad when you hurt yourself. If you would just tell me what is wrong then-"

_"And they say she's in the class A team stuck in her day dream, been this way since 18 but lately-" _I sing more

"Just tell me please" B whispers.

I look around at everyone and we're far enough away that no one is in earshot. I look over to where SJ is. She is sitting with her knees to her chest on a chair, she isn'tspaying attention instead she's playing with the strap on her shoe.

"She won't hear, it's okay just tell me." B whispers

"Okay fine. I'm ... Jealous okay?" I sigh

"Don't be." he chuckles

"What do you think is funny?" I glare as he twirls me around.

"You." he smirks

"It's a bit hard to take you seriously dressed like Romeo." I laugh

"I'm having trouble trying to take you seriously dressed like a video game character. Now stop changing the subject" B laughs

"Well then it's time for you to explain why I shouldn't be jealous." I pout

"You know why." he replies.

_"The worst things in life come free to us cuz we're just under the upper hand and go mad for a couple grams. She don't wanna go outside tonight-"_ I sing quietly

"She did this so we would talk. Please? Come on." B sighs

"Fine. You know you aren't bad at I talked to you" I mutter

"Will you just listen to me?" he growls.

"You wouldn't listen to me when I told you Fear scratched me." I reply

_The worst things in life come free to us cuz we're all under the upper hand and go mad for a couple grams. We don't wanna go outside tonight, and in a pipe we fly to the motherland or sell love to another man.__It's too cold outside for__ angels to fly Angels__ to fly __To fly, fly __For angels to fly, to fly, to fly __For angels to die. _

The song ends and we just stand there staring awkwardly at each other. I hear Mello laughing at me.

"You both know the song is over right? Or do you need to go somewhere private?" he laughed.

"Shut up unless you want a black eye." I glare at him as I push B's hands away from my waist and step back from him.

"Friends again?" B smiles

"Best friends" I smile and shake his hand.

"With benefits" Mello coughs

"My offer still stands blondie." I growl as I walk away with Mello.

I walk away and stand in the corner while everyone slow dances. I watch B and SJ twirl around the dance floor and honestly they lookperfect together. Ugh I push the thought to the back of my mind and make fun of their outfits. How does somebody dance while they have angel wings attached to their back?

SJ just looks too innocent for my taste. She is so innocent it sickens me, who is that innocent? Really is she like...Ugh I can't think of an insult for her right now. I glare at them and sigh when I realize how stupid I'm being.

I wonder where Fear is right now. I haven't seen her for two days. Since shescratched me and blamed me for self harm.

I watch the two dance to the song. I think it fits them too well. I was so relieved when the song was over. I sigh and walkaround the gym looking at people's costumes. The song is some sappy romantic song I don't recognize.

"Hello." L says to me

"Hi." I smile

"Would you like to dance with me?" he asks as yet another slow song starts.

"Of course" I reply.

I laugh quietly as we dance among the other couples to the song 'It will Rain' by Bruno Mars. When the song ends he kisses me and I smile because the dance is finally over.

"Cinderella did get to dance with the prince after all." Mello smirked as we walked back down the hallway

"Yeah.. I guess I did have fun" I smile

"I'm just glad I don't have to rescue the princess." Matt laughs and throws an arm around my shoulder.

"Mells just stop being jealous c'mon" I laugh and Matt throws his other arm around Mello's waist.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow" I laugh and walk into my room.

They wave and I shut the door. I fall backwards onto my bed and shut my eyes, but I can't sleep, I sigh when I look over to the empty bed on the other side of the room. I tell myself that it's nothing and pull the blankets up over my head and fall asleep.


	47. Why Do You Love Me?

I woke up after having some weird crazy dream again... maybe it was the one about B again. I don't remember. I look around and sure enough Beyond is asleep in his bed. I curse silently because I didn't change from my stupid dress. May said we should keep the costumes but really when would I wear it? Oh well it was uncomfortable. I got up and grabbed my hoodie from my drawer.

I walk silently into the bathroom and put on a bright red tank top, jeans and my black sweater. I started laughing like a crazy person because this was absolutely not my sweater. I looked at the sleeves which went past my fingers and it was abouyet twice my size.

"Are you alright in there?" B asks outside the door.

Oh I'm more than okay right now. I look at myself in the mirror and burst out laughing again.

"Yeah May just mixed our clothes up" I laugh

"Can I come in?" he asks

"Sure" I say as I keep laughing.

"You must still be tired because that isn't funny" he chuckles

"Yeah it is! This thing is twice my size!" I giggle and pull it over my head.

"Could you grab me a hoodie please? Top drawer on the left" I ask

"Sure but the only one that's in here is the red one." he replies

"Good enough, thank you" I smile and catch the sweater when he throws it at me.

"No problem." B smirks.

I throw the black hoodie in his face and laugh as I pull my old devil sweater over my head. I push the sleeves up to reveal the bracelet from last night. I smile and look over to the doorway where B is still watching me.

"So did you have fun last night?" I chuckle

"Yes I suppose the dance was fun" he shrugs

"I'm not talking about the dance." I smirk

"Oh my god you have a dirty mind. We just hung out for a while." B says

"Is that what you're calling it?" I giggle.

"You're just like your brother." He crosses his arms

"Doubt it" I sigh and rush past him to my bed.

I grab my iPod and plug in my headphones. I feel his eyes on me as I pick up a pen and write a song down in the notebook Roger gave me. Today's song is Breakeven by The Script. I stuff it in my backpack that I have to use now along with all my homework.

I fall back onto my bed and read a book.

"Y'know it's rude to stare." I smirk as I set my book down on my chest.

"I'm just wondering whyyou hate SJ so much." Beyond replies

"I don't hate her... I just.. strongly dislike her." I shrug

"Tell me..."he says, sitting daannd beside me and crossing his legs "What is it that you like about me?"

"I prefer not to answer that" I laugh.

"Please?" he smiles

"Fine. I like that you're as crazy as I am, you're smart, funny, my best friend, I trust yhone even if you won't admit it you are sweet. There are lots of reasons... Why do you ask?" I reply, looking up at him.

"Just curious." he shrugs

"Now you tell me. What do you like about me and what do you like about her?" I ask

"Well I like that you are crazy like me, you are nice even if you don't want to be, you're attractive, you are funny without trying, you are the smartest girl I know, there are more reasons but those are a few of my favorites. As for SJ I like that she is innocent, sweet, cute, smart, funny, immature, she balances me out. If you were my girlfriend neither one of us would be reminded that the thoughts we have are bad and therefore would both just be dangerous." B replies.

"I suppose you are right." I sigh

"Want to watch people killing zombies?" B smirks

"Yes please" I smile.

* * *

I sigh and get dressed again, I had a Walking Dead marathon last night and now I have to go to school. I look down at my outfit; bright right red tank top with a skull on it, jean jacket, jean skirt with fishnets that stop at my ankles underneath.

Yes I suppose you could call me Emo with my blonde hair and red bangs. I guess my reason for dressing like this is that I like it and it fits my personality a bit. I like the color red because it's the same color as blood.

I grab my backpack from the floor and tell Beyond that we are going to be late for class. We rush down the halls and arrive in English. I take my seat beside him and start on the writing project.

_If today was my_ _last day alive and knew it my first thought would be panic. At first I wouldn't believe it but at last I would and I would tell my friends that I cared, I would tell them goodbye and I would disappear. I hope you know that if today were my last day to walk this Earth I would fix my many mistakes if I could and I would after await my time that I could again be with my parents._

I hand my paper in after signing my name and the bell rings for gym class. I stalk off to class with B and we meet up with SJ. I smile and say hello to her.

"So what did you do yesterday?" she smiles

"Just watched T.V" B shrugs

"We better go change" I say to SJ

"Oh right. See you in a second " She says happily.

I hate the stupid things that they make us wear as gym clothes. Little black shorts with baggy grey shirts. I bet Roger is a pedophile. I look down at my sleeves again and they are still so long that only the tips of my fingers stick out.

We walk out and the teacher tells us that today we will be climbing ropes. I laugh because I imagine myself trying to climb a rope. I bet I'll get up about three feet if that and then I'll fall. I keep laughing until I realize Carele is checking me out again. I cringe and look away from him.

"Backup, you go" the teacher says.

I tie my blonde hair up in a pony tail and watch B climb. Honestly he's really good, he gets all the way to the top and then climbs back down.

"Are you part monkey?" SJ laughs

"No I'm just coordinated, unlike you." he smirks.

"You libe to make fun of me" She complains.

I laugh at them and then I go on to watch the rest of the people climb. A lot of them are really good climbers. I just stand quietly beside B and SJ.

"She is next, plug your ears." B whispers in my ear.

At first I don't understand but then I realize he knows I don't want to know her name and I plug my ears. I laugh as I watch her try desperately to climb the rope but she gets to about 5 feet up and she falls on her butt. I cover my mouth as I giggle.

"That'll be you in a few minutes" B chuckles.

Sure enough I'm called next and he laughs at me as I try to climb, finally I get to the part where SJ was when she fell and I stay there for a second. I begin to climb again and I make it just past where she was and I fall.

"Well that was a rather unpleasant experience" I smirk.

B just laughs and helps me up onto my feet. I smile and the rest of the day goes by quickly.

After school we all head back to my room and we really just chat for the rest of the day until SJ falls asleep curled up on B's bed. He pulls the covers over her and sits beside me.

"Awe how cute" I laugh quietly so I don't wake her

"Oh shut up I'm not sweet" B pouts

"Yea you are. When I fell asleep in class you carried me here. Who cheered me up when I cried? You did. Like it or not you have a heart" I smile.

"Whatever." he crosses his arms

"Fine then, I'm sleeping too then." I say, curling up in a ball on my bed

"I'll allow it" he smirks.

* * *

In the morning when I wake up I have the blankets covering me and B is leaning against the wall and sitting in his exact same spot and sleeping.


	48. Another Day at Wammy's

I laugh quietly to myself when I glance at the TV and see what is on. It's some weird romance/drama cheese. Apparently I woke up B with my laughter because immediately after glancing at the television he says.

"I swear that wasn't on when I fell asleep." he yawns

"Sure it wasn't" I smirk

"Shut up" he whines and throws the blanket over my face.

"No you shut up!" I say, throwing a pillow and hitting him in the face

"You two fight like children." SJ mumbles with a yawn

"Sorry to wake you" I mutter and hide back under the blankets.

"Play nice." B sighs

"Fine but I'm not going to school today." I mutter

"Oh my gosh I'm late!" SJ said jumping up off the bed.

"Congrats" I chuckle

"For school" SJ blushes

"I know but it's fun to tease you" I smirk

"I swear you are a girl version of B" she mutters and closes the door behind her.

No I'm not... Am I? Let's see.. I have violent thoughts, I have very perverted humor, I smirk a lot, I chuckle a lot, I love making fun of people, I really hate most people at Wammy's ... Shit SJ is right.

"Am not" I pout

"There are similarities." B shrugs

"Off to school." I say to him.

He just stays where he is and looks at me.

"What?" I ask

"I thought you wanted to spend more time with me. I have tons of time to spend with SJ but you are leaving for LA next year." he replies

"Oh... Okay." I reply.

"I just realized you never told me what it was about L that you liked." B says

"You never asked and I thought it would make you uncomfortable." I shrug

"Since when do you care about me being uncomfortable with what you say? Who are you?" he smirks.

I of course roll my eyes at this statement and sit up so I can look at him.

"I am Nonie, have we met?" I reply.

"Fine then. I'm asking now." he sighs

"Alright... I suppose it is for the same reasons that you like SJ _almost_... he's nice to me, smart, he was the first person to actually talk to me here, he's ... Strange but I like him. Like you said he also balances out the crazy part of me and really reminds me that those thoughts are bad. Since when do we have these conversations?" I ask

"... Wow he's never like that around _anyone _else. He must really like you. We speak to each other like this since we found out that we have problems that are not about killing and violent thoughts." He replies.

"Hmm..." I grab a red sharpie from my backpack and sketch the number 13 on my wrist so it looks like it has been cut there.

I look at the crooked numbers that appear to be bleeding and smile. 13 the number that is supposed to be the most unlucky, and the tarot card meaning death. My favorite number since I was 10. B grabs my wrist gently and looks at it.

"Why did you write that number?" he asks

"Because it's my favorite." I shrug

"Is that because it looks like a 'B'?" he asks

"Huh? No it doesn't" I glare and take my hand back. "It means death and bad luck by the way."

How could this look like a B.. I look at it and it's so simple. If you connect the two numbers it makes a capital letter 'B'.

"So it does... don't flatter yourself" I mutter

B sighs "So emotionless on the outside."

"Am not" I growl.

"Other than anger?" he smirks

"If you weren't my friend I'd slap you." I sigh

"I'll make you smile like you used to one day" B smirks again.

"Wow, she's right you are perverted" I laugh

"You are the one with a dirty mind." he shrugs.

**Later that day **

I sighed as I died for the 50th time today. We're only playing Mario brothers but I'm failing bad. I hate the castle in world one, all the lava. Well I love it but I suck when we play it. Fire... yes I like fire. I never tell people this but fire makes me smile. Unless it hurts something or someone that I care about. Then I hate it.

"Something on your mind?" Matt asks

"Maybe it's the fact I'm still laughing over you two dancing or maybe it worries me that you're 15 and you're a smoker." I reply

"Or maybe you just suck at this game" Mello growls

"Oh shut up Mells you just don't get along with me because we're too much alike." I mutter.

"How so?" He challenges

"Well, you are both violent, short tempered, my friends, you both wear black all the time, you're both blonde... and you're both girls" Matt jokes

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Mello shouts.

"Whoa couple fight. I'm out." I say dropping my controller on the bed and walking out of the room.

I can hear Mello shouting from the hallway after I close the door. With a sigh I open the door to my room. I see B kissing SJ and I fight back anger. Luckily I win for once but the jealousy remains. I clear my throat.

"Am I interrupting something?" I say through my teeth.

SJ gasps and jumps backwards. Her cheeks burn red as she looks at the floor.

"No. I was just leaving." SJ starts to rush past me but I stop her, getting a worried look from B.

"No, it's okay I'll just... go kill zombies in the game room okay?" I suggest, still talking through my teeth and trying not to yell.

At least I'm winning against my anger for once... it doesn't make me want to slap her any less though.

"That's okay... I have to do homework." she says rushing past me and closing the door.

"Is she scared of me?" I ask and fall back on my bed again

"No, just embarrassed." B replies

"Hmm.." I say.

"So I hear you caused a fight between Matt and Mello?" he asks

"Ahh yes, sweet chaos. They'll get over it." I smirk

"I worry about you." B frowns

"No reason to. I just belong in a mental hospital." I shrug.

* * *

**Timeskip; Leaving day**

****I shove all my belongings into my suitcase and zip it up quickly. I make sure all the things are gone from under my bed. I sigh when I remember I have to say goodbye to everyone and all of that stupid stuff. I feel Beyond's eyes on me as I rush around my room like a crazy person. I check my closet, my drawers and even the floorboards under my bed to make sure I missed nothing. My Death Note is tucked into my skirt, I'm not wearing any metal so I won't be searched.

"You know, you could stop looking at my ass now" I growl while I search under the bed again.

This earns a chuckle from him.

"I'm going to miss you" He smiles

"I'll miss you a lot too. Just call me, I'm number 1 on speed dial remember" I say, standing up

"I will, remember I'm 13 on speed dial" he smirks.

"Yeah if it were up to me you'd be 1st but you programmed it" I sigh and look out the window.

The only thing out of place outside is the person in white outside standing half in the forest under my favorite tree. I wonder who this person is. He follows SJ me and B... I'm not seeing things because SJ has seen him too. Yes I believe it is a boy because of the broad shoulders. I have a feeling who it is but that is highly unlikely. Impossible even. Oh well I guess I'll never know.

"Take this." B says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

He's holding a bracelet with a red number on it, 13.

"Why?" I ask

"The correct term is thank you" he smirks

"I didn't get anything for you for your birthday though" I frown.

"Yes you did." he replies.

I look at him funny and he says "You became my friend again."


	49. Los Angeles

**_First I have to say thank you for all the follow/favorites and reviews. Oh gosh I hit 50 reviews a while back, I didn't even expect to hit 10 xD Thank you all for that :) The chapters I've written lately have a few spelling errors because I'm typing on my iPod which has tiny buttons and likes to use auto correct when I don't want it to :l any how I just wanted to thank you and this chapter will mostly be goodbyes (I'm working on a laptop right now because I'm at a friend's house -my mom's friend- and I'm babysitting (he's asleep thank god xD) Enjoy and thank you for everything :D _**

**_P.S 13 Is my favorite number and me and my friend used to play pranks every Friday the 13th ::evil smile:: lol but she hates me now xD anyways go read the chapter xD  
_**

"You are sweet B" I reply

"Really still no smile?" he asks

"Oh so you use bribery?" I laugh.

"No I just thought you might smile if I was nice again" B replies

"Awe" I smile and hug him. "I really will miss you" I whisper

"Just call if you want to talk, I'll call if I want to talk. Deal?" He says and hugs me back

"Deal" I laugh.

We walk out of the room and I see Matt and Mello who have obviously made up.

"So we have to say good bye to the new girl so soon. Such a shame" Mello sighs

"I'm gonna miss you guys" I laugh

"Come here." Mello says

"Don't hit me." I reply only to be pulled in for a hug.

"If any of you tell people about that you will die." Mello growls and releases me.

"I'll miss my video game partner." Matt smiles and hugs me

"We always have the internet" I smirk

"And cell phones" He replies "Number twelve"

"13 The card meaning death" I reply.

He tells me I'm weird and then we all say our goodbyes. Mr. Wammy is driving me to the airport... at least it isn't Roger. I bet he has a white panel van. After a few more sad goodbyes and even a goodbye from Near and Carele. Linda, Lisa, Mary, Si (short for silent, he's new and he uses sign language like I did.) the list goes on.

"I'll miss having a girl as a friend!" SJ says and throws her arms around me

"Yeah I will too" I smile weakly and hug her back awkwardly.

Honestly I don't mind her hugging me it's just that I find it... uncomfortable. I suppose that there is a reason for that but who cares, I will miss her innocent personality and the way she stays cheerful even when I don't hide the fact that I dislike her. I suppose in the short time I've known her she had become one of my best friends.

"Don't loose the bracelet" She smiles when she lets me go and points to the red and black bracelet on my wrist that reads 'crazy'.

I laugh a bit to myself because of the way it worked out, she got the one that said 'dancer' because that is the one she wanted and I got the one that read 'crazy' because I wanted it and it suited me.

"Don't loose yours" I smile because she is still wearing it as well "You're a good friend" I say.

"Thank you, so are you" She replies cheerfully.

That's a lie, I'm a horrible person with a horrible personality. I find it odd that a girl like her even tried to make friends with me. I'm surprised anyone at all makes friends with me because in my eyes I'm completely unlikable. Oh well somehow it happened and now I have to say goodbye to all of them and start over yet again somewhere else.

We finish saying goodbye and her and B continue to walk with me until I get to the car that will take me to the airport. is waiting for me already and I apologize for being late but he says I'm just on time. I hug B once more and he gives me the bracelet. I thank him and hug SJ, this time I remain friendly and I really am sorry to leave here.

I'm just happy I won't take the plane ride alone, I will go with Fear. This will be horrible considering I know have a fear of flying after all of those nightmares about the crash and the haunting voices that follow me in the halls when no one is there. I am glad the I also do not have to ride in the car alone with Mr. Wammy either. L is sitting in the seat beside me.

I find that being alone with adults makes me uncomfortable.

"I've over used this sentence today but I will miss you L" I sigh and lean my head on his shoulder

"I'll visit you, You still have me on speed dial and everything." He replies and wraps his arms around me.

I watch Wammy's house fade off into the distance in the rear view mirror as we drive. Fear flies alongside the car, silent and unseen. I remember the names and faces I saw last, the lifespans. Everything. I never gave Roger my stupid black journal and I didn't plan to. I shut my eyes and I open them as the car stops in the airport parking lot.

My heart races as I look at the planes taking off. I feel tears start to fall as I remember that day 4 years ago as if it happened yesterday.

_I feel my head hit the seat in front of me so hard I can even hear a loud banging noise. I glance quickly over to my mother and I see she has tears falling down her cheeks, I swear I see numbers ticking down to something above her head but I hit my head pretty hard. _

_I gasp as the plane breaks apart and everything comes out of slow motion. I hear screams all around me and a baby crying.  
_

Poor child, _I think to myself. Suddenly I loose grip on my mothers hand and I'm pulled into the water._

"It's okay" L holds my hand as I walk

"Don't cry, It'll be okay." he whispers.

"Do you want me to go to? There are still seats." He asks, I shake my head but I thank him.

He knows the reason for my tears and he calms me down with the percentage of the plane crashing again, it's only 5% but I have a strong feeling that it's a lie. In fact I'm completely certain it is a flat out lie and only said to calm me down but I believe it because I want to.

* * *

The time spent on the plane was equivalent to an eternity in my own personal hell, every bump, every slight shift of the plane sent me into panic mode. I was relieved when I finally arrived in LA. I received several texts, I'd have to read them later. I had been offered help with things by Mr. Wammy and L but I declined. I did thank them though. I had an apartment that I had gotten Fear to look at for me to make sure it was decent.

I could survive, I had multiple jobs. A tutor for writing specifically, I'm surprised I had even gotten the job. I sing at some stupid coffee shop every Saturday, the list goes on. I checked and none of my hours interfere with each other. I'll live if I can get past the fear of being in a huge city like this.. all alone with a person nobody can see -my Shinigami.

I had a list of achievements that helped me get the job, I technically finished high school and college I had straight A's and B's... For now I'm tired and I just want to sleep so I did everything I had to and fell asleep with Fear watching over me. I missed everyone already. My last memory of Wammy's was the person in white waving at me as I left.


	50. Stalker on The Street

I wake up to my alarm clock and sigh because I check my calendar on my iPod. Today I have to tutor some little girl. Oh well I'll put on my nice personality while I'm here. I know I can be nice I just never want to try.

I don't have to wear a uniform I am allowed to wear jeans and a sweater as long as it is not 'offensive'. I pull on my black hoodie. I look at my outfit, hoodie, skinny jeans, white sneakers, blonde pony-tail.

I sigh and grab my bag that is full of all of my teaching supplies and stuff my money in my shirt. I tell Fear to come with me and I walk out the front door. I rush to the lobby and smile at the boy who works there, he's nice but I don't like him. He tells me good morning.

I wave at him as I walk out the door. I got an apartment in a good neighbourhood thank god. I know where this girl lives, her mother and I had contact over the internet the last few days at Wammy's. E-mails and video chats just to make sure I wasn't crazy.

Well not in the sense that I would hurt her daughter. I check the map in my pocket to make sure I've got it right. Yes I'm supposed to be on Third Avenue right now Iquietly on the door just loud enough to hear.

"Hello! You must be Nonie, it is good to meet you!" The woman says happily

"Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you too " I smile and shake her hand

"Oh please just call me Nancy" she smiles.

"Please, Come in"

"Thank you" I smile.

"So what do you teach?" Nancy asks

"Writing, language and art" I reply

"Alright, I should be getting to work. Here are the numbers to call in case of an emergency. She has a phone do you?" she asks

"Yes." I nod.

"Alright, I'll be on my way then. Come on out sweetie your teacher is here!" Nancy calls.

I see a little blonde girl step out from a room with a book. I smile and say hello to her.

"Hi I'll be helping with your writing and language skills and your art." I smile at the girl and glance above her head.

Quinn Sampson; Death date August 4th 2002.

What a shame. That means she will die at the age of 13. I guess nobody I meet will ever live long enough, it's never enough time.

"So you're the fun teacher?" she smiles

"You can call me that if you like" I laugh

"Okay. Bye mom!" she hugs her mother and then we are left alone in the apartment.

"What would you like to learn about first?" I ask as we both take seats at the table.

"Hmm... Art?" Quinn suggests

"Alright. Oh where are my manners? My name is Nonie but if you want to feel more like I am a teacher you could call me Miss N. What is your name?" I ask

"That's a pretty name. My real name is Quinn but everyone knows me by Quarter Queen." she replies.

"Those are both pretty names and thank you." I smile as I take out a project from my big messenger style bag.

I put some papers down on the table and pencils. I tale out the drawing supplies and three pictures.

"Which one of these do you want to draw today?" I ask

"Hmm.. This one?" she asks, pointing to a picture of a Chinese dragon.

I smile "Did you know according to the Chinese Zodiac next year is the year of the Dragon? That is if I remember correctly."

"Cool! What is this year?" she asks

"I think... It's the year of the rabbit" I reply.

She smiles as she looks at the black and white picture of the dragon on the page. I look at the numbers above her head with a sad look on my face. So young. Only three years younger than I am now..

"Is something wrong?" Quinn asks me

"Just homesick" I sigh

"Oh.. Where are you from?" she asks

"Well..England" I reply.

"That explains the accent. It sounds nice. I like your eyes." she smiles

"Awe thank you. I like your eyes.. I always wanted blue eyes" I smile

"Thank you too.. I'm supposed to wear glasses. But I don't like them." she shrugs.

I look out the window quickly as she studies the butterfly and the sad girl looking out a window.

"I understand, I might need glasses but I think they'd look funny on me" I chuckle

"I think they would look fine. It is just annoying when they fall off sometimes, I'm really clumsy." she sighs

"Don't worry so am I, I swear I fall up the stairs everytime." I smirk.

"I thought I was the only one who does that. I guess we should start drawing now right? Do you mind if we draw the butterfly instead?" Quinn asks

"I don't mind at all, it's your choice" I smile.

I go on to tell her about shading and how you shouldn't do dark lines at first because if you mess up, even if you erase it it could look sloppy. Not to get frustraighted if you don't get it right away and all that stuff.

I glance at my watch I've gotten in the habit of wearing and realize that I have to get going.

"Oh geeze I was supposed to leave for home twenty minutes ago." I sigh

"Awe please stay a bit longer?" she asks

"Alright but you mom will be home in a bit so I have to go when she gets back." I reply.

"Does painting nails count as art?" Quinn asks

"I guess it does. You would have to ask your mother though. I suppose it could count as working on small details." I reply.

"I'm home. Oh hello again. Did Quarter keep you here late?" Nancy sighs

"No we just got carried away drawing." I smile

"Mom.. Do you think I we can paint nails next Thursday for art?" Quinn asks.

"I don't know you have to ask your teacher." She replies

"I said it counts as paying attention to the small details." I shrug.

"Alright then I'll see you tomorrow" Nancy smiles

"Okay, you can hold onto this to keep working on it if you like. If you get stuck then just wait and ask me for help when I get back okay?" I smile as I gather everything but the supplies she needs and the butterfly picture.

"Thank you." She hugs me

"Oh!" I gasp

"Quarter Queen! You know better." Nancy scolds.

"It's alright, she just surprised me is all" I laugh

"Okay, we'll here is your pay for today. I take it you were nice to her, thank you" Nancy smiles and gives me my pay for today.

"Oh it was no problem she's so sweet. She was an angel" I reply.

After saying goodbye to Quinn I walked down the street and back to my apartment. I ducked onto a street that looked alright at first but when I got to it it lookEd abandoned.

I curse under my breath because I hear foot steps behind me. I whip around quickly to see a man pointing a gun at me.

"Scream and I kill you." he growls

"Johnny, I take it that you are the culprit who kills young women?" I shrug

".. What did you call me?" he asks.

"An old movie reference you moron." I sigh

"I don't believe that is any way to talk to a man with a gun." Johnny glares

"It's not loaded. I find it highly unlikely that every time you kill you stab your victims. Yet you change your technique now? I don't buy it. I suppose you are the type to bring a knife to a gunfight, yeah?" I say pointing a gun at him.

"Who's to say that yours isn't loaded" he challenges

"Would you like to test me?" I smirk.

"Shit." he puts the gun back and backs away

"Yes, dance my little puppet, dance" I laugh.

After that little episode I walked back home calmly. A smirk on my face because that was just my luck. First day in LA and I already get attacked. Oh well.

Fear made sure he wasn't following me anymore. I walk up to my apartment and fall back on the bed I don't bother changing. I just make sure the doors are locked and so are the windows.

Fear watches as I sleep. I decide to read the texts tomorrow instead.

_**Johnny also belongs to Nukia. I have all this stuff planned out for you now ;) stuff is about to get crazy xD I hope you enjoyed my weird ramblings that I wrote on my iPod at 5AM xD well you got to se her good side right? :) and her evil side all in the same chapter KYAHAHAHA Lol that was supposed to be Muahhahahahaha but auto correct changed it xD that's how often I use B's laugh? O_O I need sleep now xD _-_ zZzZzZz**_


	51. City of Angels

I wake up to darkness so I get up and flick on the lights. I check the clock; it's 9pm. That's 9 hours sleep. I check my phone again.

_8:15am. _

_So how are you liking LA? It's raining here again :l _

_-Matt_

I type back a reply saying that it's okay but I like it better at Wammy's. I also make fun of Roger. Saying how he's probably a pedo and that I'm safe from him here. I send it and look at my other messages (there's only a few).

_4:27pm_

_Hey! Just thought I'd like to tell you that I would appreciate if you came back... I hate video games. I really don't want to play the two player things with him. :l_

_Mello_

I smirk and say that I can't come back because I'm teaching a little girl art and stuff. I also say how I hate half the people there so I can't. Do I miss them? Only when I have to think about them too much.

I check and the other message is from L it didn't say.. Well actually yes it did but in a way that only I'd understand it. He's just checking up on me. I tell him I'm fine and send the message.

I sigh and let my hair fall where it wants. I love the feeling of taking out your hair from a pony tail after it has been up all day. I look out my window and I get a view of downtown Los Angeles.

"The City of Angels" I mutter

"I should listen to music"

I turn on the radio to a random station and the song playing is good time by owl city. I start dancing to it like the nerd I am. I sigh and realize I should take a shower. I grab my shampoo and stuff and walk to my bathroom.

I look around and everything is clean and stuff so I decide I can take a shower. Whenin start using my shampoo and body wash I realize that this isn't how my stuff smells. I read the the bottle. Strawberry.

Fear did this. I sigh, why does she like to do stuff like this to me. It isn't funny. I step out of the shower and I tie my hair back again. I change into my old gym clothes (they are clean of course) and crawl into my bed with Fear watching over me as always.

I shut my eyes, set my alarm and fall asleep.

_"I do love you." I whisper_

_"I'm disappointed in you." L replies_

_"It's not my fault!" I say as tears begin to fall down my cheeks._

_"I forgive you" he replies_

_"That isn't fair! Why don't you be normal! For once in your life just show emotion" I sigh_

_"I show more emotion around you than I do around anyone." he frowns._

_I hang my head and look at the floor. He shouldn't forgive me, my fault or not it was bad. I start to cry again and I feel him pull me in close and kiss me. _

_"Let me remind you why you love me more" he smirks._

**Beep beep beep ** I wake up to the alarm.

"What the actual fuck brain?" I sigh as I get dressed to go teach Quarter Queen how to make regular sentences sound interesting.

I walk down the street to get to Third Ave. I glance to my left when I feel like I'm being followed. I see a white figure in the shadows.

"Who are you?" I ask

"I can't tell you." they mutter in a deep voice

"Why not? Why are you following me?" I ask.

"Just trust me. I am your guardian angel as well as B's and SJ's. Take this." they hand me an envelope and rush off.

Yep just another day in Los Angeles.

**The idea of a stalker was Nukia's please don't read her stories until you finish this. Though I do recommend you read it after. Otherwise you'll spoil the ending! D: well I might update again later but for now I 'sleep'. Sorry for the short chapter but here enjoy!**


	52. Wara Ningyo Murders

_**Sorry the last chapter was boring sloppy but I'll make it up to you:/ Anyone know where I can find the game Slender online? Free.. ?** _

_"Turn around and you die" a man growls_.

_I let out a small squeak and he clamps his hand over my mouth. The knife is pressed against my throat and I can't move. I don't know who this person is. I've never heard that voice._

I wake up again, the dreams continue. They are all me being attacked or sexual references/jokes.

Some days I want to run away, I belong nowhere. Not here not, Wammy's not where I used to live. I'm a complete outcast who- you know what? I don't care. I need to think of something to do for the rest of the week.

I sigh and try to fall back asleep.

* * *

**Year: 2002 **

Quater Queen says I am her favorite teacher. To be honest she is my favorite student. Most of the other kids are a bit disturbing even to me. Not like they are crazy but they are ... They have gross humor.

I am also being extra nice because today is the last day of the summer that I will beteaching her. (I have now been teaching her for 3 years) I decided that today we will do whatever she wants.

We did art and stuff today. Actually we made comic books. Hers was a manga and she called it snowflake. It was about winter and a dog. I swear it was something that you would buy in a store. I hug her tightly when it is time for me to go.

"Bye" I sigh and let her go

"It's okay it's not like it's the last time you'll see me. It's just summer." she smiles and I walk out the door.

Quinn if only you knew that tomorrow is your last day. I got my pay for today and walked home. Wiping tears from my eyes I realized I was again being followed. I look over to see the man in white. He hands me another envelope and rushes off.

When I get home I flop on my bed and open it.

_Nonie,_

_Do not be afraid of me as I said I am your angel. I watch to make sure nothing goes wrong for you. I watch to make sure nothing happens to you B or SJ. I am someone who cares about you. _

_-Your guardian angel_

_P.S 9-13,9,19,19-25,15,21_

Strange. Like the last one.

_Nonie,_

_I wanted you to know to go to the park closest to your apartment every night at 5. In three years. Don't ask just do. It's safe do not worry._

_- Guardian angel_

There is no way I will do that. I sigh and check my phone. No texts lately. Other than My on going conversation with Matt about video games. Suddenly my phone rings and I jump so high I fall off my bed.

"Hello?" I ask

"Hey it's me." B replies

"Wow, it's been long enough." I laugh.

"Awe, you miss me?" he chuckles

"A bit. What's up?" I ask

"I missed you too. Just phoned to... Chat just chat" he says.

"Well then. Anything new with SJ?" I say, bored just trying to make conversation.

"Lets not talk about that."

"Thank you"

"So I live in LA now" B says

"Oh really? cool!" I smile.

We speak for a while until he had to go for some reason I didn't care about enough to ask. I start thinking about Quinn again. To think that sweet little girl is going to die on Sunday. I think back to what she said before her mother paid me and said goodbye.

It's only summer. It's not like it's the last time you'll see me. If you only knew. I sigh and fall asleep, the next two days go by fast.

**August 4th 2002 **

I awake to my phone ringing like crazy.

"Hello?" I ask, hearing sobbing on the other side.

"She-She's... D-dead." Nancy cries

"Oh my god." I whisper "Are... You alright?"

"Yes. She... Was m-murdered!" she sobs.

"Oh my god" I wipe tears from my eyes as I cry "Do you want me to come see you?" I ask.

"Yes please." she sniffles.

Nancy tells me where she is and now I am rushing over to her mothers house. She is staying there nowbrace became friends over the years and I really should go help her. I wipe tears from my eyes when I knock on the door.

"Come in please" Nancy sniffles

"I'm so sorry" I cry "I should have offered to babysit or something and then this wouldn't have-"

"It's nobody's fault but the person who killed her. It was the Wara Ningyo killer." She whispered.

I gasp. 4 straw dolls at the first house. I wonder if it is the same here. Of course I will not ask them though. We all are questioned by the police and I tell them that I was sitting in my apartment at the time.

"Can you confirm that?" he asks me

"The man who works in my apartment would have seen me leave and my room doesn't have a fire escape. He would have seen me leave" I say, wiping more tears from my eyes with my sleeve.

When it is night I say I should get going and I leave. I rush to my apartment and start searching for crime reports. I look at the reports and I realize something immediately. There is one less doll at the crime scene.

The killer is counting down to something. I know Quinn's room. A thumb turn lock. I think for a second. Everything I can recall about her room since they have no pictures. The girl was found lying face down...

I hack the police using a computer in the library and I notice that they had a crossword puzzle sent to them. I print off a picture of it but I know I can't solve it. I don't know why I am so interested in this case.

Quinn's time was up years ago so this couldn't have been plabned that long ago. I've seen a picture of the man Believe Bridesmaid before a long time ago and his time was up to. Meaning it has to be someone with the eyes and the only other person like that in LA that I know of is... Oh god. The murderer.

It's B.


	53. Some Crazy Nights

I clamp my hand over my mouth as the tears begin to fall. My best friend is a killer. He murdered a little girl. I shut my eyes and the tears stopped. They fly open when I realize he's always been capable of that.

All of our conversations about different ways you can kill a person. Hell I'm capable of that. I guess it was their time anyways. But what is he counting down to? What did the crossword puzzle mean?

A challenge. But for who? L of course. I gasp and delete the history on the computer and then hack his computer system, fairly hard even for me and I know the guy. L has already begun Thais case but hasn't taken action yet.

I look at the pictures that were taken of the crime scene. First victim; Believe Bridesmaid, strangled something slashed into his chest... I turned my head to look at it better. Roman numerals perhaps?

_'Hey B? What are you doodling there?' I ask as I peek over his shoulder to look at his math book_

_'Roman numerals, why?" B replied simply._

I caught him doing this multiple times. Could be a coincidence but I bet not. Should I tell L? I think about this for a second. My hand reaches for my phone but I shut it quickly.

No. I decide, I will not tell him. Why? Well I'm not exactly sure but I just can't. With a sigh I read more details. Believe Bridesmaid was found lying face up. Quinn was found lying face down... There can't be something there can there?

I sigh and think is there anyone else around LA that I have seen who's about to die? So many lifespans, names and faces I can't remember one at all. I curse at myself and write the names down "Believe Bridesmaid" right side up and "Quarter Queen" upside down. It makes no sense so instead I do this with the first letters.

Still nothing. Then it hits me. She was a child, try not capital letters for her. What do you get? "BB" and "bb" I curse and hit myself in the face, a face palm if you will. I really should tell them. For Nancy's sake.

But who would believe me? I have no evidence. The 'weak' little crazy girl who nobody really ever trusts. I frown after reading the evidence found at Quinn's apartment. I start to cry again and I delete the history and shut down the computer.

Rushing outside I brush my black hair behind my shoulders. I dyed my hair a while ago. Black hair with red bangs. I bump into a man on the street and prepare to get yelled at.

"Oh sorry I really must watch where I'm going." I apologize

"It's really no problem." The man shrugs, he has an English accent.

With a gasp I rip the hood away from his face and I am met with a pair of red eyes. It's B.

"You know miss that was quite rude." he frowns

"Cut the crap B" I growl

"How do you...? Nonie?!" he gasps

"Yes." I say through my teeth.

"Fuck I missed you." he hugs me.

I hug him back but when he pulls away I slap him.

"Ouch! What was that for?" B gasps

"For killing that sweet little girl" I hiss

"Her time was up." he shrugs

"Yeah well she was still a sweet little girl and I liked her." I slap him again.

"Stop that please. Okay I'm sorry? But I did her a favor. She would have died anyway, this way she didn't feel a thing" he says

"Oh my gosh B, your hand!" I gasp, looking at the blood dripping on the sidewalk.

"Yes this time that is my blood." he sighs

"We are not letting SJ see you like this. Come with me." I say and bring him with me down the street.

We finally arrive at my apartment and I take him into the bathroom.

"So you're eighteen for real now, yes? I bet L likes that." B rolls his eyes as I clean the deep cut on his hand

"Oh shut up and stop wiggling. It helps. What happened anyways?" I ask

"Some bitch with a knife tried to rob me." he sighs.

"You really should be careful. Stop killing people it's not too late. Nobody will ever know and you'll still win against L. Hes has no real proof." I scold

"You figured out my plan that quickly?" he asks.

"Most of it. I've known you my whole life B. Don't underestimate people, it will most likely be your undoing if you continue with this little game of yours." I sigh and bandage the cut

"At least I'm not killing random people." B pouts

"Shut up or I'll slap you. Ahh how the tables have turned. I'm fixing your wound and I'm mad at you. Oh the good old days before emotion got in the way. Does SJ know what you were doing tonight?" I ask

"No." he mutters

"Good. Is she asleep?" I ask

"Yes." B replies.

"Well you should get going now." I sigh

"She won't wake up until tomorrow, we have time." he says

"B, how do you kn-" I gasp when I see the rag in his pocket "I was wondering what smelled sweet! B how could you?" I growl and hit him lightly over the head with the first aid box.

"She wanted to come with me tonight and she wouldn't take no as an answer." he replies

"She'll find out you drugged her you dumbass!" I growl

"Oh you haven't changed a bit" he smirks.

After a lot of scolding on my part and a lot of laughing from B he decides to leave and tell me that he actually lives on the floor below me. Oh how convienient.

I sigh and look outside to see thstalky err standing in the park. I slip on my shoes and go downstairs. I give up, I need to know who this guy is.


	54. The Lonely Room

I rush to where the stalker is and look try to see his face.

"Who are you?" I whisper

"I am not allowed to tell you." He mutters

"Why?" I growl

"Against my orders, I'm sorry I'm not allowed its unfair for me to do so I know but I have to." he replies.

"Orders? Who do you work for?" I hiss.

I have a feelingko know who he is but it's more of a wish then a real guess. There is no way it could be him? ...could it?

"I can't say."

"Tell me or I shoot you. Either that or I rip that hood off!" I snarl

"If you knew you wouldn't shoot me ever." He replies

"If I knew I wouldn't have reason to shoot you." I growl.

"Good point. I still can't tell you, I'm sorry." they hang their head.

I've had enough. I rip the hood away and blonde hair falls infront of the person's face. I go to brush the hair from his eyes but he rushes off into the forest. I growl curse words to myself. I was so close to figuring it out.

Could it really be-? I push the thought away and rush across the street. I rush past the boy working there in the apartment and back up to my room. I want to go sit up on the roof but I decide not to.

I flop onto my bed, pull the covers to my chin and sleep.

* * *

I wake up with a bad feeling in my stomach I groan and tell myself it's not there. Soon it disappears like it was never there. I am angry so I turn on my iPod and pick one of my playlists with loud music on it.

The song that turns on relates to a relationship I'd rather not think about. The song is called 'I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace' I blast the music and start to sing along.

_Every time we lie awake After every hit we take Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet. Every roommate kept awake By every sigh and scream we make All the feelings that I get But I still don't miss you yet Only when I stop to think about it..._

_I hate everything about you! Why do I love you?_  
_I hate everything about you! Why do I love you?_

_Every time we lie awake After every hit we take_  
_Every feeling that I get, But I haven't missed you yet Only when I stop to think about it..._

_I hate everything about you! Why do I love you?_  
_I hate everything about you! Why do I love you?_

_Only when I stop to think about you, I know._  
_Only when you stop to think about me,do you know?..._

_I hate everything about you! Why do I love you?_  
_You hate everything about me! Why do you love me?_

_I hate,_  
_You hate,_  
_I hate,_  
_You, love me_

_I hate everything about you! Why do I love you?_

I finish singing the song and I am even more angry than before. He had to move here? To L.A? The same building? With SJ!? I'd be better off dead, he could be happy with SJ, L could be... I don't know happy with someone else? No. The thought of that literally caused me pain. Physical pain. Yes I definitely love him more.

"I wish I just died in the crash!" I scream and throw a glass at the floor.

I smirk as I watch the glass shatter on the floor with a loud cracking noise. I'll have to clean that up later. I have to do laundry. I grab a basket and take it down to the laundry room. I sit and play on my iPod, singing to my Japanese songs as I wait for my clothes.

I swear in French when I fall off of the chair I'm sitting on. Yes I speak French... Well some. I fall on my ass and I start to cry softly onto my hands, the fall didn't even hurt. I'm just so frustraighted.

"I'm too damn emotional!" I growl and kick the wall.

I start shouting curse words and finally my laundry is done. When I get back upstairs the glass is gone and Fear scolds me for being reckless.I shrug and start to listen to three days grace songs again.

I really want candy.. I sigh and take a handful from my drawer. When was the last time I ate candy? Oh well. I missed it.

I also missed my boyfriend I haven't talked to for two months. Damned criminals. Why can't the police just work harder? I sigh and lie on my bed.

"Well at least solving cases makes him happy" he shrugs

"I do wish that he acted like he cares.." I frown

"Yes I know but what good is that when he's not happy?" he asks me.

"Well I suppose you are right, but I still wish I could spend time-" I start.

"Nonie?" my Shinigami asks "There is nobody here." she frowns looking at the chair beside my bed.

I hug my knees to my chest and ask why she said that. She thought she heard me talking. I told her she was hearing things and asked to be alone. My eyes scan the chair and sure enough he is gone.

Oh well nobody would think I am sane after I told them I sometimes talk to my imaginary version of my brother. I cry again as I look at my lonely room around me.

_**Poor girl's gone mad T-T Thanks again to my friend Nukia for the help, even if you aren't trying you help me with ideas :) lol. Now review the other reviews are lonely xD**_

_**Look up the song I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace on YouTube. It's amazing! My favorite song and I think it describes Nonie and B's relationship almost perfectly.**_

_**Any guesses on who the stalker is? Besides Nukia (her original idea not mine) lol. Thanks for the support guys!Just a warning now ; this story goes on until around 2013 or something . But there will be timeskips. **_


	55. It was you?

**Rainnbowpanther9- well I suppose I have to tell them now -.- ending wrecker xD I wasstabbing that for the Kura case. :l thanks for the review thoughI... I guess? XD **

* * *

**August 13th 2002 Tuesday**

I grumble stuff to myself in the morning. I have stopped talking to imaginary A lately because Fear will think I am insane if I do. It's not even a ghost or anything, he is really not there. I just wish he was though. I close my eyes and lean against the counter remembering the days at Wammy's that I miss so badly.

_I shove my hands in my pockets as I walk beside my brother._

_"Ya know people are calling us twins now?" A asks_

_"Who?" I ask, looking up at him through my bangs as he eats toffee._

_"Everyone" he shrugs_

_"Why?" I wonder out loud_

_"Take a look at us, what are the similarities? Both are tall, blonde, skinny, emo... Shall I continue with my list?" A laughs_

_"No I think I get the picture... But you're a year older and we have different mothers.." I frown slightly._

_For the rest of that day I walked around with my brother. I don't really like being called twins but that is what we call each other now. I laugh angrily and sad at the same time, two months ago I didn't even have a sibling now I have a twin brother. It's funny how the world works._

I sigh and tell myself that everything is okay and wherever the hell you go when you die whether it be heaven hell or somewhere else A is in a good place. He is happy and free, But god damn it why did he have to kill himself!?

I let tears run down my cheeks because nobody is here to see. Yes my brother died when I was 12 and here I am at Eighteen still crying for him. The pain never went away... I just got used to the pain. Every once in a while though, it will come back. When it does sometimes I am singing or teaching or I just see something that reminds me of him.

I push the thoughts away and with a sigh I look back out over the city. Shining brighin against the night sky as if the whole town was made of pure light. I want to go walk around even though that's a horrible idea.

I have decided this neighborhood is not as nice as it claims. Hell on the floor beneath me lives a serial killer. I need to do laundry tomorrow. I go against my judgment and I walk outside. I stand against the wall in my black hooded sweater.

I rush to the stalker again when I see him. U demand to know who he is but once again he won't say. I take the hood off of his head again and ask for him to look at me. He says no he can't so I take his wrist.

"please" I whisper

He shakes his head.

I make an angry noise and brush the hair from his eyes. I gasp. I was right all along it is him. My brother, A.


	56. Alive

"You're... Alive?" I whisper

"I'm sorry" he hangs his head

"That's a good thing you idiot!" I cry and throw my arms around him.

"Why did you?" I sob

"I was depressed and I was offered a way out. I'm sorry I never said anything. I wasn't allowed. Damned panda." he growls

"He's going to get a lecture. I don't care I'm just happy you're alive!" I smile.

I sigh and I'm about to ask more questions when I look over to see SJ rush from the building. I glare when I see the man named Johnny walk up to her. I hear her begging and stuff. My hand flies to my gun.

"Just leave it let B handle this." A whispers

"I know this is for desperate measures. That man tried to do that to me. The gun's not even loaded" I shrug.

I watch the scene unfold and I hear SJ scream.

"I'm pregnant!" My vision flashes red.

I make an angery noise and dig my nails into the palms of my hands. Bitch! I curse in my head. I put my gun back and watch as B walks up. I watch with A as B is pushed to the ground by the man named Johnny.

"Stop it that tickles" B laughs.

After more fighting B pulls out a knife and slits Johnny's throat. Blood splatters everywhere and he falls to the ground. Dead.

"Well that solves that." I mutter.

There must be something wrong with me because A looks completely disgusted and I am calm about this. Acting like this is completely normal.

"Aren't you..?" A starts to ask

"Disturbed? Disgusted? No, that man's time was up." I shrug and start to walk away from the scene carefully as to not be seen by B or SJ.

I know what's going to happen next, don't ask how but I know. I hurry to my apartment and A follows me. I fling my Death Note onto my bed from my pocket.

"What is that?" A asks

"Nothing, just don't touch it." I mutter and flip through the pages.

Blank all blank. No names all blank, I've never killed a person. That's good though. I wonder why I haven't though.

"Why not." A frowns

"Just because you can't. I'm a bit mad at you and L at the moment. I missed you." I frown.

"What is it?" he asks

"A notebook. Go ahead but it might scare you" I sigh and hold it out to him.

"I'm good." A mutters.

"What have you been doing?" I ask

"Working for the panda. You know hacking and stuff" he shrugs

"Really now?" I say through my teeth.

"He doesn't know I am following you." A sighs

"Well then." I growl

"Oh looks like the panda is endangered." A smirks.

"I missed you." I chuckle.

"I know I missed you too." he smiles.

After s while A goes home and I am left alone to my thoughts. With a smile on my face I go to bed. My brother is alive, my smile dissappears. L kept this from me for years.. should I really trust him? I fall asleep, wishing my best friend would just stop killing people. Wishing I didn't love him.

_**New chapter coming soon sorry with being late I'm in Edmonton visiting cousins. Yeah the ones mentioned in the first chapter ;) I might be late on my next update. We are almost done with this story. Don't worry I'm not done (as if you were worrying I bet you're thinking Phantom just end it already! D:) lol bye I'll update soon :P**_


	57. And Then All The Pieces Fit

I walk down the street and lean against a wall, I'm so bored . I hear my phone ring. A fancy picture of a letter R appears on my screen and I answer.

"Hello?" I ask even though I know who it is

"Hello how's it going?" L asks me

"Good. Guess who I saw yestrday." I say through my teeth

"Who...?" he asks.

"My brother A" I growl

"..." Silence on the other end

"Yeah we need to talk. In person later I will call you. I am extremely unhappy. Goodbye." I hang up.

I cross my arms and sulk after putting away my phone. When I look up I see a young man around my age dressed like L. Though it is obviously not him. The only other person it could be is... I dial the number 13 on my fake blood splattered iPhone. Sure enough the man's phone rings and he answers it.

"Hey Nonie whatcha doin'?" he asks me

"Oh just looking at some weirdo on the street." I growl, putting my phone away.

"You have issues!" I shout, glad nobody else is on the street.

"You are just mad because I am impersonating your boyfriend!" B smirks

"Shut up I am not." I growl

"There is a 90% chance you are lying" he mutters with his thumb on his lips.

"Cut it out B it's not funny." I frown "You need to stop this now, first the murders and now this? You are going to get caught. If not I'll tell him I know and I'll get proof."

"It's all part of my plan so shush. You wouldn't do that to me, admit it you like SJ now you wouldn't hurt us like that." he glares.

"Oh yeah I hear she's pregnant!" I snarl

"How did you...?" he begins to ask.

I stay silent and begin to walk away angrily only to be puled back by my wrist to see him again. He has taken out the contact lenses and I am met with a pair of deep red eyes.

"Don't touch me." I smack his hand

"Please just listen" he begs

"Are you bipolar?" I glare.

B shrugs and I sigh "You have five minutes."

"You shouldn't be jealous, you know I love you too. Plus you have a boyfriend who you love very much, we both know you love him more than me. We both had our chances and we blew it. We both need to move on, god knows I haven't yet. Plus you'll have a family some day." B glances at my stomach.

I glare and think about slapping him, I shouldn't. I just walk away cursing to myself. The last part was meant as an insult and I know it. He called me pregnant in his own messed up way. Implying I'm fat. I have a baggy sweater on, he can't see my stomach though can he? No. Plus I am not pregnant if I were I'd be like... hmm at very least 3 months pregnant. Therefore I would know.

I walk to my apartment quickly, knowing B is behind me. I slam my door and lock it. With a sigh I pull out my black and red cell phone and dial 1. L.

"Hello?" he asks

"Hey, you should come over now." I sigh

"Alright." he replies

"Bye."

"Goodbye" he hangs up.

After a while I hear a knock at the door. I walk up to get it. Putting the chain up I look outside, of course it is L and I open the door completely. Some people used to get B and L mixed up but if you look they are quite different. Beyond's hair is a lot less messy and he looks less pale. Their eyes are different colors and L's eyes are bigger. B has lighter circles under his eyes and B looks taller.

"I am very mad at you" I sigh

"I'm sorry it was just-" L starts

"No, I didn't ask you. I'm not done scolding you yet." I smirk.

"I cried about him for years! You know that and that's one of the reasons I like B so much. He helped me through that where as you just said you were sorry. I know why now but don't you think...? God, You could have at least tried. I can't believe you! There now explain." I sigh

"I did that because A needed a way out, he said the pressure was too much for him so I offered him a way out. To make sure he would be safe he was asked to tell no one that he was still alive. I'm so sorry I should have let him tell you." L sighs

"I guess I forgive you but I'm still mad." I frown.

"Good." He smiles

"So you're working on this Wara Ningyo case here in LA right?" I ask

"Yes why?" he asks

"You should stay here, I miss you" I smile.

So that is now the plan for a while. L ives with me temporarily. I wish that I could spend more time with him but I'll take what I can get. Really though how often do I get to see my own boyfriend? Like once a month twice in January and October but other than that once a month. I know he'll be working and stuff but it will still be good to see him around. There are pros and cons to the situation but it's still good to see him.

I know what's going on in the case too, a Woman named Naomi Misora is working on the case as of today. She met a man named Rue Ryuuzaki at the crime scene. He's apparently a dectective investigating all of the cases. I asked for a description.

Messy black hair, white shirt with long sleeves and blue jeans, baggy clothes, black eyes and sharp bags under his eyes. There are two people in this world that could be. One is investigating the murders. The other is my best friend.

I bite my lip and look at the floor. I tell L all of the information I have. I didn't have the crossword, I had already given it to him.

"I still can't believe you hacked FBI files and didn't get caught. Good job" L smiles

"Thank you" I blush.

I have to admit having the smartest person you know tell you that you have done a good job is a good feeling. It makes you feel a bit proud even.

I just went back to chewing on the straw of my drink while playing video games. One more murder.. but who will it be?

"Hey can I see the pictures of the crime scenes?" I ask innocently

"Sure, here" L mutters and slides the papers across the desk.

I stare at all the pictures for a good half hour. It takes me a long time to realize that the Wara Ningyo dolls and the door knobs are all at the same height around the room. Waist high. Seemingly meaningless details but I realize that it is to lock the door. Meaning the dolls are just distractions. They are there so you don't realize that the nails are really the answer to the case. The nails.. string around the nails attatched to the lock... pull it from underneath the door and the lock will turn. B is counting down to the last murder.

Only this trick only works with at least 2 nails. Meaning the last murder isn't a murder but a suicide.


	58. Phantom

I hang my head and shut my mouth. I can't say it. I can't even believe I figured it out. Should I say something? Yes, I open my mouth but the words won't form so I just shut up. I go and start writing notes down in one of the journals Fear makes me keep. God knows why she makes me keep them, she makes me do a lot of things without reason. I can't drink or smoke, it's not like I want to but I'm just not allowed.

I can't do anything outside unless she goes with me or I take my gun. Lately she's been more protective. Possibly because lately I've gotten worse. I talk to... whatever I should call her more often and I find myself writing things that make no sense. I write in codes too. Why? You ask. I do not know. With a loud sigh I close the book and wonder what is wrong with me.

_"Many many things my dear"_ she smirks

"Shut up." I mutter

_"No."_ she replies with a glare

"Who are you anyways?" I whisper

_"Call me Phantom, I'm your bad side"_ She grins.

"You aren't there" I shrug and walk to the kitchen

_"Oh yes I am, I'm very real. I'm your nightmares, your fears. All that good stuff"_ Phantom laughs

"I don't wanna hear it" I think to her.

_"Well that's too bad, I'm going to keep talking to you until the day your life ends, which by the way I can see. You don't have very long"_ she mutters and then disappears.

I don't have very long? What is that supposed to mean! Was that a threat from myself? What the hell! I'll just ignore that, I mean c'mon I can't see my own lifespan. I decide I'll draw her then, just to take my mind off of what she had said. With a sigh I take out my sketch book and start to draw.

Long blood red hair, red eyes, skull shirt, jean jacket, fishnet leggings underneath a black skirt that only falls to her knees. Black lace up boots and a smile that just looks evil. I don't like her. My bad side. She is really just me but a bit more evil. She tries to convince me to do bad things. She is the devil on my shoulder but I don't have an angel.

I am definately going crazy. There is no doubt. I decide I'm just going to have to live with my insanity and all of that and move on, I hate B for what he is doing I hate everything about him. There is nothing good about that boy and I hate him. I can't help it.

_"I. Hate. Everything about you! Why do I Love you?" _Phantom sings as she sits on the counter.

"I'd slap you if I could" I growl.


	59. Terrible Person

_**Sorry for all the time skips... it's just so you can see the important part of the story xD all of that was stalling while I figured it out :P The most important parts of the story and my per4sonal favorites are in Japan. This was orrigninally a strictly LxOC that took place in Japan with an auburn haired girl named Samantha with her brother Mike who was killed by Kira. A lot different than what it is now huh? anyhow;**_

_**Roxas Lawliet- (love the name by the way) Thanks that means a lot :D Don't worry in Japan she's with L all the time and he's in character ^_^ Awe thank you for saying you like my OC, it's good to hear that after a review I got a while back saying she was unlikable.**_

_**Kashagal and Natures Ruler- Yeah it would be creepy to have Phantom follow you around huh? :S She's basically Nonie just dresses like a goth girl and keeps knives in her pockets :S**_

_**Nukia- Woo hoo Team Panda xD**_

_**Sync94- Awe don't you know me by now? lol**_

* * *

**August 22 2002**

My phone rang, L had gone somewhere and he didn't tell me where. I didn't really care, he is his own person I'm not some overly attached psycho who needs to know everything. Anyways, I pick up my phone and answer it. Of course, It's L.

"Hey" I say

"Hello... I have bad news" L sighs

"... Um. What?" I ask quietly

"Beyond Birthday is in the hospital." he replies.

What happened? A million questions buzz through my mind at the same time. I brush them all away and go with the first one.

"What happened?" I whisper

"He tried to burn himself to death" L mutters.

Why? I start to cry and then realize I haven't hung up.

"Which hospital?" my voice cracks

"I don't think you should" he starts

"Just tell me which hospital!" I growl.

Now I find myself in the hall with L, trying to convince the guards to let me in. Not really guards but police officers who act as guards. I want to curse and scream at them but I know I really shouldn't.

"Just let her in." L groans and leans against a wall

"Are you sure?" the man asks

"You have asked me that multiple times yes I am sure." he sighs

"Alright fine." one says finally.

"Thank you." I look at the floor and act innocent like I was told to.

We walk in and I prepared myself for the worst. It wasn't as bad as I had expected, only half of his face was burnt. I still cried silently though. I can see his name but not his life span.

_"Tick Tock Tick Tock. Time is running out. Tick Tock goes his clock as time slips away." _Phantom sings with a smirk on her face.

"Can I have a second please?" I whisper

"Sure I'll be in the hall if you need me." L sighs.

I meant her but okay that works too. I look at my friend, groaning in pain on the hospital bed. Phantom grabs the report that says what's wrong with him.

_"Hmm.. wow this boy's bad. Tsk Tsk. He tried to burn himself to death. Half of his body is burnt badly 1st degree on some of his right leg. Oh and the entire left half of his body is burnt with 3rd degree burns. Ouch oh and his lungs ar full of smoke"_ She says cheerfully, I ignore her.

"I told you not to do it." I growl quietly

"I guess.." cough "you are mad?" cough

"Yes of course I am mad. B how could you be so selfish?" I whisper.

"I failed" he coughs

"I guess you won't remember this conversation in the morning then will you?" I sigh and wipe the tears away.

I just get a cough as my answer.

"Well then I suppose I should tell you that _I am over you_. Especially because of what you did to SJ and what's the kid's name? You told me it was Eva. _You are a selfish murderer and that is all you are._ You may still be my best friend but _I am over you_. You have a family and I think _you are a terrible person_." I hang my head.

Phantom claps for me with a smirk on her face.

_"Awe good job you finally did it, I think you did a good job. I'm staying though you can't get rid of me." _She says.

I guess I can live with that, I think to her. I take one last glance at my best friend unconcious on the bed. I sigh and open the door. I tell them I would just like to leave. I walk down the street with my Shinigami. Hiding in my hoody and checking behind me a lot. I feel like I am being followed but I brush it off as nothing.

* * *

Today I am visiting B again, today he is screaming in pain instead of just groans. He calls for SJ, Eva and Me multiple times. I failed is said a lot as well. I am angry today but I hold back.

A is sad about what his best friend did as well. He tells me he should go tell SJ what happened tomorrow. I feel bad for that girl. I tell B things like I think he's incredibly selfish and stuff.

"How did you feel when you thought A killed himself? Think of that times ten and that is how SJ is going to feel." I snarl

"I'm..." cough "sorry"

I walk out at that point, I just don't want to hear it.

_"I swear I never meant to let it die I just don't care about you any more. It's not fair when you say that I didn't try I just don't wanna hear it anymore" _Phantom giggles.

I ignore her and keep walking down the street, I'll visit him again tomorrow. Who knows what my feelings will be then. I guess I am a bit harsh, I mean c'mon the guy is in the hospital. Really though? How the hell can you do that to your family? It's just not fair to SJ or his little girl especially not the little girl. If she grew up without a dad she could end up like me. Messed up and going insane. Why do I care? Well I guess I'm not sure.

* * *

I hold my knees to my chest and cry. Apparently today I am sad about him trying to kill himself. How could he do something so horrible? Oh right he's Beyond Birthday the man behing the LA Serial Locked Room Killings/Wara Ningyo Murders/ LA BB Murder Cases. He killed a 13 year old girl. Quinn. I miss Quinn and her mother still cries for her.

She calls me in the middle of the night and cries for her. I tell her it's all okay and sometimes she comes over to speak with me. We both miss Quinn, my best student, her daughter, above all a completely innocent little girl with a sweet smile. Killed with some blunt object at the hands of my so-called best friend.

"Why did you do it?" I whisper when I get a chance to say something.

"You idiot!" I say weakly.

He coughs and groans as his eyes open. He was asleep before when the cops were asking questions. They had left and now it was just me L and B in the room.

"Oh my god are you okay?" I ask him

"Yeah they gave me pain medication I can't feel a thing" B replies weakly.

"That's good" I smile and then slap him as hard as I can across the face.

"Did you feel that?!" I ask

"What the hell was that for!" Beyond shouts

"You made your girlfriend- no your fiancée- cry! You worried me sick and you planned to leave your baby alone without a dad? Of all the stupid things! Beyond Birthday I-" I shut my mouth as the door opened.

L walks out and starts to talk to someone in the hallway I hear my brother and SJ. I growl a curse word and sneak out. I rush down the street back to the apartment, thanking L silently that he gave me a chance to escape.


	60. Funny Feelings

_**LOL! 69 Reviews xD... sorry AHEM! Alright so here's another timeskip by the way every line in the last chapter meant a different day xD sorry if that was confusing. the next two chapters will have time skips, the next one is only like a few months or so and the next is about four years. Although I might just do the four year one instead. okay no timeskip in the next chapter right away but you will have one in the next chapter at least. I hope you like my cliffhangars ;) lol sorry for the really short chapter but I needed you to know this at least, It's like an authors note chapter but not really it's still part of the story. Just so you know, now read it :l**_

* * *

**January 15 2003**

With a sigh I walked to the hospital with my Shinigami, I wasn't feeling well lately. I didn't know why, apparently Fear did but she wouldn't tell me at all. I mutter curse words and wait in the waiting room with some murder book. I couldn't remember the name but it had graphic descriptions so it kept my attention. The cover was also my favorite color; blood red. Beautiful.

"The doctor is ready to see you now" The nurse smiled

"Thank you" I reply and walk to the office.

I hate hospitals, having lived in one for the worst few weeks of my life just so they could monitor if I was going crazy or not. I suppose I should have been put in a mental hospital instead but oh well. I like my freedom much more than being locked up with other people like me.

"Alright just sit down and tell me what is wrong" the doctor says cheerfully

"Well.. my stomach just... feels funny." I shrug

"Funny how?" He asks

"Just... weird" I frown.

He tells me to lie down on the bed so I do. I stare at the ceiling and he tells me he's going to give me an ultrasound. I really don't like the idea of that but I agree. I can't be pregnant though. I am still my normal weight, no cravings, none of the morning sickness stuff or that. What in the world could it be?

"Well I have some news for you, it may be shocking but.." the doctor is stalling

"Just get on with it what is wrong with me? I don't have cancer do I?" I frown

"No. It's just strange..." The doctor mutters

"Just spit it out!" I groan.

"You are 8 and a half months pregnant." He smiles.


	61. Blaze

_**Sorry for all the time skips... it's just so you can see the important part of the story xD **_

_**Nukia- Thank you, you always support me :) Team Panda! xD**_

_**Illusa- Yes. When two people.. xD I'm not explaining that lol yes yes they did lets just say that. Have you ever watched I didn't know I was pregnant? The show is probably completely fake but yes not knowing is possible. What do you mean already? I hinted that they did when they still lived at Wammy's when L was 17 (sorry if I wasn't clear on that.)**_

* * *

"Congratulations!" He smiles "But the strange thing is you haven't gained any weight... yet the baby is perfectly healthy" the doctor mutters.

"Mother F****R!" I shout.

"Sorry, I'm just... erm supprised." I sigh

"Would you like to know if it is a boy or a girl or do you want to get surprised?" The dotor asked

"Screw surprises I just found out I am pregnant!" I sigh

"Alright, it is a boy" he smiles.

As soon as he said that when I looked down I saw the name Blaze Lawliet appear above my stomach. I heard from B that babies picked their own names before they are born, but you can only see your child's name nobody elses'. He also told me he could see his daughter's life span. I can't though. I keep staring and trying to see the numbers but they don't appear. Is that bad?

_"Hahaha so you regret it?" _Phantom smirks

I shake my head.

_"Just so you know I can see his lifespan but I will never tell you that" _She laughs _"Just so you don't freak out on me, He's got a long time so don't worry yourself." _She shrugs.

At those words I relax. How the hell did this happen?

* * *

**March 25th 2004**

"Happy birthday" I smile and scoop Blaze up out of his crib.

He answered me with a huge grin. Honestly it makes me sad how he reminds me of B, red eyes, dark hair.. Really it's because he got my eyes and A weird mess of hair colors. little bits of Red and dark brown but mostly Black. If you don't look closely it's just black hair. He can say some sentences and he can walk, I'm proud of him because he's really smart. No I am not one of those mother's who goes around like 'My kid is the greatest and he's going to be a doctor when he grows up. He's so smart blah blah blah.' God I hate women like that.

"So what's new with Eva?" I ask SJ

"Oh nothing much, she can walk and talk now though" SJ smiles

"That's amazing" I smile at the little girl in her arms.

"Hey Blaze" A smirks "Was it on purpose that you named him something that started with that letter?" He asks

"No, He picked it not me. My eyes remember? So you visit him lately?" I ask SJ.

"Yeah, Eva was happy to see her dad" SJ sighs

I put blaze down and tell him to make uncle A play with his lego. SJ tells Eva to go play too.

"I can't believe him. How can someone do that?" She cries

"Oh come here, he's okay now. At least he's still alive and your baby girl is healthy." I hug her.

When she calms down we watch the children play with lego. I laugh when A starts to look like he's enjoying playing with Lego. Fear isn't here today. I am not sure where she flies off to but she said she would be busy today. I realize now that Fear is like my mother, making sure I don't do anything stupid or dangerous. Above all making sure that I don't die. She knows about Blaze's eyes so she makes sure he doesn't see her yet.

"How many children do you have SJ?" I laugh

"I'm not sure at times" she bites her bottom lip.

A sticks his tongue out at us and makes a stupid face.

"You just proved my point" I laugh.

Someone knocks on the door. Of course it's L, A dislikes him very much. Honestly his jokes are funny but.. I can't really say it now can I? A would flip if he knew. I sigh and tell him not to mention anything about B and to be nice. I make him promise before I left him in.

"If you make her upset, I swear to god.." I sigh.

"Daddy!" Blaze smiles

"Awe how cute, the panda and the cub reunited" A rolls his eyes.

"Oh shut up and be nice." I groan

"Sorry I am late." L says as Blaze hugs him

"Well this is a side I've never seen before." A has a confused look on his face.

I just ignore my brother and talk to SJ some more. When A walks up I curse myself for agreeing to something I shouldn't have. Well not that... I don't mean it that way. I just...

_"He's gonna notice it." _Phantom shrugs from her spot on the counter.

A joins us in the kitchen and we watch the kids play together.

"So your kid and your kid?... you should get them together. Just think of the cute little Panda cubs they'd have" A laughs.

I reach over and smack him on the back of the head.

"Don't make fun of my kid." I say in a bored voice.

A grabs my wrist before I take my hand away. Before I realize that I slapped him with my left hand he notices.

"Why do you have a ring?" he asks angrily.

_SHIT!_

**_The remark that earned A a slap was Nukia's idea. Thank you again :) lol._**


	62. My Son is Strange

_**Nukia- yup a ring, told ya it answered your question ;) Of course, A never runs out of panda jokes. If he does I'll just ask you xD**_

* * *

"It was my grandmas" I lie.

I knew I shouldn't have agreed to wear it. I said yes to the um... question and I don't regret that but... A's gonna flip.

"Liar." he growls

"Okay I'm caught, dad" I roll my eyes

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" A growls

"Because this would still be your reaction" I frown.

Blaze and Eva are looking at A now and he sighs and decides he can't have his freakout at the moment. You can tell he is angry though. He's definately going to be the brother-in-law from hell though. He really doesn't like L.

"Think of it as a good thing" I shrug

"And why is that?" he says through his teeth

"I can't think of a reason." I sigh.

"Well congratulations! Family drama though I'll be back" SJ sighs and goes to play with Eva.

I look at Eva hugging the doll that she keeps that looks like B, poor baby doesn't really see her dad very often. I sigh and look at my brother who is still furious.

"If you ever hurt my sis-" he starts

"Oh shut up, is this really nessasary?" I sigh.

A says nothing.

"Didn't think so." I frown.

"Mommy?" Blaze tugs on my shirt sleeve

"Yes?" I smile

"I want up." Blaze smiles.

I pick him up off the floor and hold him. I see what he's doing, maybe it's on purpose maybe not but he's making it so I don't fight with A.

"Uncle Aiden?" Blaze frowns

"What?" A smiles at him

"I'm not a panda." Blaze frowns.

I laugh at the face A makes, just complete shock. I smile at Blaze and tell him he did a job.

"Thank you" he smiles.

* * *

**September 26 2006 **

"Mommy?" Blaze asks me

"Yes" I reply as I try to figure out how to cook.

Apparently I didn't get the cooking gene from my mother. I suck at cooking but Blaze pretends to like it. I guess he's just trying to make me feel better. He still asks where I go every Monday, I can't tell him I visit my serial killer best friend.

"When can we see Eva and SJ?" he asks

"Maybe tomorrow sweetie, they're probably having dinner with Uncle A or something." I sigh

"But... Her numbers are almost gone" Blaze whispers.

"I know baby, it's okay." I sniffle.

Poor Eva. I sigh and keep chopping up carrots, salad is the only thing I ever make properly.

"What happens when the numbers are gone?" Blaze asks as he paints at the table.

"That's when you go to a safe place where you are safe from all the mean people in reality." I hang my head and continue chopping vegetables.

I doubt he's telling the truth. I never am able to prepare myself for people's death. I never truely cry over people until it's confirmed. To this day I don't know how in the world my brother's lifespan fell to the floor in pieces yet he's still alive.

It just makes me question my eyes. Maybe SJ will live too right?

_"She won't live you know. She's as good as dead, let's just hope she suffers. It would make stuff interesting" _Phantom smirks.

I don't like you around my son. I snarl in my head.

_"Awe. Too bad for you then" _She says in a voice that is meant to mock me.

She takes a knife from her pocket and hurls it at him, she has pulled this before. I glare at her until she stops and decides to cut the number 13 into the counter over and over.

How is it making the patterns? I wonder.

_"It only causes damage if I want it to"_ Phantom smirks.

You are not real, get back in my head. She listens to me and I just try to carry on through the day without crying. Everything is normal, there is nothing bad going on. I'll have to visit B tomorrow or something.

"Mommy can we listen to that song again?" Blaze asks me

"I don't know how you got into my music. Sure thing" I frown.

Bodies by Drowning Pool is my son's favorite song, I worry about him. It's basically a song about someone going crazy and killing a bunch of people.

My son is strange.


	63. Bad News

I didn't even want to look at the phone today. But one ring of the phone made me panic. It was about 5:30am when I got a call from A. I didn't want to pick it up but if I didn't it would wake up Blaze. It was bad enough I couldn't sleep but it wouldn't be fair to wake him up too.

"Hello?" I ask

"Hi.. I'm not sure how I can say this but.. SJ died" A whispers

"No..." I whisper and tears start to run down my cheeks "Is Eva okay?" I try to pull myself together.

"Yes Eva is fine" A replies.

That poor little girl, she really doesn't have parents now. Dammit B why did you have to do it? Selfish. Just selfish.

"What happened?" I whisper, not wanting to wake up Blaze.

"We don't know yet. Eva found her when she woke up." he sighs

"Do you want me to come over or anything?" I frown

"No it's okay just get some sleep I'll call you later okay?" A hangs up.

How do you expect me to sleep after telling me my best friend just died? I sigh and try to calm myself down. Of course this is when Phantom decides to show her face.

"Where have you been?" I frown

_"Just checking out SJ and everything." _Phantom shrugs _"Pitty, it was natural causes that took her. No suffering. It was so boring" _She frowns.

"You need to go away and never come back okay? I learned my lesson, I am too mean. I'll be nicer Okay? You are not real and you never were. You need to leave" I growl.

With that she leaves and I tell herobot to come back. With as sigh fast down infront of the TV and scan the news for criminals. Nothing interesting really just a few robberies. Nothing the police haven't solved yet.

I decided that I really didn't like all the stuff I was doing before. My job now was just to solve crimes, I really did it out of boredom. It was also good to know that you were helping people.

L wouldn't let me at first until he tested me a couple of times. He decided I'd be okay. One of these dumb tests was when he put three pictures in front of me of the suspects for a crime that had already been solved a long time ago. They each had a description and he asked which one was the killer.

I got it right. I only ever try to solve murders because they are all I can solve because I think kind of like a killer. I can't really solve anything else. So unlike L I can not solve any case. Just murders.

* * *

-Later-

Eva was clinging to A and crying. I frowned as I looked at her, she was so sad. I can't help but feel bad for her, especially now that SJ is dead. God help her, she's stuck with my brother as a guardian. Don't get me wrong I lovey brother and all but he's hopeless. Blaze frowns and watches Eva.

"Eva pops can you sit here for a second? I need to talk with just adults." A whispers.

Eva bites her lip and nods slightly. I set Blaze down at the table with Eva and walk into the other room with A.

"It's okay, your mum is safe now. She's in a happy place." Blaze hugs her.

I smile and keep walking. A frowns and looks at the floor.

"So what happened to her?" I whisper

"Natural causes. She just.. Fell asleep and didn't wake up." A frowns.

"What's going to happen with Eva now?" I sigh

"I'm her guardian." A shrugs

"Is she... Okay?" I ask.

"Yeah she's mourning normally and everything." A looks up at me and he's crying.

"Oh come here." I frown.

I hug my brother and tell him not to cry.

"It's all gonna be okay." I whisper.

I just stand there and hug A. With a sigh I let him go and wipe his tears away with my sleeve.

"As much as I hate to say it I am your sister and I love you. I don't like to see you sad." I frown.

"Awe you love your older brother." A smirks and hugs me

"We must never speak of this" I say seriously as I hug him.

He just laughs at me. Yes I'll admit it now, I love my brother very much and I hate seeing him upset. I missed him and he is the only sibling I have. I will also admit that I cared about SJ. No matter how much her personality was annoying to me. I just don't like people who are always smiling. I still cared though. I feel terrible for her little girl.

I peeked into the other room and giggled a bit when I saw Blaze giving Eva a hug. I walked in after though. Fear appeared beside me and she avoided the kids.

"Eva can see me too." Fear shrugs

Hmm... So she has eyes like her father? How interesting. I sit down and A sits beside me.

"Have you figured out that I have the... Special eyes as well yet?" I ask my brother

"Yes and I take it Blaze has them too?" He asks

"Yeah." I frown.

"He looks a hell of a lot like B, if I didn't know better I'd think you cheated." A jokes

"I would never do that. Please never say he looks like B." I frown "Haven't you said that before?"

"Maybe" A shrugs "I know you wouldn't. B would though" he mutters

"No he loved SJ too much to do that" I shrug.

"B is really impulsive. Believe me he would" I just roll my eyes at his statement.

A tells me when SJ's funeral is and we leave because Blaze says he's tired. To be honest so am I. I pick Blaze up from the ground after he says goodbye to Eva. He gives her a hug and tells her not to be sad.

I walk with him out to the hallway, he likes to be carried because he says he feels tall. I laughed when he told me that. He makes me stop after A closes the door.

"Does Uncle A like me?" Blaze frowns

"Of course he does, why do you ask?" I ask

"I just don't think he does" Blaze frowns again.

"Don't worry Uncle A loves you" I smile and we walk back home.

I try not to look at Fear as she flies above us on the short walk home. Maybe one day I'll explain what a Shinigami is.


	64. Always

_**Thanks for all the great reviews! :)**_** _and Follows/favorites I always smile when I see them :P Lol I have seemed to mess up her age, she is two years younger than L meaning in this chapter she is... 23 though she should be (by my math (I suck at math)) 25. L is 24 going on 25. Blaze is 4 , A is 24, SJ was 24 and Eva is 4. I must remind you that Eva and SJ are characters that Belong to Nukia. Her Story Beyond this love is awesome and you should go read it now._**

I sat on the window and looked out at the town lit up against the night sky. Fear sits beside me and watches the cars go by on the street. I should go visit B today, I just wonder who would watch Blaze?

Certainly not Fear, I still don't want to explain what she is and why she follows me. Usually if you have a Death Note explaining to someone the basic reasons why you have a Shinigami following you everywhere -that is if you wanted to explain - is easy. Not really for me though, Blaze is the type to ask questions. He's just curious but I'd end up having to explain the whole story to him.

Which involves a very long story. Involving Fear's story, my story and the reason that Fear isn't human anymore. Let's just say that it isn't something I want to live through explaining.

"Mommy? What are you doing?" Blaze asks

"Nothing, just looking at the city." I smile

"What if you fall?" he frowns.

"The window doesn't open." I shrug

"That's good" He replies.

I tried to get off the window but my foot got caught in the sink and I fell on my face. I pull myself up off the ground and laugh.

"You jinxed me you little monkey" I smirk

"Sorry" Blaze frowns

"Hmm... I guess I will just have to... Tickle you!" I laugh and start to tickle him.

"Quit it!" he giggles

"Alright." I sigh

"Why did you say you thought Uncle A didn't like you yesterday?" I frown and sit with him on the couch.

"Because he makes fun of me." Blaze frowns

"Awe don't worry about that." I laugh "He still loves you, that's just how he is. I slap him -which by the way is wrong and you shouldn't do it- but he knows I still care" I shrug.

Blaze says okay and takes out his sketch book that I had given him. He takes out a red pen and starts to draw blood splatters across the page. I frown as I look at it without him knowing.

"What are you drawing?" I ask even though I think I know what it is.

"The color red... It's just really pretty" he shrugs.

Oh.. At least that isn't as bad. I still worry about him though. I try to focus the numbers above his head, I catch a glimpse of them but they quickly disappear. I can see anyone's lifespan if I try as long as they do not have a death note.

"Mommy?" Blaze asks

"Why can I see the weird numbers and names?" he frowns, putting down the pen

"Well... You see your eyes are special. You can see them because a Shinigami gave them to you. A friend told me that every time a Shinigami dies a human is given the eyes. Not many people have them." I smile

"What do the numbers mean?" Blaze asks

"I'll tell you when you are older" I frown.

"They mean death don't they?" he frowns

"Yes." I sigh

"Oh.. What if I know somebody who's numbers are going away?" he asks.

"Then you should tell me" I reply

"Daddy's numbers aren't going to be there much longer." Blaze looks at the floor

"I know sweetie" I hug him "It'll be okay" I whisper.

He nods and goes to draw again. I watch him draw dragons and then I walk over to where my sketch book has things like butterflies, demons and blood mixed in on the same page. I guess he could be worse.

"I am going to go to sleep now." Blaze hugs me

"Alright" I reply.

I tuck him into bed and walk over to the window again. It doesnt feel the same. Of course it wouldn't but it just feels strange. When I was 11 I would have never thought I would end up like this; married, a mother, a serial killer as a best friend, a brother, living in LA, Able to predict people's death... It's strange.

A lot can happen in a few years.

* * *

-Later-

Nancy agreed to babysit for me for a few hours. I told her I had to go visit a friend, which was true. I can't just say that I am going to visit the man who killed her little girl. Yes I was going to go visit B again, I don't even know why I do anymore. There is no point in it.

"Alright you know the drill" the guard frowns

"Just try not to be a perv this time" I smirk making it seem like a joke.

I hate getting searched because this man is such a pervert about it.

"You have-" he starts

"I know, I know. One hour blah blah blah. You tell me every time" I roll my eyes and wait.

I resist my urge to glare at B when he walks in.

"Hi Backup" I say through my teeth

"Oh don't be like that." he sighs sadly.

"How is my little girl doing?" he frowns

"She is okay you should know you see her every week. I miss SJ and so does she. I really still am mad at you for what you did." I frown

"Well that is good. I miss her too.." B looks at the floor.

"You should be ashamed and I hope you know she did not forgive you, she cried about you the day before she died." I glare

"I don't want to hear it! Are you bipolar?" he glares back.

I stick my tongue out at him, too angry to answer and too angry to think of anything else.

"Weren't you jealous of her? Don't you still like me?" he asks, clearly trying to bring out some emotion other than anger.

"Don't be silly that is childish" I cross my arms

"Says the girl who just stuck her tongue out at me" Beyond rolls his eyes.

I stare at him for a second when I notice something in his eyes.

"By the way Eva gets along great with Blaze." I smirk

"Who?" B asks

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Blaze is my son. He is four." I say, the smirk still apparent.

Anger flashes in his eyes and his nails dig into his palms. He is clearly furious.

"I knew it." I laugh cruelly

"Knew what?" he snaps

"You still have feelings for me" I shrug.

"That is a lie." He frowns

"Alright, If you say so" I roll my eyes.

He looks at the floor and tries to gather his emotions.

"I am sorry... I shouldn't have... After SJ" I can't seem to finish my sentence

"It's okay." He sighs as he tries to hide thI tears in his eyes.

"No it is not. Although I am furious with you I still have a heart and I don't want to make my best friend cry." I wipe the tears away with my sleeve

"You still count me as you best friend huh? After all the bad things I did to you, to SJ and Eva... You still care. You must be crazy." he frowns when he mentions SJ and Eva, clearly his heart is breaking over SJ's death.

"Always, if being your friend is crazy... Call me insane" I sigh.


	65. Argument

_**Okay so yes the last chapter was a bit sloppy but here are my last few chapters until Japan: (Note: I skipped ahead a few days)**_

_**Nukia- Well at least you have another awesome story to write ^_^ It's no problem I would have mentioned you earlier but then some people may have gone and read BTL ahead of finishing this. I just didn't want them to know what happened in my story yet. Where as if they read Beyond This Love now it won't spoil anything here, I have to apologize though because I spoiled a couple things in BTL for those who didn't read it yet. **_

_**For those who didn't read BTL (Beyond This Love by Nukia) You really should now. But I advise you don't read Eva Birthday just yet.. But you should at some point. Wow this is a long A/N I should end it now xD**_

* * *

I knocked on A's door with a sigh. He opened it after and smiled.

"Hey sis hey Blaze" He smiles

"Good boy" I smirk and pat my brother on the head

"Does that mean you'll buy me toffee?" he raises an eyebrow

"If you knock it off with the panda jokes about Blaze for at least a week" I reply.

"Can I still make fun of L?" A asks

"Of course" I shrug

"Alright deal. You sure you should be bringing him with you..?" A frowns and gestures to Blaze.

"Of course not, his usual babysitter is at work" I sigh

"Fine, just take care of Eva today while I'm at work" A replies

"Oh please, I would never hurt Eva, nor would I let anyone else hurt her." I frown.

We left to go visit Eva's father. I honestly do not trust that man anymore. I suppose I never truely did trust him completely. I just don't trust him around my son, especially considering Blaze is also L's son. I trust him with Eva only because that is his daughter and I can tell he loves her to pieces. Still I only barely trust him.

I glare at the guard when he searches me, such a creepy old man. He reminds me of Roger. Eva wanted to jump into her dad's arms but as always she had to wait until his hand cuffs were off.

Blaze hid behind my back as I had told him to do. Beyond hugged Eva and I smiled because it was good to see Eva happy.

"How are you my little Eva?" B smiles

"Good, but I miss mummy." She frowned

"I miss mummy too, It's okay. Uncle A told you that she is okay." B smiles.

They talk for a while and then I notice B staring at Blaze who is hiding so that you can just see his eyes over the table.

"Who is this?" he asks curiously

"That is Blaze." I reply and pull him closer to me

"Why are his eyes red...?" B asks quietly

"Duh up here smart one" I point to my eyes

"Oh right." He replies.

Blaze sits up and says hello in a shy little voice. B says hello and he is nice to him but it's only because he is deep in thought in his own world. Most likely wondering why Blaze looks so much like him. The reason for that is that Beyond looks so much like L only slightly different, darker skin, different eyes.. Blaze a lot like how B looks because he has darker skin.

The reason Blaze has darkish skin is because I am half native.I just don't look like it, to be honest Blaze doesn't look like a native he just doesn't look like a ghost. His eyes are a bit smaller than his father's and they are red, also they are less round. He doesn't have any dark circles under his eyes yet. With his sleeping habits he will. One of the major differences is that Blaze has little bits of Red, Brown and Blonde mixed in with his black hair. Although it looks like it is just jet black.

"Daddy?" Eva asks

"Yes?" B replies

"How do you know Auntie Nonie?" she asks

"We have been friends since we were little. Just like me and Uncle A" B replies.

It isn't long before the guard is back and we have to leave.

* * *

-Later-

Blaze and I sat on the couch watching Pokémon. I honestly love watching these shows with him. Adventure Time, Sponge Bob, Pokémon, Beyblade Metal Masters, Avatar The last Airbender, The Legend of Korra... All those shows. I am just glad he doesn't like regular little boy stuff like Bob the Builder.

Anyhow there was a Pokémon marathon on TV and we were watching it. I froze when I heard a knock at the door. I looked at Blaze asleep on the couch, curled up ender his blanket, I remembered it was one of two people. A or L considering what time it was my best guess would be the latter of the two even though he is leaving in the morning for Japan.

I answered the door quietly and sure enough it was L.

"Hey" I smile

"Sorry for coming over so late at night" he says quietly

"Don't worry he is a heavy sleeper. It's okay it's just good to see you" I shrug.

"I was wondering if you would help me on the case in Japan." L says as he walks with me into the kitchen.

"I'll have to think about that... I really think you should let B go to SJ's funeral" I mutter

"You seem to be forgetting that Beyond Birthday is a dangerous man." L frowns

"Just keep him in handcuffs and make him go with prison guards." I reply.

"I am sorry but there is no way I will allow that." he crosses his arms

"Oh come on! Put yourself in Beyond's place. Just think how you would feel if I died and they wouldn't let you say goodbye, just think what it would be like to only be allowed to see Blaze for two hours every week. Oh right! You see him for an hour every month!" I growl.

I can tell I have made him angry because he digs his nails into the palms of his hands and tries to focus. I must have hit a net e because I have only once seen him angry. It was when Roger yelled at me one day.

"That is because I have to solve cases. I can't allow Beyond Birthday to go because he is a murderer." L says through his teeth.

I hear a groan from the couch and I realize that I woke up Blaze.

"Sorry baby just go back to sleep" I whisper

Blaze shakes his head and looks up at his dad.

"Hi Daddy!" he smiles, and with that the argument is over.

"Hi Blaze." L smiles as Blaze hugs him.

"I missed you." Blaze frowns

"I missed you too" L replies with a smile.


	66. Another Nightmare

_** Roxas Lawliet- Oh my gosh thank you! That means a lot, I was scared that this was going on for too long... I am also happy that L is in the story again ^_^** _

_**NOTE; The first part of this chapter is based on Chapter 5 of Eva Birthday by Nukia most of the conversation between Nonie and A is word for word therefore not from my imagination. However after the part when Nonie leaves is my own.**_

_**My apologies I just got my IPod back, let's just say my mom was mad at me. Here's a new chapter with yet another cliffhanger ;) in the next chapter you get to see her in Japan muahahaha this is gonna be fun xD **_

"Are you serious about sending Blaze to Wammy's House?" A frowns

"I have to, I'm joining L in Japan to work on the Kira case with him." I sigh

" Ah yeah this Kira business in Japan, L actually e-mailed me about working as part of his task force or team panda as I call it." A frowned and sat on the couch with his arms folded across his chest.

" I'm actually surprised he asked with the situation I'm in at the moment with Eva, I mean I can't leave Los Angeles because she see her dad twice a week." He sighed.

I watched Eva crawl onto A's lap and wrap her arms around his neck she told him she thought he was Kira.

"The case is solved" I chuckle.

I look over at Blaze who is glaring at a toy Panda in his hand. I sigh and look at my feet, thanks A. I smirk as I stare at the ground, I have to admit Blaze is offended but he shouldn't be. It is a bit funny that he is so offended by the panda jokes. They are a bit funny though.

A and I walk to the kitchen after Eva goes to play with Blaze.

"Honestly it surprises me too that he would ask such a thing with you in your situation. I must say that I am surprised he asked me. I mean what the h.. Heck" I say, remembering the kids "I have to take care of Blaze that is his kid too and he barely sees him." I sigh.

"I can't believe him, he didn't even let B say goodbye to SJ." A frowns

"I tried but he wouldn't... Ugh never mind" I sigh and look at the counter.

"What was that..." A whines and rubs the back of his head.

"Oh panda vengeance..." A says and places the toy panda on the table.

I look at Blaze, it wasn't him... If it was he didn't do it on purpose. He sits there with his red eyes wide and obviously concerned.

"Eva that was very naughty" A frowns.

It wasn't on purpose, I give up trying not to laugh and I say "Oh come on A you have to admit that it was funny"

"Okay a tiny bit funny..." A chuckles and walks over to Eva "You're too cute to be punished anyways."

Eva tells him she will hug him better.

"Aww how cute" I smirk, getting up from my chair "She's got you wrapped around her little finger."

"Well, she is cute. Eva why don't you go and get that gift for Blaze we brought yesterday for him." A says as he sets Eva down on the floor.

"It's just something little" A whispers

"It's fine" I smile.

In fact that is good, gifts... Make me uncomfortable I guess is the word. I don't mind giving them, just receiving gifts is unpleasant. Don't get me wrong I think it's sweet and the thought really is all that counts but... Oh well shut up and be greatful.

"It's a friendship bracelet." Eva smiles as she gives Blaze a small black bracelet with a silver 'B' on it "It means we can be friends forever."

A looked at me and sighed, realizing why I had begun staring out the window and biting my lip.

"Sorry about the B on it, Eva wanted to get it for Blaze for a goodbye gift." A shrugs

"It's okay" I mutter as my mind snaps back into reality.

"Can I have it?" Blaze asks me

"Of course... What do you say?" I smirk

"Thank you" he smiles.

"Come on baby, we have to go home now." I say as I take my son's hand and lead him to the door, completely forgetting goodbyes and wondering what I will say to-

"Okay..." Blaze sighs

"Now, remember to give us a call in the next few days, you know so we know you guys got to England safely." A tells me

"Yes dad" I chuckle.

My mind starts to wander again. I feel strange... not like when I was pregnant but.. just a bad feeling about something, everything. I remember about having to say goodbye. I wave at Eva and I notice her lifespan is clear to me, I just don read it. I don't need to know when she dies and I don't want to.

I drop Blaze off with Nancy and tell him I will be back soon. We are all packed and I have one last thing to do in LA before we go. I have to say goodbye to B. Saying goodbye to him... no just the thought of seeing him today makes my stomachs turn and flip.

Once I have been searched I am allowed in the room. The guard does his usual speech about only having an hour and blah blah blah.

"Hello" B says with his creepy smirk.

I think about being mean today but the thought makes me feel ashamed and sad. I decide to just speak like we used to.

"Hey B, are you alright lately?" I ask.

He looks a bit confused by my mood today. He takes his seat across from me and smiles his regular smile. I don't see that often...It seems out of place.

"Well as alright as I can be." he shrugs

"That's good" I smile

"Why are you suddenly little miss sunshine?" he chuckles

"I just wanted to leave with a... Good mood I guess? I don't k ow how to say it. I'm going to miss you Beyond." I sigh.

"I know... I'll miss you too." he frowns and puts his hand on mine.

It is a bit unsettling having him hold my hand like this. I catch him glancing above my head and he frowns.

"I hear bells" B sighs.

Before I know it the hour is almost up, I stand up from my seat and B stops me.

"There are a few seconds left right?" he asks

"Yeah approximately 30. Why?" I say as I sit on the table.

"Because..." he shrugs.

The next thing I know he is kissing me. This is wrong and bad, cheating... Terrible, I want to slap him but my body is acting by itself. I bring my hand up to slap him but it decides to knot itself in his hair.

No, no, no, no, NO! This is not happening! He breaks away for air and the guards walk in. The handcuffs are put back on him and he smirks at me.

"You have no clue how long I have wanted to do that" He smirks and walks out with the prison guards.

Just before he leaves I manage to see his lifespan. The roman numerals above his head tell me he only has 5 days to live, I convince myself that that didn't just happen and I never saw his lifespan.

Its just another nightmare.


	67. Au revoir

_**Here we are, Wammy's! Yay the fun part (for me at least) begins NOW :) **_

_**NOTE: The only pills I take are vitamins. Specifically Iron pills (uses to be avegetarian and I don't take them anymore. Remember Nonie is only based on some of my character and she has my name not exact and she barely looks like me (I'm 5'4 last time I checked I'm still growing also I am blonde and not 21)**_

I sigh as I walk back to Nancy's, eager to be far from LA. First stop Wammy's, Next stop Japan.

-Later-

Blaze smiled at me when I handed him the drawing supplies. He loved art and he needed a new sketch book and pencil crayons.

"Hey mommy?" Blaze asks quietly

"Yes?" I reply with a smile

"Can we go there?" he says shyly as he points to the arcade.

"Of course we can." I smirk. We have an hour before we get on the plane.

The game he wants to play is a driving game, of course I suck at those just like I suck at real driving. To my surprise he wins. I guess he's jut better at it than I am.

"What about that one?" he asks, pointing to Tekken 5

"Hmm... Okay" I smirk.

I have played this game multiple times before with Matt, one of the only games that I can actually beat him at. I pick Asuka as always and of all the characters he could possible pick... Blaze picks Devil Jin.

I beat him once but the next three times he beats me. I high five him.

"Beaten by a four year old" I chuckle and pick him up

"I have no clue where you got those skills from but you better keep 'em" I smirk as we go through security.

-Later-

Blaze as if sensing my unease of being on a plane, decides we are having a sillgaga contest. Before long we are up in the air, I try not to look outside because the sun has set and the water oustide makes it look like endless nothingness that could swallow you whole if it wanted.

I shake the thoughts from my mind and buy Blaze a cookie. Deciding that I do not want to make him scared like I am. I get a glass of water for myself and swallow the pills I have to take, already having taken a Gravol that makes... I don't want to do math no matter how simple.

I make sure that Blaze is okay watching his show on the little screen before the world fades and blurs. I sigh and decide I can sleep

-After-

I yawn and look around me, I am on. The plane still, I gasp as it shakes. I immediately look outside, we are landing. It is morning now and Blaze is sleeping quietly by my side.

He awakens as the plane stops. It's 11am here and I am now wide awake. When we get off the plane and after we have gotten out luggage we go and eat breakfast.

My phone rings when we are done eating, I pick it up and answer. To my surprise it is Matt.

"Hey!" He says cheerfully

"Wow, how does it feel to be up so early" I chuckle

"Different... It's good to hear from you again, It's been awhileas once we saweach other last. Mello is even happy about it." Matt exclaims

"Slow down I can barely understand you" I laugh.

"Sorry. So you want me to come pick you up?" he asks

"Yeah sure that would be great actually" I smile.

"Alright, see you in a few" Matt replies.

Blaze finishes eating his food and he frowns when he realizes his hands are all dirty.

"You are aware that food goes in your mouth an most people don't wear their food right?" I smirk.

* * *

"It's good to see you" Matt smiles and hugs me

"You too" I chuckle and hug him.

"You are a h..eck of a lot taller now." I smirk at him

"Yeah, we're the same height now" he laughs

"That's where you are wrong, I'm just barely taller" I reply, still smirking.

"5'5" he challenges

"5'6" I chuckle.

"You must be Blaze" Matt smiles, changing the subject

"Hi" Blaze says quietly from behind me.

"Y'know hiding behind your mum doesn't work, it's like hiding behind a toothpick." Matt laughs

"Y'know wearing goggles all the time makes you look like a mental patient." I reply

"Oh you haven't changed much" Matt smirks as we walk to his car.

I listen to Matt talk with one headphone in my ear, blasting a Billy Talent song.

_Open your eyes and the empire falls! _

The song ends as the car stops, Wammy's hasn't changed.

"I don't wanna stay here." Blaze frowned as the colors around him changed from white to a dark and muddy blue.

Fear of the future.

"It's okay you don't have to worry. I'll visit you and call you." I smile

"If you want me to I can show you around here" Matt smiles at Blaze.

-After-

"So how's life Cinderella?" Mello smirks

"Fine what about you blondie?" I reply

"It's good to see you again to be honest. Nice to meet Blaze as well." Mello says.

"You act like my mom" Blaze laughs

"Do not!" "Does not!" we say in unison

"Sometimes I don't know who's who." Matt says to Blaze.

"Agreed" Blaze chuckles.

"Oh geeze, I better get going or I'll miss my flight" I frown, looking at my watch.

"Well it was nice to see you again" Mello hugs me.

We all say our goodbyes and I walk Blaze to his room across the hall, my old room. Blaze had already unpacked and everything earlier.

"I don't wanna stay here" Blaze frowns as his bottom lip trembles

"Awe.. It's okay I don't want to leave you either but I have to. Trust me it's for your own good." I sigh and hug him

"I love you." he says in his quiet little voice

"I love you too. Do you know how to say it in the other languages I told you?" I smirk.

'I love you' he says in sign language "J'taime" he smiles.

"Je t'aime aussi" I reply and kiss his forehead

"Au revoir mama" He hugs me

"Je vous verrai bientôt" I sigh as I leave.


	68. Dead

**_Here we_****_ are; Japan ^_^ I changed quite a few things and the events are out of order but hey that makes it far more interesting._**

**_Roxas Lawliet- Google translate xD It is right when it comes to French. I made sure just in case._**

I sigh and look up at the building, I really don't know why I agreed to this. I follow Watari into the building and he shows me the room I have to sleep in. We spoke on the phone about my alias and character.

My name is Storm and Watari is my uncle, my parents died and I am basically and intern/maid. Oh joy. He tells me what is going on, he's planning on putting cameras in suspect's houses.

Watari shows me where they plan to put the cameras.

"There is a blind spot there." I say as I point to a corner in someone's room.

Light Yagami, 17.

"That's the one." I mutter

"Sorry?" Watari asks

"That is Kira." I shrug and continue eating a sour green apple lollipop.

"Interesting..." he replies.

I decide to walk around the rooms, trying not to disturb anyone. A young man who is slightly taller than me walks directly into me, not seeing me. I feel like yelling at him but he gasps immediately and apologizes in Japanese.

"I- I didn't... Sorry" he frowns

"Mes excuses" I say, not thinking, in French.

"My apologies" I correct myself in Japanese

"I didn't see you there Miss.." he prompts

"Storm, call me Storm" I smile

"I'm Matsuda" he replies.

I already knew that though. Touta Matsuda, average lifespan.

"Nice to meet you... Be careful with your name." I nod and walk off, leaving him to his thoughts.

Really I just walk in a circle and spy on them, what can I say? I wanted to know stuff.

"What's with the girl?" Matsuda asks

"It appears that Storm has actually decided to show up." L replies and tells me to come in the room.

"This is Storm she is studying to be a detective." He nods at me.

I stare at my feet and say a quiet hello to everyone. They all say hello and then they all look to L. I raise an eyebrow and he nods then tells me in sign language that I can stay.

"It's an invasion of privacy." One man argues

"Before you said that only you and your... Whatever you called Watari would be watching the monitors. What about her?" one man frowns

"Would that be a problem?" I ask

"Well no.." the man shrugs.

This man is irritating. Hirokazu Ukita not long to live.

"Very well then, I suppose we should carry on the investigation." L mutters.

* * *

**January 20th 2007**

"You were watching me!?" Light gasps

"The investigation required it" L shrugs

"Even her!?" He says, gesturing to where I am on the couch.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?" I ask innocently as I take the green lolipop out of my mouth

"Extremely!" Light replies.

"Good" I smirk and walk away, let them argue.

...

I sigh and pick papers off the floor and orginized stuff, I know where the things go now at least. It's much less confusing. I yawn and start chopping vegetables, apparently Light is too good for sugar. Oh well I know how to make salad and a few other things.

"Eat up toothpick" I mutter and set the salad on the table

"Oh I am a toothpick?" he replies

"Yup." I smirk and start to read a folder with information about the case and Light.

"Oh please I could snap you like a twig." he rolls his eyes

"Whatever you say Kira" I smirk when the look in his eyes changes again.

It happens when he is accused of being Kira, indicating he is a liar. L tells me I should watch the security footage when Light goes to sleep. The footage from when his room was bugged.

Of course I can only do this when Light sleeps.

"For the last time I am not Kira!" he growls

"Alright then" I sigh and read the file.

It's about midnight at the moment and I decide to look out the window of the building in the kitchen. I wonder how Blaze is doing...

"Ryuzaki may I speak to you for a moment?" I ask

"Is this about the case?" he asks

"Yes." I sigh.

Light leaves and I watch the cameras as Light walks to the bathroom.

"Light has a death note and I am sure of it" I reply

"How?" L asks

"My eyes genius." I reply "I can see his Shinigami."

"Hmm... I'll have to think about this." L says, chewing his thumbnail.

I return my attention to the folder on the counter. A few moments later Light walks back into the kitchen and smiles at me. I of course blush and smile back seeing as storm is 17 as well.

Light likes it when I argue with him. Strange boy.. Little brat is more like it. I glance at my watch 2:45am.

I continue staring out at the skyline as I twirl a knife on the counter in front of me. My eyes go wide as I drop the knife on the floor. It clatters and rolls away on the floor after it falls as if in slow motion.

I fall to the floor as my heart seems to stop, it continues but beats so fast and loud in my ears I can't hear what is going on around me. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my hands over my ears as a loud high pitched ring takes over everything. I glance at the clock before I fall and it is 2:47am.

I lie on the floor in agony and as soon as it begun it stops. I open my eyes and it's dark until I hear a voice.

"Are you alright?" L whispers as he helps me up off the floor

"Y-yeah I just don't know what..." I look up at Light standing beside me with a concerned look on his face.

My vision flashes red and I look at my hands, the color around me goes from a color meaning sickness to a muddied red color meaning extreme anger.

"I have to go" I mutter and take my glass of water.

I drink the water and yawn... Watari. He slipped me my sleeping pills. I barely make it to my room when I collapse. I look up before my eyes close and I see B. The dream is so real I even feel his lips press against my forehead before I fall asleep. Just a hallucination from my medication.

* * *

_I am crying and I can't stop. I stare at the gravestone but the words are fuzzy and I can't read them. The dirt indicates they were buried recently. I glance behind me to see Eva and A. Eva is cuddled up to her uncle and sobbing into his shirt as she holds her messy black haired doll._

_Blaze is nowhere in sight but I know he's okay. A and Eva dissappear and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn and it's B. __I stare up at him and he helps me off the ground where I have fallen beside the grave._

_"You were already asleep when I told you not to cry... I am sorry. For everything." he hugs me_

_"Now wake up." he whispers and kisses my forehead again._

_... _

When I wake up the memory of the dream is gone, I walk down the stairs in my black hoodie from last night and I catch L on the phone.

"Akira I have some bad news." L says

A pause, A is talking to him.

"Yes they are fine." he replies.

Another pause.

"Akira it's about Beyond Birthday."

I duck behind a corner just in case L sees me.

"This morning at approximately 2:47am Beyond Birthday passed away from a heart attack in his prison cell." My heart stopped in my chest. "I believe this may be the doing of Kira."

My eyes started to close again... Was it the pills? No. I closed my eyes and I fell to the ground. No... Someone caught me and held me up.

"Don't do this please. You know I am okay." a voice whispers in my ear.

I hear L hang up his phone and the person shakes me fully awake. I turn around but nobody is there. L walks over to me and my body goes limp as the world fades away...

Beyond Birthday is dead.


	69. Kyoko

**_MYcookies- I know :( I liked him to. Yes it does ^.^ Really? Cool! I can too but only every once in a while. My eyes are funny like that... If I ever see my own it's a muddy forest green :/especially on days when I have school._**

**_Sorry the last chapter was accidentally deleted and I had to upload it again Dx some of the Kyoko quotes are from the manga and some from the anime idk _**

* * *

**-A few days before-**

**To-Oh University **

"Alright... Stay in character remember?" L reminds me for the 50th time

"I know okay?" I smirk

"I don't like this idea." he frowns.

"Alright if I have to act like I have a crush on that little brat for however long it takes to solve this.. then remember this" I look at Watari and make sure his eyes are on the road.

I kiss L and smirk when I say "You are mine even if I have to act like you're not" The car stops and I get out.

I told him I was okay with walking a bit, for safety reasons of course. Luckily nobody was on the street we stopped on.

I have a bit of time to kill but I need to get to school before I forget how to get there using the tricky way I was told to. I dart through streets behind houses and finally arrive on the main road.

"Hello" a girl 'my age' smiles at me.

She has straight bangs and short black hair that falls just below her ears.

"Hello" I smile back

"You headed to To-Oh?" she asks

"As a matter of fact I am what about you?" I reply.

"I am too! My name is Kyoko" she smiles

"Cool! I'm Storm" I smile

"Are you British?" she asks.

"Why do you ask?" I say

"Your accent.. It's pretty." Kyoko smiles

"Oh thanks... I am actually." I reply.

We talk all the way to the university. I think back to the first time I saw Light Yagami.

* * *

I take a seat in the middle row almost but further to the back.

I watch as Light Yagami walks in, he takes a seat right beside me. Of course L takes the seat 3 people behind him. I remember that I need to throw the exam .. It might be a little suspicious if 3 people walk up on that stage.. It's weird enough that two people are going to. Especially strange that they are both going to get 100% on everything.

Yay, I don't suck at math as bad as I used to. Mostly because someone was nice enough to explain percentages to me. The numbers sort themselves out a bit better now.

"Student 162. Please sit properly" A man frowns and looks down at L.

Light glances behind him and I go back to writing. English... Easy -too bad we had already done that subject. Math however takes a bit longer. I frown at my test and remember to fail at a few questions, easy for me. Stupid math...

* * *

"I think we are going to be great friends" she smiles

"Me too. Hey wanna sit with me?" I ask

"Sure" she replies.

We sit quietly as a man starts to speak on stage. As soon as the name 'Hideki Ryuga' is mentioned people all throughout the room begin to whisper. I smirk as I realize I was correct. Both L and Light walked up on stage.

"The guy on the right is so cute!" Kyoko exclaims.

Wait, she's talking about L. Immediately my thoughts are;_ mine._

"What? What is wrong with you Kyoko? The guy on the left is way better looking!" I reply.

Good save.

... Later ...

I watch as Light and L play tennis, Light Yagami is very competitive and- oh who am I kidding? I'm practically ignoring that little brat all together.

A conversation about who is winning starts between the boys standing with us and they are saying Light is doing great.

"What about my Ryuga?" Kyoko blushes and sighs like a little schoolgirl.

My? Oh hell no. _Mine._

"Kyoko.." I growl through my teeth.

Light wins 6-4 but I don't really care.. for a game of tennis that was very entertaining. I hate tennis though. Still though... Entertaining.

I look over to Kyoko who is practically drooling over L.

"Oh come on before you flood Japan with your drooling." I laugh.

_He's too old for you kid. Also _Mine.

...

After their tennis match I dart through the streets after saying goodbye to Kyoko. I have to wait awhile for my ride back. L is probably talking to Light. I decide to play with my short brown hair. Twirling it with my fingers and pretending I have a mustache.

"Is this what you do when you are alone?" L laughs

"It seems you have caught me before I have shaved" I say in a funny voice

"Are you five?" he smirks

"Indeed sir" I chuckle.


	70. Over and Over

**_The awkward moment when you forget to make a perverted joke when you are writing your authors note for chapter 69. :/ eh oh well. Alright let's try and do this without crying. (school tomorrow and I don't feel much like getting bullied or pushed to the point where... Nvm)_**

**_Roxas Lawliet- Nonie: Don't start this or I'll get my death note._**

**_Me: No no no not happening! ::puts her back in the story:: heh heh.. Sorry bout that._**

* * *

**Present Day **

I gasp and snap my eyes open to see I am in somebody's arms. Of course it is L.

"Stop scaring me" He frowns and hugs me tightly

"Sorry" I whisper and hug him back.

"Is he really...?" I say weakly when he lets me go.

L nods and I start to cry. He hugs me again as my cries turn into sobs and the feeling returns. _Have you ever cried so hard you can't breathe? It happens far too often and the pain is numbing. It helps to cry like this because I need too almost every day but for me I don't cry enough. Instead my sadness is hidden and covered up with the blackness that is my violent side, threatening to swallow me whole if I let it._

_Every time I cry the blackness recedes._ Every time I'm with L the blackness disappears and is replaced with.. not numbness but something... Good? I guess something that makes me feel like I should be a better person.

I decide it's time to stop crying before I wake Light. The rest of the Task Force should be getting here soon as well so I should leave L.

"I am sorry I cried like that." I look at my feet and wipe the tears away "I should go now." I sigh and walk down the hall away from him. I walk and decide I should go to the window that allows you to see the city below.

I sit in the window and cry my eyes out for my best friend. I will miss him... His smile, his laugh.. The real one, the way he spoke to me when we weren't mad at each other, I'll always think of him as the sweet boy who liked to talk a lot.

The boy who was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on about my brother, my friend, my enemy... My world when I lived at Wammy's. I always in a way looked up to him even though I thought of him as my own age.

At Wammy's we were a team... That was long ago before stuff got even worse then it is now. I bury my face in my hands and keep crying, Light did this and I may as well have been the person who wrote my best friend's name down. I was the distraction. When he died I collapsed on the ground and I swear my heart stopped beating. I didn't even know he was dead yet.

This morning I fainted. The first time in my life. I fainted because I couldn't take it... My body panicked. I never forgave him. I suppose I wasn't over him yet. I watch the rain fall outside.

My ears have shut the world out and my best friend fills my mind. I continue to cry silently as the rain falls outside. I am brought back to the prison on the last day I saw him.

...

He had kissed me and said 'you have no idea how long I have wanted to do that.' I remember now what happened. I had kissed back... I didn't want to. It was wrong but my body took over. If it were anyone else I'd have slapped them but.. I didn't. My heart beat faster when I kissed him. I wasn't over him after all.

The brain and the heart have disagreements but this was a battle that the heart won. How could I have never even told him. I stare at the floor with my head still facing the window. Did he know? He must have but it was never completely confirmed. I was mad at him and I will never forgive myself for that.

I start to sob again when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't cry for me" a voice says

"I know that you love me" he whispers... It's B.

"I love you Beyond Birthday... I never stopped loving you." I sigh.

Even if it is wrong, even if it may be that I love him like a little crush one might have on a superstar... In other words you always what you can't have.

I pull my knees up to my chest as my bottom lip starts to tremble and I let out a loud sob. I shouldn't love him but I can't help it. I hate myself for it... The song starts to play in my head.

-Over and Over-

Why do I do this!?

Over and over, Over and over

I fall for you.

Over and over, over and over

I try not to.

...

So here I go again chasing you down again,

Why do I do this!?

Over and over, over and over

I fall for you.

Over and over, over and over

I try not to.

Over and over, over and over

You make me fall for you.

Over and over, over and over

You don't even try.

So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head,

I try to live without you every time I do I feel dead.

I know what's best for me but I want you instead

I keep on wasting all my time!

Over and over

-Three Days Grace-

I cry again.

"Quit being a cry baby!" I hiss.

"I c-can't." I sob.

Oh great.


	71. Matsuda Knows

_**DeathNoteFanLOL- Yes Three Days Grace is awesome ^_^ My favorite by them is probably Animal I have Become, I Hate Everything About You or It's All Over.**_

_**I don't blame you, I hate having to be stuck with all the people who are mean to each other it just seems like it would be slightly better there. Change is good sometimes. Who likes reality anyways?**  
_

_**Roxas Lawliet- I will allow this fight because this is interesting... ::let's her out of the story:: Be warned she is mean. I am okay with this as long as I can keep Matt or BB.**_

_**Nonie: I can and will :l who's married here? -laughs- not you.**_

* * *

-A few days later-

I wake up with my heart racing and tears in my eyes. I frown and wipe away the tears, it was just a nightmare. I jump and fall off my bed when I see somebody standing in the corner of my room.

_"Oh relax it's just me." _Phantom rolls her eyes

"I thought I told you to leave" I say through my teeth.

_"I can't leave because I am you." _She replies

"Leave me alone my brother and Eva are going to get here soon." I whisper

_"Haha. Okay but remember" _ She smirks and morphs into Light _"I killed your best friend"_ she/he leaves and laughs when I start to cry again.

I glare at where she was before and throw the lamp at where she was. It's very satisfying but I'm the one who has to clean it up. Oh well it's worth it. I keep smashing things and smiling when the glass shatters.

I bet people can hear me but I don't care. The floor where people sleep is not close to the floor my bedroom is on. I decide it's okay and if they are near me they are already awake anyways.

After a while I clean it up and walk downstairs. I catch A and Eva but I hide before they see me. I decide not to talk until tomorrow... Maybe then I won'tLHe as many mental breakdowns.

* * *

I sigh and walk down the stairs I greet my brother when I see him he nods and continues running around like an idiot.

"Akira what _are_ you doing?" I chuckle

"I don't know where Ichigo is." he gasps

"Who?" I frown

'E-V-A' he signs

"Oh, Kay I'll look for her now quit spazzing." I laugh and he walks out.

I basically walk in circles for a while until I walk back into the main room and I spot Eva. We speak for a while and she tells me she had fallen asleep under the stairs.

"Oh geeze Eva do not turn out like me, I use to fall asleep in strange places too" I still do...

She tells me she saw a clown monster and then she described Ryuk.

"He won't hurt you, you have special eyes like me" I whisper.

A spots us and I say I'll tell her more about her special eyes later. Her and A walk away but I don't let them leave before I tease my brother. I really need to talk to L about Eva's alias. Ichigo Jamu really?

"Oh hello what are you doing awake?" he asks in his emotionless voice

"Cut the crap we need to talk." I reply "Ichigo Jamu? Really? Her mom just died, do you remember what her alias was? Given to her by A and my best friend who also just died thank you very much! Strawberry Jam in Japanese you have got to be kidding me!" I rant.

"So that is what SJ stood for..." he puts his thumb in his mouth

I start to cry again with my head in my hands.

"Your friendship with that man doesn't mean he was a good person. He lied to you did he not?" L asks

"Shut up and be normal! Okay please, I need you right now" I say weakly

"I am sorry the last of the task force just left I needed to be sure" he hugs me.

"Don't cry." he kisses me and I hear a gasp from behind me.

I look to where it came from and it was Matsuda.

"I knew it!" he cheers

"I won't tell don't worry, I figure that ring is not just any ring now is it?" he asks me.

I just nod, it's not strange for a girl to wear a ring all the time. My mother did and she was never married. Matsuda leaves the building and we stand there in silence.

"I thought I saw him leave.." L mutters

"It's Matsuda. Don't worry about it" I whisper then add "Oh so the great detective admits he is wrong" I smirk.

I kiss him and say I should really get watching the footage of Light in his room when he was being watched just to see if theymissed anything.

"He says things that seem... Like code. He's talking to something.." I mutter trying to act as if I do not know its a Shinigami.

I watch his eyes and he slips up and looks at Ryuk sometimes I don't say anything because that might give things away. Like the fact I know when everyone excluding Light Yagami, is going to die. I knew SJ would die... Even B on the last day I saw him. My eyes are abnormal even for Shinigami eyes. My eyes include the Death Note where as most do not.

They also play tricks, at one point I sawsomebody's life span dropping and going back up over and over. I watched for an hour before it stopped. Maybe that is what went on with A. I sigh and try to remember my age... I don't know how long I lived in LA. I should ask Fear. Who forgets their own age?

I frown and drop to my knees infront of a window and cry again, it's over B again. Beyond Birthday, my best friend since I was 12. I remember the first day I met him with as much detail as if it happened a minute ago.

_Nobody stands near him and he sticks out like a sore thumb. I decide to stand next to the strange boy and he glares at me and tells me to go away. I shake my wad and act out 'I hate them'. He nods and introduces himself._

_His name is Beyond Birthday and he talks a lot. He is negative and hates people too, we'll get along._

_..._

"Still not talking huh?" He smirks at me when I shake my head

_"Well why not? I'm sure your voice is beautiful." He jokes_

_"Beyond stop flirting" The red head raises an eyebrow._

_"Why Matt?" BB grins and then says "Did you have your eye on her?"_

_Matt makes an annoyed sound and flicks paint at the dark haired boy._

_"HEY! You three! Do I have to separate you?" The teacher growls_

_..._

_I sigh and step out of the shower with my towel wrapped around me. I gasp when I see B sitting on his bed. _

_"You smell like strawberries" he smirks_

_"Don't smell me!" I reply, grabbing my clean clothes and rushing into the bathroom again._


	72. Family Talk

**_Thank you to all of the ghosts who read my story! And the people who review you are all amazing and wonderful ^.^ Thanks for the follow/favorites and all _****_Nonie: You smirk too much ._. I shall smirk more now_**

**_Nukia- Yes, go Team Panda! XD_**

**_Roxas Lawliet- I am keeping Matt :l there is no argument I am keeping him okay? _****_Nonie: Yeah? And you're just a fangirl obsessing over a character. I highly doubt that considering it is just a pen name just get this; M-I-N-E. _**

**_Hey Not cool! I obsess over characters -_- I mightjust put you back in the story Missy :l I think I am on Roxas Lawlier's side... As long as she lets me keep Matt. ::puts Nonie back into the story::_**

* * *

I am not sure what happened or what time it is but I am sure Phantom took over me again, I faintly remember talking to Eva about something. I don't know what and I know I was mean. But if I apologize I won't know what for.

"Uncle A is shouting at the panda detective again" Eva frowns

"When is uncle A not shouting at Ryuzaki?" I chuckle

Eva looks up at me and giggles "When it's bedtime"

"You're too cute" I chuckle and give her a hug.

"Am not." she giggles and hugs me back.

...

I sigh and walk up to my brother.

"I heard about your fight earlier A." I sigh

"What are you going to defend your precious panda?" he snaps

"No I am on your side this time you angry little Eeyore." I smirk

"Out of both of us we both know you are Eeyore" he chuckles.

"Okay fine. I just wanted to talk to you." I sigh and gesture to the stairs, telling him to talk in a blind spot.

"I know you blame L about Beyond.. And all of that stuff and honestly I agree." I sigh and stop on the stairs. "I really think that you should talk to me. Remember? I'm always here for you." I smile and 'pinky promise again like we did when we were twelve.

"Hah.. I forgot about that. Okay. Well I think that it's just.. the pressure it got to all of us. Beyond, Me... Hell the pressure even got to you from what I've seen. B wanted so badly to be the best, the world's greatest something. Just to surpass L. I think he felt like.. He needed to. Honestly I blame him for the way Beyond ended up." A sighs.

"It may not be completely his fault but I must agree L is far from innocent. Especially if it has to do with B, I don't think L is the only person to blame here. Don't get me wrong you aren't guilty you had nothing to do with how B turned out. I think it was Wammy's.. The purpose, his eyes, L, having to be called someone's backup.. It'll make you crazy." I reply

"Do you feel guilty for it?" A asks me

"This is about you, not me." I say, it's almost a robotic reply.

Like when she takes over, I have control this time and she isn't here. It's just me being emotionless this time. She makes me say those things. I suppose Aiden is right - he knows he is smarter than me Indont need to tell him.- the pressure got to all of us and Phantom is just a hallucination caused by my own insanity and stress.

"Well then I want you to tell me." A looks at me as I finally sit down on the stairs, motioning for him to sit beside me.

"I guess so, yes. I'll talk about that another time, tell me more? I don't want you to be upset. You need to be emotional once in a while A." I frown

"I guess so yeah, I don't want to be turning into a panda now do I?" A smirks

"Oh no that wouldn't be good, I don't want a panda as a brother." I chuckle "Okay now let's be serious... How do you feel about how they treated you at Wammy's?" I ask seriously.

"I don't really know, it was so long ago that I forget sometimes... but I remember being ignored when I needed help, B was the only one who understood what it was like to be treated like you were nothing but a puppet... that's why I hate L so much, he never cared and when he called Eva a liar... it brought all my locked up emotions back." A said, getting all serious.

A side of him I almost never see.

"That's horrible. I can't say I know the feeling, I can only imagine how bad that must have felt for you. I don't blame you for hating him after that. I can't believe he called Eva a liar.." I mutter "Maybe.. A, you shouldn't lock up those emotions. You know I'm not saying that if you are mad that youydshould go punch someone. I am saying though thaf you should let those emotions go in a healthy way."

"Tell me about it, that's how I was treated since I was eight, I don't know..." A whispered and started to cry.

I frown, I dislike seeing him upset so I hug "It's okay to do this, see? I hope you know that no matter how much of make fun of you you're still my brother and I still love you... I care." I whisper.

He hugs me back and cries onto my shoulder. It takes him awhile to calm down but I don't blame him. When he clams down I take out a bag from my pocket.

"I was saving these for when you are upset or good, now seems like a good time." I smile weakly at him

"Awe, thanks sis. You know I live you too right?" A smiles at me take eats some of the toffee.

"You just love me because I have you toffee." I laugh

"You know me too well. But I do love you." he smirks

"It's good to hear you say that for once. I'm really sorry for all that though." I frown.

Almost out of nowhere Eva runs up to A and hugs him tightly.

"I love you uncle A" she sniffles "Don't cry".

I give them their family moment and turn my attention to the window again. Letting my mind wander. A bad idea. Every conversation I have ever had with B wanted to make me remember it at the same time. The memories hit me with such force I was knocked off balance and had to lean against the wall.

"C'mon kid what do you say to jam and cookies?" I smirk at Eva

"Yes please." Eva smiles.

I take her hand but before we leave I turn to my brother.

"You stay here mister I'm not done talking to you." I chuckle and walk off with Eva.

I sit her down on the counter and make sure I have swept up the remains of the bowl that had broken earlier. I give Eva her jam and cookies.

"Don't worry about your uncle, he is okay" I smile at her, but it's fake.

She doesn't seem to notice. At least I've gotten past the stage where I used to randomly glare at her. I don't know why but I just found myself glaring at her, I can not imagine why... I love Eva like my own family.

"I just love my uncle and I didn't want him to cry" her voice shook as she bit her bottom lip

"Don't worry sweetie, I'll make double sure he's okay for you." I laugh.

"Is my daddy okay?" Eva asked almost silently

"I really do believe he is. There may not be a secret garden but there might be some thing on the other side." I whisper.

...

"Yes of course I know you, you're my brother. I even know your nervous habit." I grin mischievously

"Oh do I have a nervous habit now do I?" he asks

"Yeah, you run your fingers through your hair" I shrug.

"I never noticed.." his voice trails off "Thank you for the toffee but I am trying to cur back on it... Joke" A smiles at me as he hides his bag of toffee in his room, away frowm Eva.

"I already kthe that was a joke, you cutting down on toffee is like me quitting caffeine and sugar, can't be done" I laugh.

No matter how much I laugh now with my brother though it won't make up for the conversation I am about to have with L...


	73. Cross My Heart

_**Thank you Guest ^.~ **_

_**Thank you to all The Unknown Ghosts who read my story :3 I can not believe I never thanked Nukia for helping me with the convo with A :0 (Thank you!**_** :D)**

**Good because you'd have to fight me xD nah I don't feel much like fighting yay I get to keep Matt xD Thank you for the nice reviews :)**

**Nonie: Yeah, tell yourself whatever you want but it's just a pen name and nothing else. Just something that you like. based on your personality and interests nothing more ~.~**

**My pen name is more than a pen name ~.~ Oh well back to the story :/**

* * *

I sigh and walk up to L after Light had left. A and Eva were asleep and the task force had left. I walked up to L and sat beside him.

"We.. Need to talk." I say softly

"What about?" L asks and sets the papers he was holding down on the table.

"About how you talked to E- Ichigo this morning." I frown "She was only lying to you to protect me. You really upset Akira too." I sigh.

I hear a yawn behind me as Sorichio Yagami walks in. He hasn't been leaving lately and he rarely leaves his seat. I post my chance and now I have to talk later.

"You know Misa Amane, right? Light's _ girlfriend _' I say the last word as if it were acid.

"Yes." L mutters in his emotionless voice

"Well I think she is the second Kira." I reply, leaning against a wall after I gave Sorichio my seat.

"Storm are you sure that it's not jealousy making you say that?" Sorichio asks

"I don't like Light!" I hiss

"Can you put a percentage on that?" L asks, ignoring out argument

"Hmm.. Around 65% Like it or not thats what... I just know okay? 67% maybe." I shrug.

That and when I saw her that time at Light's house she has a Shinigami with her. Luckily Ryuk says nothing about Fear and neither does Rem. The white female Shinigami belonging to Misa.

Why was I at Light's house? I am Sayu's tutor Beth. I am a transfer student with long brown hair, blue eyes and glasses. Beth lived in America her whole life but transferred to To-Oh a few days ago.

At least my American accent is better now. I never had an accent before but I seem to get rid of mine.. But I like it. Tutoring Sayu was my idea. Since I was a home teacher back in LA I decided it fit. Although Sayu is a painful reminder of Quinn, otherwinow known as victim 2 Quarter Queen. Killed by my best friend who I happen to still love.

Over and over, over and over I fall for you. I sigh and walk to my room upstairs. It reminds me of my room at Wammy's only the view is different. Wooden floor, pale white walls one tall window that is rectangular at the bottom and rounded at the top. Bed against the wall with the headboard facing the door. I find myself imagining an old bed with a wooden frame across the room from mine.

I want to cry again. Instead I shit my eyes tight and throw the covers over my head, allowing the darkness to swallow me and hide from the crushing depression of losing my best friend. I try to live without you, everytime I do I feel dead. I know what's best for me but I want you instead. I keep on wasting all my time.

Then I am asleep,allowing the nightmares to take over.

_I sit alone in my window sil at Wammy's house. My roommate was out again, somewhere I didn't bother to ask. I stare out the window and watch the shadows dance as lightning flashes far off in the distance. I barely hear the faint crack of thunder, but somehow I still see the lightning. That's how I know it's not real._

_I find myself downtown wandering the streets at night. I stare at people's lifespans and try to watch for someone about to die. I find a blonde girl who isdoing to die tonight. I can't read her name from here or see her face. _

_I shiver as a cool breeze finds its way to me and the fog wraps itself around my body. I follow her but she knows I am behind her. I corner her in an alley and I realize she's me but then who am I? _

_She gasps when I roughly shove her against a wall._

_"Please don't kill me." she whispers_

_"Beg all you want but I am just doing my job." I snarl._

_My voice isn't mine, it's deeper. A man's voice. I know who it is but it's not me. She lets out a whimper as I grab her hair and smash he head against the wall. She whispers a soft 'I love you, I always have.' before I raise my knife and her lifespan ends. I catch my reflection in her blood on the knife. Red, eyes, short messy black hairand I am crying. I look down at myself._

_Only I was right, I am not me... I'm B._

I wake myself with a loud scream. Nobody heard me and I watch the rain hit the windows full force. Loud and pounding in my ears. Just like my dream minus the thunder. I let myself cry again loud and sad cries fill the room and I have never before felt so completely alone.

I glance at my watch and figure it's about 12pm in England at the moment and phone Blaze. I make sure I have stopped crying completely.

"Hi sweetie" I say when he picks up

"Hi mommy!" Blaze replies happily

"How is school?" I smile even though he can't see.

"Boring and easy. I don't like the other kids and Roger gives me bad feelings. I miss you and Daddy." his voice shakes

"Oh... don't be sad baby. I'll make daddy call you soon." I keep my voice down just incase.

"Promise?" Blaze asks sweetly

"Cross my heart." I reply "I'll make sure he does." I sigh.

I decide to walk out of my room. It's about 4am here and everyone is asleep except L and Sorichio.

"Sir, you have a phone call." I say to L he mouths 'who is it?'

'B-L-A-Z-E' I sign.

L nods and takes the phone. I walk away from Mr. Yagami and L follows. When they talk I can hear their conversation.

"Hi daddy!" Blaze says, obviously very happy to be talking to his father.

"Hello Blaze" L smiles at Blaze's happiness.

They talk about school, keeping up grades and doing your best. Blaze asks about work and L tells him he puts bad people in jail.

"Like a super hero?" Blaze asks

"Not quite." L replies.

I can't help but laugh, children are funny. When they are finished talking about math and things that are hard for me to keep up with Blaze talks to me again.

"When are you going to visit?" He asks me

"Well... That depends. I am not sure but I promise I'll visit as soon as I can."

"Promise?" he asks

"Cross my heart" I frown.

-Later at To-Oh-

I sat alone on the bench as I hugged my knees to my chest, I kept my shoes off and I am pretty sure the reason I was alone was because people thought I was strange. When somebody sat beside me I wasn't surprised that it was L. I let my feet touch the ground and slid my shoes back on, incredibly uncomfortable.

I hate shoes...

"I'm sorry, I know I have to go tutor Sayu buy I don't feel great..." I sigh

"I'll see you later." I sigh.

"Promise?" L smirks

"So that's where he gets it" I laugh "Cross my heart."

I give him a quick kiss before I leave. I bump into a girl on my wahouse the road Watari picks me up on.

"Oh sorry!" I gasp

"It's okay." It's Misa.

"Oh it's so good to see you!" she squeals and hugs me

"Eep!" I say andstumble when she jumps at me.

I had met her a week ago at a park somewhere. She decided I was her best friend ever and she was incredibly annoying. I want to slap her but that would be wrong and mean.

"Good to see you too!" I chuckle

"I'm going to see my boyfriend c'mon I want you to meet him!" She smiles.

"I don't trust this girl Misa." Rem frowns.

I glance at her and she catches me. She ignores it and I sigh.

"No I really do have to get going" I glance at my watch to make sure she gets the point

"Nonsense!" She giggles and grabs my wrist, pulling me along with her.


	74. Until The Day I Die

**_Thank you ghosts who favorited/ followed my story! ^.~_**

**_I love you guys (not in a creepy way 0.0) for hanging in here but this is the last chapter for Starting Over D: However there will be a story from Blaze's Point of view coming out soon ^.~ I hope you read that! Also there will be the unfortunate ending as a different story up soon aswell (the ending to Starting over) Officially it is going to end on a good note here. However since it is death note...Having a life filled with sunshine and rainbows is not an option. Thanks guys for reading my story and all the reviews (almost 100! Wow I expected like 6 when I started writing this :D) To be clear there are going to be 2 other stories related to this one. Blaze Lawliet and Until The Day I Die (maybe Last Breath will be the name. Please tell me which one you like more for a name! :D)_**

**_Go Team Panda! ( :P )_**

**_My best friend's name is not Brianna but her name happens to start with a B ^.^_**

* * *

"Hi Light!" Misa let go of my wrist so she could fling herself at Light.

Light clearly didn't like her, an annoyed expression crossed his face and she let go.

"This is my friend Storm!" Misa smiles.

Light raises an eyebrow at me and I shrug and mouth the words 'help me'. Light smirks and laughs quietly at me. I ignore Misa and Light talking and I am only faintly aware of her squeaky ear-murdering voice. Does that even make sense? My mind wanders, all insults today. I guess I'm in a bad mood. For the first time in a long time I think about my parents.

The father I never got to meet, the mother who cared so much about me who always smiled. I don't even know if his name was actually Jeffery. I think A said it was Braiden at some point. Oh well I don't care about him. When I look up there is a huge crowd of people around Misa.

"Someone touched my butt!" Misa squeaks.

I know who it was and I know why, suddenly my shoes are the most interesting objects in the world and I don't much feel like looking up or paying attention. I'm just not myself today.

... Task Force HQ...

Misa was whining on screen about L being perverted after her personality switch. I know why though. Rem her Shinigami had erased her memory. After hearing my brother whining about how much he hated her voice and how annoying it was I decided to block out the world and act like writing notes about Misa Amane and reading her files and more case files of killers in America or France even. There weren't many what with Light murdering people by the thousands.

Made my job a hell of a lot easier but he needs to be stopped. I started dining along to the song by Greenday that was currently screaming in my ears at a volume so loud that I could still hear it when I set my iPod down on the table the headphones still in.

Not that I needed the song to know the lyrics to Wake Me Up When September Ends.

I wanted to cry because it reminded me of my life before Wammy's House mind all the faded memories rushed back. Galaxy Land, Play Land (the PNE), The VIEx, All the summers spent just sitting beside the river and looking out at everyone swimming because I was too afraid to jump off the cliff into the deep water with my best friend Brianna.

Best friend... My best friend died. B. He was dead. Gone. Never coming back. I sigh and bite my bottom lip as I try not to think about it. Eva rushes into the room with blood running down her chin. I offer to help her but A says no. I need to explain to her about the white Shinigami she saw.

"Are you sure? It won't be a problem." I shrug.

"I said I've got it!" A snaps and then he leaves the room.

"Fine be a bitch about it then." I mutter to my sneakers

"That's uncalled for" one of the men from the task force says

"Nobody asked you!" I hiss and set my sketch book on the couch.

_Still_

_The_

_ORiginal_

_Murderer_

My alias in creepy black Old English font style like they use for the letters of your Wammy's house alias. _  
_

I walk away from the task force, not sure where to go.

"Is she bipolar?" Matsuda mutters quietly

"Matsuda quit being an idiot." L mutters in his bored voice.

I sigh and head to the roof. I don't really want to talk right now.

Its pouring down rain like it's intention is to flood the city but I hug my knees and pull up my hood. I've gotten used to wearing my black sneakers now but I still hate shoes. I don't know how long I sit up there but the sun goes down. I am not soaked because I sat underneath the overhanging part of the roof on the thing with the door. Yeah I know I am a secret poet with the way I describe things.

"You're going to catch a cold up here." L frowns and sits beside me.

"Oh well" I shrug

"Please don't be sad." he whispers

"What do you expect? Anyone I care about dies. A faked his death... Good reasons I know but still even when I was 12 I had abandonment issues. SJ died, B died, my parents died... You left all the time and now Blaze probably feels alone because we never call like we should- I'm sorry I didnt mean for that to be a lecture" I sigh.

"It's okay I'm still here for you, just call me or tell me. I'm always here for you." L says to me

"I know.." I frown and look out at the city.

I rest my hands at my sides and keep my knees to my chest, I just... Don't care.

L holds my hand and sighs as he looks out at the city too. I look over at him and he's sitting normally. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"I feel like I don't need to think right now.." He replies

"You're so... Different then before I met you." I mutter

"How so?" he asks

"Just... You used to be so quiet and.. It was like you didn't care about anyone. It was like... Like you only thought about solving things and everything else didn't matter." I reply.

"Hmm... I suppose love changes people." he looks into my eyes and for the first time in my life I am 100% sure it's the truth.

I lean my head on his shoulder and hug him "Yeah it does.."

After a long comfortable silence L says something I wasn't expecting.

"You know... After all these years I still don't know your real name." he says

"Fionna... It's Fionna." I reply and with a smirk I add "You can tell why I go by Nonie."

"You still remember that?" he asks

"I'm surprised you got that reference." I smile.

We sit together alone on the rooftop as traffic goes by below the building. I remember all the good memories from when we were at Wammy's House and the first time we spoke. 'My name is L-A-W-L-I-E-T' 'Now do you see why I go by L?'. It wasn't exactly speaking. Sign language.

"I love you" L whispers and kisses me

"I love you too" I smile.

Until the day I die, I love you.


	75. Important Author's Note

**_I'm sorry if you thought this was another chapter but I needed to say something. This story has begun to be continued. The other story is already up and in progress. _**

**_It is called Until The Day I Die. The story focuses on the last bit of the Kira case and the part after. Until Nonie dies._**

**_I hope you read it :) and thank you to everyone who supported, read or reviewed Starting Over. I hopit that if you haven't already that you will go read Beyond This Love by Nukia because it is Beyond and SJ's story and it is awesome :) it has their life in and after Wammy's house._**

**_You can probably tell bit they weren't planned from the start to be connected. The connection between A and Nonie isn't perfect (my fault) because of the names of their parents aren't exactly right. (in my story)_**

**_For that I apologize. I also think you should read the continuing of BTL called Eva Birthday._**

**_After Until The Day I Die is finished (or maybe halfway through it) I will start a story titled Blaze Lawliet. You may have guessed it'sabout Blaze's life at Wammy's House. Sorry that it's a lot to read but the story isn't nearly finished yet :P _**

**_The next story (UTD- yep that's my abbrieviation for it xD) has Nonie joining Matt and Mello... But who dies and who lives? Go read it xD_**


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